The Questions | Contest Main Page

THE CERTIFIED PUBLIC ACCOUNTING HOUR BONUS

  1. What three features does Hobbes like in women?
    Red hair, green eyes, whiskers.

  2. What heart-warming inscription did Calvin's first Valentine's card toSusie contain?
    "I hate you. Drop dead."

  3. What is Calvin's favorite cereal?
    Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs.

  4. Calvin won't eat any cereal unless it meets one basic requirement. What is that requirement?
    The cereal must turn the milk purple.

  5. Calvin devotes his Saturday mornings to tooth-rotting cereal and mind-rotting cartoons, which render him incoherent and hyperactive for the rest of the day. What special benefit does Calvin get from this behavior?
    "No brothers and sisters SO far!"

  6. According to Calvin, his Saturday morning cartoons contain the three components of classic entertainment. What are those three classic ingredients?
    Idiots, explosives, and falling anvils.

  7. We all know that Calvin makes his thespian debut as an onion. What role does Susie get in that same play?
    Fat.

  8. Hobbes advises Calvin that once Calvin learns to ride a bicycle, he'll never forget. Calvin likens this to what other life experience?
    Electroshock therapy.

  9. When Calvin has to read and summarize a newspaper article for the class, which article does he pick?
    "Space Alien Weds Two-Headed Elvis Clone"

  10. Calvin and Hobbes ask the all-knowing Ouija board if Calvin will ever become President. The ouija board responds "G-O-D-F-O-R-B-I-D." Calvin then asks the all-knowing Ouija board how it knows all of life's answers. How does the Ouija board respond?
    "3"

  11. After Hobbes gives Calvin a remarkably botched haircut, how does Hobbes attempt to restore Calvin's good looks?
    By coloring in the bald spots with a yellow marker.

  12. Aside from function, what is the distinction between Calvin's time machine, and his original transmogrifier?
    You climb INTO the time machine, but crawl UNDER the transmogrifier.

  13. On the first trial of the time machine, Calvin and hobbes mistakenly go back into the past rather than forward into the future. What went wrong?
    They had sat facing backwards.

  14. We all know that Miss Wormwood is Calvin's teacher, but who is Mr.Spittle?
    Calvin's principal.

  15. According to Calvin, food should be both nutrition AND entertainment. What are Hobbes' two culinary criteria?
    Food should be surprised and running.

  16. According to Calvin's school essay, "After School In My House," Calvin really doesn't mind being chained in the basement or having meat thrown downto him. What is it that he DOES mind?
    That the rats have the advantage of numbers.

  17. What does the acronym G.R.O.S.S., the name of Calvin and Hobbes' secret club, stand for?
    Get Rid Of Slimy girlS.

  18. Why don't tigers have to go to school?
    Tigers wreck the grade curve.

  19. On their way back from Mars, Calvin and Hobbes put their geography knowledge to the test. How do they manage to find their house?
    It's in the big purple country, next to the giant letter "E" in the word"STATES."

  20. Since the whole idea is "to be the scariest thing you can think of,"what does Hobbes dress up as for Halloween? How about Calvin?
    Hobbes goes as himself, naturally, while Calvin wants to go as a barrel of toxic waste.

  21. If "Point A is twice as far from Point C as Point B is to A" and "the distance from Point B to Point C is 5 inches," how does Calvin resolve the dilemma of discovering the distance between Point A and Point C?
    "The Living Dead don't need to solve word problems."

  22. According to the rhyme, girls are made of "sugar and spice and everything nice," whereas boys are made of "snips and snails and puppy-dogtails," What are tigers made of?
    "Dragonflies and katydids, but mostly chewed-up little kids."

  23. The World According to Calvin's Dad.....What explanation does Calvin's dad give in response to the followingquestions?

    a) How do they determine the load limit for bridges?
    They drive progressively heavier and heavier trucks over the bridge until it breaks. Then they weigh the last truck and rebuild the bridge.

    b) How do people make babies?
    Most people just go to Sears, buy the kit, and follow the assembly instructions. However, Calvin was a K-Mart blue light special-- almost as good and a lot cheaper.

    c) Why does the sun go east to west?
    Solar wind.

    d) Why does the sun turn red at sunset?
    When the sun comes down to Earth's atmosphere, all the oxygen catches fire.

    e) How do lightbulbs and vacuum cleaners work?
    Magic.