|~263||Phasers on Stun: The Next Generation|
|~244||Unadulterated Mayhem for a Good Cause|
|~240||Eight Foot of Solid Watusi|
|~185||Smells Like Yo' Mama|
|~132||Telescopes Silhouetted Pristinely Against the Devil (**)|
|48||Hands Off That Nipple (*)|
|47||Kapt. Karst's Krazy Kritters|
|23||Play More Joe Walsh!|
|16||Tasmanian Tree Biters of the North|
|10||The Sons of Abraham|
|7||Hoodlums & Hustlers & Bangers with Jerri-Curl|
|6||A Brilliant Drunk Glaswegian|
|6||Good Earth Salad|
|4||Dives Are Right In!|
|4||Big Nasty False Teeth|
|4||Mom, Do You Douche?|
|3||Someone Doing Something in a Car|
|3||Instant Tape Rack|
|2||Oman the Tentmaker|
|2||A Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy|
|2||Play to Quit and I'll Hug You|
|2||Bring Me The Exploding Nipples of Ted Benson|
|2||Ralph the One-Point Drama|
|2||8 Volts of Solid Electricity|
|2||Many Like Charles Dickens|
|2||H. M.'s Boyfriends|
|2||Bored Rome Operators|
|2||The Lost Emperor|
|1||The Bad Clams|
|1||Nasty Big False Teeth|
|1||Snowflake Mame-- ?|
|1||Happy 27th Birthday, Wendi|
|1||We Want Rodney King Action Trivia|
(*Telescopes Silhouetted.....'s score was broken up under two listings in the first scoring update, their full name and "T-Spad" (check the initials). We don't know if their above 88 points include these originally-misplaced 4.)
(**--The very first scoring update included a team called "Hands Off That Nipple," listed in SECOND place just 1 point behind Phasers:TNG (49-48). They did not appear in any Bonus score listings, Action Trivia results, etc., and after the first full update, were never heard from again.)
ABOUT THE WINNERS:
Phasers on Stun was probably the embodiment of a trivia team to the players of the 1980's through the early 90's. With an unchanging persona, nearly- unchanging personnel, and predictably good performances for a decade, Phasers was simply always there. They alone were the team entrusted with deciding which moment of any contest was most dire. This would be signalled with the announcement that their team name had been altered to "Phasers on Kill." Other teams, notably "Genitals on Kill," and "Heh-Heh-Hehhh-Heh-Hehh-Heh.... on Kill" emulated this trivial tradition.
The "Phasers" of 1991-92 bore only the slightest resemblance to the Phasers team that ran two contests in 1981 and 1983, though one original member was still hangin' in there. By the time their Winter contest rolled around, however, even the original Phaser had departed, and the cherished franchise name was retired immediately thereafter.
However tenuous the 1990s connection to the classic Phasers squad of the early 1980s may have been, it is fitting that one of the all-time great teams went out on top.
FOR THE ANAL PROBER: HOW THESE SCORES WERE ESTIMATED
Wondering how the Final Scores for 5/92 were calculated? You'll be sorrrrryyyy......
N.E.K.T.Genitals decided NOT to announce the final May, 1992 scores over the air on WCFM, but rather, at the traditional post-8 AM Baxter Hall awards ceremonies. Thus, the official final results have been scattered to the mists of time. The latest scores available are those read on the radio around 6:30 AM, which omitted the final 26 questions (53 pts.), 2 Actions, and 4 Bonuses (one of them being the Super). All that is known is that the end result was a comfortable double-digit win for Phasers on Stun: The Next Generation, with no anxiety regarding any last-second comebacks
THE 6:30 AM NON-FINAL SCORES
(Scores through Q #65, Hour #5, Action #5, and Super #1.)
171 -- Phasers on Stun: The Next Generation 162 -- Barnyard 157 -- Unadulterated Mayhem for a Good Cause 157 -- Eight Foot of Solid Watusi 134 -- Team Brocksta (or perhaps "Broxta") 122 -- Smells Like Yo' Mama 97 -- Manhattan Skyliners 88 -- Telescopes Silhouetted Pristinely Against the Devil 63 -- Screaming Ball 48 -- Hands Off That Nipple 47 -- Kapt. Karst's Krazy KrittersScores for the second Super, Hours #6 and #7 (but NOT #8), the remaining 2 Actions, and Ultra Bonus points were announced afterwards, so some highly tentative score reconstruction is possible. Please keep in mind that overall, two Bonus scores (Super #1 and Hour #8) and one Action (#4) score are unavailable. Therefore, all estimated figures have a plus-minus factor of inexact proportions. The missing scores for the vacant Super #1 and Hour #8 slots were approximated by looking at each team's performance in the other bonuses. The 6 known Action scores informed the seventh.
Genitals' judges were generally strict, but the three missing topics-- TV Trivia, Sick Humor, and a Belushi Samurai Action-- lean towards Trivia's sweet spot where most teams thrive. And so we estimated that scores on these three topics might have been slightly higher than the average, but not too much. We were cautiously generous in making up totals. If some team that was getting 5's all night pulled a 24 on TV Trivia, well, good for them.
Six scores were announced after 6:30, namely Hours #6 and #7, Super #2, Actions #6 and #7, and the Ultra Bonus. By adding these known post-6:30 scores together, the bonus points beyond this last update for each team are as follows:
Mayhem -- 39 Phasers -- 36 Watusi -- 31 Yo Mama -- 23 Broxta -- 19 Telescopes -- 17 Barnyard -- 16 Skyliners -- 15 (on just 2 boni)Phasers scored another 91 points (approximately) in winning, increasing their 9-point lead to around 18 or 20 by contest's end. Notice that second-place Barnyard did notably poorly on the above six scores. By picking up 23 bonus points on Barnyard in the final 90 minutes, it is exceedingly likely that Unadulterated Mayhem was able to claim second place.
Watusi, who outscored the slumping Barnyard 31-16 in the list above, would now be 10 points ahead instead of 5 points back exclusively on bonus strength. They probably finished in third, depending on how they did head-to-head with Barnyard on the 63 points we don't know about. Based on known stats, we have calculated a bare 1-point difference. The positions of teams 5 through 8, Broxta, Yo Mama, Manhattan Skyliners and Telescopes, likely remained unchanged.
In the 6:30 score update, 71% of on-air questions and songs had already been scored. (Question-reading pace always picks up at the end.) After subtracting the approximate Bonus/Action scores, this is the estimated performance by each team in on-air points through Question 65. The maximum would have been 139 points, and the adjudged success ratio for each team is provided in parentheses:
Phasers -- 126 (90%) Barnyard --120 (86%) Watusi -- 116 (83%) Broxta -- 105 (75%) Mayhem -- 103 (74%) Yo Mama -- 94 (67%) Skyliners -- 82 (59%) Telescopes -- 64 (46%)Applying the estimated success ratios above, we can speculate pretty closely how the teams did on the final 26 questions (out of 53 available points):
Phasers -- 48 Barnyard -- 45 Watusi -- 44 Broxta -- 40 Mayhem -- 39 Yo Mama -- 35 Skyliners -- 31 Telescopes -- 24So, at last......
ESTIMATED FINAL SCORES FOR THE TOP 8 TEAMS:
(Announced 6:30 scores + Known Boni/Actions + Hour 8 (Estimated) + On-Air Points (Estimated)) = HYPOTHETICAL FINAL SCORES
Phasers -- (171 + 36 + 7 + 48) = 262-265 Mayhem -- (157 + 39 + 8 + 39) = 243-246 Watusi --- (157 + 31 + 7 + 44) = 239-241 Barnyard -- (162 + 16 + 5 + 45) = 228-231 Broxta --- (134 + 19 + 3 + 40) = 196-199 Yo Mama --- (122 + 23 + 4 + 35) = 184-187 Skyliners --- (97 + 15 + 0 + 31) = 143-146 Telescopes --- (88 + 17 + 2 + 2) = 130-133
BONUS-BY-BONUS, TEAM-BY-TEAM SCORES
Double-check our math! We're not afraid!
ULTRA BONUS: Suggested nouns from the Schoolhouse Rock "Noun" song. (Solved by three teams: Phasers (4 points); Broxta and Mayhem (3 pts each).
(*The name of a fourth (fake) team that turned in the correct answer was not read over the air by the squeamish DJ, and Genitals did not honor the pseudo- team's hard-earned 3 points. It would take until December, 1995 for the mighty "I Got Chunks of Guys Like You in My Stool" to officially begin to begin (and conclude) its Trivial legend.)
HOUR BONUS SCORES:
Hour #1: Washington DC:
Kapt. Karst's Krazy Kritters-- 0 (with not one correct answer!) Manhattan Skyliners -- 2 Telescopes Silhouetted.... -- 3 Smells Like Yo Mama -- 3 Team Broxta -- 4 Phasers on Stun: TNG -- 5 Unadulterated Mayhem -- 5 Barnyard -- 7 Eight Foot of Watusi -- 7(Krazy Kritters were later given on-air credit for a "really, really funny Ted Kennedy section," which added 0 points to their total.)
Hour #2: Sherlock Holmes:
Phasers --0 Barnyard -- 0 Telescopes --1 Yo Mama -- 1 Mayhem -- 3 Watusi -- 3(NOTE: With Krazy Kritters' performance in the first Hour Bonus, this contest may be the only one in history to inspire THREE "0" scores in Hour Boni. Phasers on Stun: The Next Generation may also be the first team since the change in Hour Bonus scoring to a sliding scale to suffer a zero but still win the contest. (Originally, Hour Bonus points were all-or-nothing and few teams got all 8)
Hour #3: Sports:
Broxta -- 2 Yo Mama -- 2 Mayhem -- 3 Barnyard -- 4 Telescopes -- 6 Watusi -- 8 Phasers -- 8
Hour #4: Audio: Movie First & Last Lines:
Manhattan Skyliners -- 1 Yo Mama -- 1 Telescopes -- 1 Solid Watusi -- 2 Unadulterated Mayhem -- 2 Team Broxta -- 2 Barnyard -- 3 Phasers: TNG -- 3
Hour #5: Frobozz Magic:
Telescopes -- 1 Barnyard -- 2 Watusi -- 2 Broxta -- 2 Phasers -- 3 Yo Mama -- 5 Mayhem -- 8
Hour #6: Audio: Classical Music:
Broxta-- 3 Telescopes-- 3 Barnyard-- 5 Phasers-- 5 Skyliners-- 6 Watusi-- 7 Yo Mama-- 8 Mayhem-- 8
Hour #6: Johns:
Barnyard -- 3 Broxta -- 3 Telescopes -- 4 Watusi -- 4 Yo Mama -- 6 Phasers -- 7 Mayhem -- 8
Hour #8: Sick Humor:
SUPER BONUS SCORES:
Super #1: TV Trivia:
Super #2: Liberal Arts:
Barnyard-- 4 Team Broxta-- 7 Yo Mama-- 7 Telescopes..... -- 7 Manhattan Skyliners-- 9 Solid Watusi-- 12 Unadulterated Mayhem-- 15 Phasers:TNG-- 15
ACTION BONUS SCORES:
"People's Court" Action -- Mayhem 2; Barnyard 2; Phasers 2; Mama 2; Broxta 3.
"Harry Met Sally" Action -- Telescopes 2; Watusi 3; Mama 3; Phasers 3; Mayhem 4; Barnyard 4; Broxta 5.
"Star Trek" Action -- Telescopes 1; Phasers 2; Yo Mama 2; Mayhem 3.
Belushi Samurai Action -- Mayhem 5, other scores unavailable
Biggus Dickus Action -- Broxta 1; Phasers 1; Mayhem 4; Barnyard 4.
Count Floyd Action --Telescopes 2; Mayhem 3; Phasers 3; Watusi 4.
Elvis OR Michael Jackson Action-- Telescopes 1; Phasers 2; Mama 2; Mayhem 2; Broxta 3; Barnyard 4; Watusi 4 (only Broxta attempted Jackson or morphing)
THE QUANDARY OF INSTA-BONI:
A siren wailed over WCFM, as Genitals prepared to announce four 20-minute bonus challenge tasks. Teams would have to assemble their booty and race down quickly to Baxter. Generally, teams got 3 points for "the most," 2 points for "a lot," and 1 point for "some." These worked as shakily as most Insta-type boni have on each occasion they've been attempted, although Genitals did have one notion that was truly inspired. Everybody pays lip service to really wanting to win Trivia. But "bring down the most human hair" really put that sentiment to the ultimate test.
It is thoroughly uncertain how Insta-Boni affected the overall scores and positions, if at all. As far as the Insta's effect on estimating scores, every Insta point applied to an team's overall score reduces its average effectiveness quotient on the regular contest. In other words, Barnyard may have padded their performance with Insta-points, and therefore answered questions at only a 84% or 85% clip, rather than the 86% calculated above, which might in turn make their (or any team's) final estimated score a point or two on the high side. It didn't help that after a while, Genitals stopped announcing any results for their Instas.
Bring down the most human hair: 3 pts-- Broxta (or possibly Barnyard, or both; Genitals announced both teams multiple times) 2 pts-- Smells like Yo Mama; Unadulterated Mayhem 1 pt-- Phasers on Stun: The Next Generation; Telescopes Silhouetted.... Bring down the longest chain of paper clips: 3 pts-- Barnyard 2 pts-- Broxta; Smells Like Yo Mama 1 pt-- Telescopes Bring down as many pennies as you can: Results unavailable. Bring down as many yellow security jackets as you can: Results unavailable.