| 272 | We Make Holes in Teeth! |
| 272 | Certain Unnamed Persons in Taffeta |
| 260 | Bob Ross 2: Electric Boogaloo |
| 249 | The Penultimate Mohican |
| 218 | My Hovercraft is Full of Eels |
| 168 | Manhattan Skyliners |
| 141 | Pol Pot |
| 20 | Tasmanian Tree Biters of the North |
| 10 | Jason and the Bad in Bed |
| 7 | She's No Fun, She Fell Right Over |
| 2 | Bob is Flattered By All the Attention |
| 2 | Catapult Granny |
| 2 | Fugue for Puppies |
| 2 | Screaming Vixens |
| 2 | Jeff McMahon is a Traitor |
| 1 | Alien Nose Job (J&M from California) |
| 1 | Bill Wants to Play Too |
| 1 | We Dug Your Mother Up, Her Skeleton |
| 1 | God Love the Gaseous Weiner |
| 1 | I'll Blind You |
| 1 | Swear to God, We Eviscerate with Love |
| 1 | Bizzo the Smitten Kitten |
| 1 | More Wacky Prisoner Lawsuit Questions, Please |
| 1 | Nice Wallpaper, Mrs. Cobain |
| 1 | Successful Grillo Insertions |
| 1 | Strider |
TIEBREAKER QUESTIONS:
There was an announced tie between We Make Holes in Teeth! and Certain Unnamed Persons in Taffeta. There were three sudden-death questions. Both teams, connected via one phone line, had one minute to answer each before the next was read. After the three questions were read, the three answers-- Teeth's, Taffeta's, and the correct one-- were read. Another tie would have meant three additional questions.
TIEBREAKER QUESTION #1:
Please tell us the only word in the English language that means "red" and "green" at the same time.
Holes In Teeth answer: "Pepper."
Persons In Taffeta answer: "Apple."
Correct Answer: "Cinnepole."
Teeth and Taffeta still tied, 0-0.
TIEBREAKER QUESTION #2:
What are Close Encounters of the first and second kind?
Holes In Teeth answer: "First-- sighting; Second--physical evidence."
Persons In Taffeta answer: "First-- sighting; Second--physical evidence."
Correct Answer: First-- sighting; Second--physical evidence.
Teeth and Taffeta still tied, 1-1.
TIEBREAKER QUESTION #3:
There's something very unusual about all the books in the Brodigan Library in Burlington, Vermont. What is it?
Holes In Teeth answer: "It's a vanity library with no professional or commissioned published works."
Persons In Taffeta answer: "Every book in the library is a different edition of the same work."
Correct Answer: It's a vanity library with no professional or commissioned published works.
We Make Holes in Teeth! defeats Certain Unnamed Persons in Taffeta, 2-1.
FINAL ANNOUNCED SCORES (TOP 7 TEAMS)
| 272 | We Make Holes in Teeth! |
| 272 | Certain Unnamed Persons in Taffeta |
| 260 | Bob Ross 2: Electric Boogaloo |
| 249 | The Penultimate Mohican |
| 218 | My Hovercraft is Full of Eels |
| 168 | Manhattan Skyliners |
| 141 | Pol Pot |
The Spring 1996 contest featured one of the closest races in contest history, with two evenly matched trivia behemoths (and a very strong third place squad on their heels) battling into the ninth hour. Both teams-- "Certain Unnamed Persons in Taffeta" and "We Make Holes in Teeth!"-- had about 25 players apiece, most of whom had won Williams Trivia before. It was altogether fitting that the two teams ended their regular contest in a 272-272 tie.
Or DID they?
The numbers below have been reconstructed from Mindless Jerks' on-air announcements and team sources. The underlying mathematics reveal that there's a LOT more to running a trivia contest than picking songs and thinking up bonus questions.
BONUS-BY-BONUS SCORING:
Hour Bonus #1 (Ads): Taffeta 7, TEETH 10 Hour Bonus #2 (Opera): TAFFETA 8, Teeth 6 Hour Bonus #3 (Numbers audio): Taffeta 5, TEETH 8 Hour Bonus #4 (Sports): TAFFETA 4, TEETH 4 Hour Bonus #5 (Video): Taffeta 5, TEETH 8 Hour Bonus #6 (Immortals): TAFFETA 9, Teeth 8 Hour Bonus #7 (Powders): Taffeta 5, TEETH 7 Hour Bonus #8 (Food): Taffeta 5, TEETH 8 Super Bonus #1 (Clue): TAFFETA 20, Teeth 19 Super Bonus #2 (Maps): no scores ever given by Mindless Jerks(NOTE: It would seem that the Super Boni were worth a maximum of 20, though Mindless Jerks never overtly announced this. The "Clue" Super was a multi-level puzzle with a specific answer. Since Taffeta solved it completely and got a 20, we have inferred that 20 was the highest possible score. Strangely, Teeth ALSO had total accuracy, yet somehow lost a point.)
Action #1 (Frodo/Bill &Ted): TAFFETA 4, Teeth 2 Action #2 (Princess Bride): TAFFETA 3, Teeth 2 Action #3 (Fornication): TAFFETA 5, Teeth 3 Action #4 (Faust/Satan): TAFFETA 5, Teeth 3 Action #5 (Rube Goldberg): TAFFETA 4, Teeth 3 Action #6 (J.Chan Shakesp.): TAFFETA 5, Teeth 3 Action #7 (World War 1 dance): TAFFETA 4, Teeth 3 4 AM Paper Football challenge: Taffeta 0, TEETH 2 (there's no indication this even counted) Ultra Bonus: No scores given. However, it must have been Taffeta 0, TEETH 1 On-Air Questions/Songs (178 available points): Taffeta ?, Teeth 168
TEETH TOTALS:
Hour Boni: 59
Super Boni: 19 (+ ??? for the second)
Actions: 19
Ultra: 1
Questions: 168
Total: 266 (or 268 with the 4 AM football points)
All scores are accounted for, save the mystery score for Super Bonus #2. A 266 total above, subtracted from a 272 final score, would imply a 6-point result for the second Super Bonus (or 4 points with the 4 AM Challenge). This is not so (Ownership of a 'Dictionary of Imaginary Places' ensured this). Simply put, We Make Holes in Teeth! could NOT have scored lower than 281 total, and may have managed 288. Something went seriously kablooie with Mindless Jerks' scoring system.
TAFFETA TOTALS:
Hour Boni: 48
Super Boni: 20 (+ ??? for the second)
Actions: 30
Ultra: 0
Questions: ?
Total: ?
It is impossible to compute Taffeta's actual score against their announced 272. Unlike Teeth, they did not keep records of their correct Q-and-song answers as the night progressed. However, Taffeta sources indicate that their performance in this category was in the same general vicinity as Teeth. (Teeth missed just 10 available points.) Between the on-air questions and the second Super, Taffeta scored (allegedly) 174 out of 198. Taffeta is certain they could not have missed 24 of those points. This being the case, Taffeta's official score is equally messed up.
It is clear that We Make Holes in Teeth! scored over 280 points in the contest. It is likely that Certain Unnamed Persons in Taffeta did likewise. (Sorry, but no idea whether Teams 3-7 were affected by points-shaving.)
Taffeta topped Teeth by a convincing margin in Action Trivia, 30-19. Teeth turned around and bettered Taffeta by approximately the same degree in Boni, 78-68. These two categories added together gives a one-point edge to Taffeta, 98-97. Teeth's 1-0 Ultra score eliminates that. This supports a possible tie.
However, the 168 out of 178 on-air total for Teeth makes it very unlikely that Taffeta could have bettered Teeth's performance there. This is the strongest-- indeed, only-- argument that Teeth might've won in regulation time.
But the central point remains: no way in hell was the final score 272-272.
That leaves the central unanswered question: was it a tie score?
Who knows? It could have been. Obviously, if both teams scored somewhere between 281 and 288, that allows for 64 possible scores, only eight of which are ties. So the odds are against a tie, but they do not preclude one.
Is there any way to know which team was cheated if the real score was (for example) 285-283? That is, who had the 285 and who had the 283? Again, no. It is exceedingly doubtful that Taffeta outdid Teeth on the phones, which means that it's slightly more likely they lost ground than gained. However, who's to say that Taffeta didn't get 169 on-air points and win the whole contest by one?
The second Super Bonus results, or lack thereof, compound the confusion. Without those Super Bonus #2 scores, there's no way of knowing if Taffeta didn't go ahead and beat Teeth there by 19-16, 20-15, 18-17, or any other imaginary score you care to concoct. For that matter, Teeth may have edged Taffeta in Super Bonus AND on-air points, and beaten them by 8 or 10 overall. Or, not.
If there was a large margin of victory, say 7-10 points, Teeth won. If there was a smaller margin, either team might have won. And if there really was a tie.... well, there WAS a tie, right?