Please identify the author/speaker of each of the following poems, and the TV show where they originated. (**Asterisks next to the title means that the poem didn't come with one, so we just made one up.)
IMAGES
Dark and lonely is the savage night Kill my landlord, kill my landlord Watchdog barking-- do he bite? Kill my landlord, kill my landlord Open he window, break he neck Then his house I start to wreck Got no reason-- what the heck! Kill my landlord, kill my landlord C-I-L-L my landlord.
TO WHOM IT CONCERNS
To whom it concerns Darlene's work will be late It fell on her pancakes And stuck to her plate To whom it concerns My mom made me write this But I'm just a kid So how can I fight this? To whom it concerns I lost my assignment Maybe I'll get lucky In solitary confinement To whom it concerns Darlene's great with a ball But guys don't watch tomboys When they're cruising the hall To whom it concerns I just turned 13 Too short to be quarterback Too plain to be queen To whom it concerns I am not made of steel When I get blindsided My pain is quite real I don't mean to squawk But it really burns I just thought I'd mention it To whom it concerns
HAIKU
that was cool, huh, huh when we killed that frog, huh, huh it won't croak again.
**THE BEAST WITHIN
Hello again to all my friends I'm glad you came to play Our fun and learning never ends Here's what we did today!
**THE ESSENCE OF PUREBREAD (Elegy For A Dying Utopia)
When Polly's in trouble I am not slow It's hip-hip-hip, And away I go!
I CARE
When hooters are around,
And the wife cannot be found,
--I care.
When a Mustang engine purrs,
And the bathroom is not hers,
--I care.
When the pitcher's on the mound,
And the wife is underground,
--I care.
But when I've been playing this for days,
I will kill anyone who stays,
--I swear!
**DAMNABLE FLEAS
Mary had a little lamb
My dog has fleas
Mairzy doats and doazy doats
And I'll be home for Christmas
Your loving son,
Queen Victoria
**PANTS
A little song, A little dance, A little seltzer down your pants.
**WOO
Roses are red And how do you do. Four drinks of this, And woo-woo-woo-WOO!
THIS PLANET WARM AND HUMAN
Mia. Now Mia's been a very popular Name in the newspapers lately, Murcer. I mean. That took the headline. Unbelievable! Only in New York Would it take the headlines away. Yeah. Unbelievable. Terrible. Terrible what's happening in that situation And with all that going on down in Florida. Boy. They're still showing those pictures on TV Of the damage down in Florida. By the way, Are we going to Florida today, Moore? O, that's in for a base hit! Two runs will score! No they won't.
ODE TO SPOT
Felis cattus is your taxonomic nomenclature An endothermic quadroped, carniverous by nature Your visual, olfactory, and auditory senses Contribute to your hunting skills and natural defenses I find myself intrigued by your subvocal oscillations A singular development of cat communications That obviates your basic hedonistic predilections For a rhythmic stroking of your fur to demonstrate affection A tail is quiteessential for your acrobatic talents You would not be so agile if you lacked its counter-balance And when not being utilized to aid in locomotion It often serves to illustrate the state of your emotion Oh, Spot, the complex levels of behavior you display Connote a fairly well-developed cognitive array. And though you are not sentient, Spot, and do not comprehend I nonetheless consider you a true and valued friend.
**THE HEART IS A HUNGRY APE
I got your note Here's one from me I still like you Do you still like me? --Darla P.S. Butch is a DOPE
**IMMUTABLE ANGST
Miriam, Miriam Come into my solarium.
ANOTHER CHRISTMAS OF AGONY i. Misha the dog lies dead in the bog. ii. The children mourn over the carcass. The mist chokes my heart Covers the mourners iii. At least this year we eat.
CLOUDS
Cascading Cascading water A waterfall Clouds Lots of them Light and puffy You know.....clouds! And flowers, covered with dew And trees hanging over And you and me, naked on a rock.
**ELEGY WRITTEN UPON A WINDOWSILL
As he crept out into the stealthy night air, Little did he realize that the fire escape was not there!
**LOVEMAN
H: What you got ta do
If you want a kiss
Is act real smooth
And go like [THIS].
A: ***Oh, I see***
So if I take your
advice
& make your pat en ted move
Then my chances for love
Will slightly improve.
H: (Now what's that rule?)
A: Play it cool.
**INTRUSION
Up your nose With a rubber hose.
**THE PIXIE'S LAMENT
I am the Fairie Pixie....
Hark!
Come listen to my tale.
"Bain, Bain, go away.
Willis is in the clink to stay.
Kimberly's posing in the nude,
And Arnold's life will soon conclude."
**ANGRY YOUNG DANE
Ophelia: Hamlet, dear--
Your problem is clear.
Avenging thy father's death,
You seek to harm
Your uncle and mom--
But you're scaring me to death!
While I die, and sigh, and cry,
That love is everything,
You're content to try to touch
The conscience of a king.
Since the day when your dad met his fate,
You brood,
and you don't touch your food.
You hate your ma, mad at my pa.
You'll kill the king,
or some silly thing.
So Hamlet, Hamlet, do be a man.
Leave rotten enough alone.
From Ophelia, no one can steal ya--
You'll always be my own.
Leave the gravedigger scene,
If you know what I mean.
Danish pastry for two,
For me, for you.
Hamlet: In truth, Ophelia, you have said a mouthful.
**BOX
Postmarks are a lot more than bureaucratic hieroglyphs. They're symbols of a sacred trust. That package has been anointed and sealed. Like King Tut's tomb, we open it at great personal risk. Some people look at that box and see a box. You know what I see? The spice route to India! The headwaters of the Nile! The darkside of the moon! Terra incognita! I see Alaska, people!
OZYMANDIUS
I met a traveller from an antique land Who said, "Six vast and trunkless legs of stone Stand in the desert And on the pedestal these words appear-- "My name is Ozymandius, King of Ants! Look on my feelers,termites, and despair! I am the biggest ant you'll ever see. The ants of old Weren't half as bold And big and fierce as me!"
**CREEPY GIRL
C is for the feeling of uncertainty for not quite knowing what ethnic group you're from. R is for the gifts you give me every time you smile. The first E is for--uh, well, I don't really know-- But the second E is really a grammatical thing. Because otherwise it would be "CREPY GIRL" And where would that leave us? The P is definitely not for platonic. And Y? Because I love you, My Creepy Girl. Oh, what are you, Creepy Girl? Are you French, Italian or one of those swarthy gypsy types? Your accent suggests a romance language, but I can't be sure. But we can definitely rule out a Germanic language. But it's okay. I'm a bot without a country, And all I know is that I love you.
**COME FISH COME
Come fish come, Come fish come. Sam's at the gate With a frosted cake. Come fish come. Fly away buzzard, Fly away crow, Way down South,where the winds don't blow. Rub your nose And give two winks, And save us from the awful jinx.
** CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?
Sticks and stones May break my bones, But you are one dumb Polack.