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TONIGHT'S "TOP FIVE" LIST

Here for your anal pleasure (NO, you pig, not THAT), we present the Top 5 final scores for as many Williams Trivia contests as possible. This may allow you to see how teams developed.... or how overall point totals have ebbed and surged.... or whatever.

Full scores for teams #6-to-#?? are available for many of these contests, in their individual folders. Some are not currently available. And some are unlikely to EVER be available. (Heartbreaking, if you really NEED to know just which bogus 2-point team finished in 36th place, as opposed to 43rd.)

Winter 2004/05 (Contest #77)

  1. Deine Mutter ist Geekenvermachtstaffle (283 pts.)
  2. Penn 15 (264 pts.)
  3. The Wind of Spiritual Horniness (258 pts.)
  4. Do You Have Coffee That Tastes Like Scotch? (252 pts.)
  5. Ring Goes On, Ring Goes Off (212 pts.)

Spring 2004 (Contest #76)

  1. Worker and Parasite (304 pts.)
  2. Bacchae Aphasia (276 pts.)
  3. Nature's Scurviest Miracle (264 pts.)
  4. Attack of the 50-foot Nut Roll (244 pts.)
  5. Eat Obscure Alchemical Metal, You Fiend-Skank! (239 pts.)

Winter 2003-04 (Contest #75)

  1. Mortal Wombat (320 pts.)
  2. Human Hindenburgs (304 pts.)
  3. D-Unit (246 pts.)
  4. Dan's Sister Loves Mr. Freud, Who Beat My Mother at Breakfast with a Coffee Cup. Down with the Matriarchy! (246 pts.)
  5. Is That a Deku Stick in Your Pocket, or Are You Just Happy to See Me? (234 pts.)

Spring 2003 (Contest #74)

  1. Click Here to Get Huge (280 pts.)
  2. Funny, These Fries Don't Taste Like Freedom (241 pts.)
  3. Mortal Kumquat (231 pts.)
  4. Salted Nut Roll, King Size with Cream (159 pts.)
  5. We've Got a Date with Destiny, and It Looks Like She Just Ordered the Lobster (157 pts.)

Winter 2002 (Contest #73)

  1. Night of the Day of the Dawn of the Son of the Bride of the Return of the Reverse of the Terror of the Attack of the Evil Mutant Hellbound Zombified Flesh-Eating Subhumanoid Living Dead Part IV (305 pts.)
  2. Rule 6.1 (275 pts.)
  3. The Really Really Really Really Good Looking Team (225 pts.)
  4. Curse Your Sudden But Inevitable Betrayal (217 pts.)
  5. Mortal Kombat Intelligence Squad (216 pts.)

Spring 2002 (Contest #72)

  1. Joanie Loves Trotsky (340 pts.)
  2. Culminating in a Spectacular Final Battle on the Surface of the Moon (314 pts.)
  3. Jean-Paul Sartre and the Pussycats (290 pts.)
  4. Castle Anthrax (273 pts.)
  5. Barking Spider (268 pts.)

Winter 2001 (Contest #71)

  1. Neutered Vampires Who Cheat at Kitten Poker (308 pts.)
  2. Please Don't Shoot the Violist (289 pts.)
  3. Dead Squirrels Can't Jump (225 pts.)
  4. Thirsty Goat Blowers (172 pts.)
  5. Chlamydia is Not a Flower (153 pts.)

Spring 2001 (Contest #70)

  1. I Say It's Duck Season, and I Say "Fire!" (314 pts.)
  2. I've Got Spain Up My Nose (251 pts.)
  3. We Will Bring The Limp And Beaten Body of Bob Barker (241 pts.)
  4. So Many Cats, So Few Recipes (231 pts.)
  5. Brutally Sodomized By A Panda (197 pts.)

Winter 2000 (Contest #69)

  1. Holy Sack and the Resident Vomit Specialists (306 pts.)
  2. Not Everybody Can Experience the Glory That is Steve's Mom (294 pts.)
  3. Subtle Plans Are Here Again (284 pts.)
  4. Naked and Reeking of Panda Love (268 pts.)
  5. It's Not Snowing Here (208 pts.)

Spring 2000 (Contest #68)

  1. The Funk of 40,000 Years (316 pts.)
  2. We Had a Pregnant Geologist, And We're Not Afraid to Use Her (311 pts.)
  3. I Love You, Miss Kitty Fantastico (274 pts. )
  4. Pac-Man Ate a Cherry, But It Was Only Worth 100 Points (255 pts.)
  5. More Fun Than a Barrel of Ebola Monkeys (230 pts.)

Winter 1999 (Contest #67)

  1. Make Way for Ducklings, Motherfucker (300 pts.)
  2. Reduces Mouse to a Souplike Homogenate in 0.3 Seconds (295 pts.)
  3. The Lighter Side of the Marquis de Sade (255 pts.)
  4. Into the Hamper with Cousin Jed! (164 pts.)
  5. Wu-Tang Forever (154 pts.)

Spring 1999 (Contest #66)

  1. Pokemon Labolatory (287 pts.)
  2. Obi-Wan Cannoli (268 pts.)
  3. Holy Crap! It's The Children of the Corn! (251 pts.)
  4. Bear Hangers (243 pts.)
  5. Neve Campbell Promised Me Naughty Girl-Girl Action (237 pts.)

Winter 1998 (Contest #65)

  1. I've Got Ives in My Pants (326 pts.)
  2. Why Did Those Seagulls Take My Sister? (297 pts.)
  3. Every Day is Halloween When You Break Up Children and Steal Their Candy (283 pts.)
  4. Aim Here For God (275 pts.)
  5. I May Be Love's Bitch, But At Least I'm Man Enough to Admit It (257 pts.)

Spring 1998 (Contest #64)

  1. At 200 Miles Per Hour, There is No Diplomatic Immunity (313 pts.)
  2. Mark Taylor Has Only One Ass. He Is Of No Use to Us. We Must Burn the Room, Burn the Room! (307 pts.)
  3. Dude, Being a Pilgrim Totally Sucks Ass! (303 pts.)
  4. Nancy Sinatra Was Quite a Choice Piece of Ass (276 pts.)
  5. Carpe Mortum (255 pts.)

Winter 1997 (Contest #63)

  1. A Dead Postman Doesn't Deliver Much Mail (285 pts.)
  2. I Got My Head Shaved By a Zamboni (250 pts.)
  3. Sublime Ferrets Are in My Underpants (244 pts.)
  4. Brains of Steel, Bodies of Styrofoam (233 pts.)
  5. Cursing, Fornication, and the Singing of Obscene Songs (222 pts.)

Spring 1997 (Contest #62)

  1. Cthulhu Matata (306 pts.)
  2. The Challenge of Mr. Sparkle (302 pts.)
  3. The Force Runs Strong In My Pants (267 pts.)
  4. Shoot Me, Stuff Me, Mount Me (244 pts.)
  5. The Salmon Mousse (216 pts.)

Winter 1996 (Contest #61)

  1. Gentle Tongue Tongue, He Weeps, For He Has But One Tongue With Which to Taste An Entire World (365 pts.)
  2. Bob Ross III: Pimpbot 2000 (355 pts.)
  3. Many Shrubs and Zulus Knew What It Is To Be Roasted in the Depths of the Sloor That Day, I Can Tell You (354 pts.)
  4. The Penultimate Supper (300 pts.)
  5. Suicide for Beginners (280 pts.)

Spring 1996 (Contest #60)

  1. We Make Holes in Teeth! (272+ pts.)-- WON IN OVERTIME
  2. Certain Unnamed Persons in Taffeta (272+ pts.)
  3. Bob Ross 2: Electric Boogaloo (260 pts.)
  4. The Penultimate Mohican (249 pts.)
  5. My Hovercraft is Full of Eels (218 pts.)

Winter 1995 (Contest #59)

  1. A Bunch of Mindless Jerks Who'll Be the First Up Against the Wall When the Revolution Comes (262 pts.)
  2. Uncle Doobie, Goodtime Slim, and the Great Frisco Freak-Out (255 pts.)
  3. The Artist Formerly Known as Bob Ross (freshmen) (242 pts.)
  4. Santa's Little Secret Service (211 pts.)
  5. Uluating Eliamosinary New York Times Correction Society (190 pts.)

Spring 1995 (Contest #58)

  1. Elvis Needs Boats! (303 pts.)
  2. Vicious Chicken of Bristol (247 pts.)
  3. Never Underestimate the Power of Soup (256 pts.)
  4. Indefatigable Brobdingnagian Floccinaucinihilipilificatrices (242 pts.)
  5. The Manhattan Skyliners (222 pts.)

Winter 1994 (Contest #57)

  1. Can't.....Do....Plaid (thud) (315 pts.)
  2. The Weak and Cowardly Have No Place in Shuffleboard (295 pts.)
  3. Indefatigable Brobdingnagian Floccinaucinihilipilificatrices (219 pts.)
  4. Resistance is Futile (201 pts.)
  5. Butt (200 pts.)

Spring 1994 (Contest #56)

  1. How DARE They Challenge Us With Their Primitive Skills? (272 pts.)
  2. There'll Be No Blaming Mother Tonight! (239 pts.)
  3. Sinusoidal Tupperware with Gumption (239 pts.)
  4. The Manhattan Skyliners (219 pts.)
  5. My BOOMstick! (207 pts.)

Winter 1993 (Contest #55)

  1. Oh No, Bette Midler! (257 pts.)
  2. Huh-Huhhh-Huh-Huh-Huhhhhhh!!! (252 pts.)
  3. A Gaggle of Small-Nosed Love Wenches (223 pts.)
  4. Shiny Happy Tupperware of Doom (186 pts.)
  5. The Shallow End of The Gene Pool (176 pts.)

Spring 1993 (Contest #54)

  1. The Purpose of the Military Is To Kill People and To Break Things (314 pts.)
  2. A Thermos of Phlegm (283 pts.)
  3. It Goes To "Eleven" (246 pts.)
  4. Your Midsection: That Pandora's Box of Ills and Thrills (241 pts.)
  5. We Have a Wench, and We're Not Afraid to Use Her (230 pts.)

Winter 1992 (Contest #53)

  1. Your Plastic Pal Who's Fun to Be With (312 pts.)
  2. I Want to Come Back As Your Trousers (291 pts.)
  3. Someday All This Will Be Yours (264 pts.)
  4. A Spasm of Raspberry Cream and Beer (250 pts.)
  5. Parsley, Rosemary and Thyme (243 pts.)

Spring 1992 (Contest #52)

  1. Phasers on Stun: The Next Generation (~263 pts.)
  2. Unadulterated Mayhem for a Good Cause (~244 pts.)
  3. Eight Foot of Solid Watusi (~240 pts.)
  4. Barnyard (~229 pts.)
  5. Team Brocksta (~197 pts.)

Winter 1991 (Contest #51)

  1. Not Everybody Keeps Their Genitals in the Same Place (306 pts.)
  2. Play To Win and I'll Kill You (309/305 pts.)
  3. Fear Is Never Boring (287 pts.)
  4. Wildlife Waiting to Be Fondled (277 pts.)
  5. Unholy Union of the Basselope (233 pts.)

Spring 1991 (Contest #50)

  1. Phasers On Stun: The Next Generation (321 pts.)
  2. Beaker, I Find You Hauntingly Attractive (263 pts.)
  3. Lithium is No Longer Available on Credit (257 pts.)
  4. Donald Duck is Down at the Crossroads with a Machine Gun (217 pts.)
  5. Hey, Shawn, What Are You and Craig Doing with Wally's Broomstick? (194 pts.)

Winter 1990 (Contest #49)

  1. Five is Right Out
  2. I Will Not Do That Thing With My Tongue
  4.  

Spring 1990 (Contest #48)

  1. Oxygen is for Losers (328 pts.)
  2. Miserable Fat Belgian Bastards (314 pts.)
  3. Phasers on Stun (306 pts.)
  4. This Must Be Where Pies Go to Die (288 pts.)
  5. The Bitches of Bangladesh (240 pts.)

Winter 1989 (Contest #47)

  1. Son, You've Got a Panty on Your Head
  2.  
  4.  

Spring 1989 (Contest #46)

  1. Harry "Snapper" Organs (309 pts.)
  2. There Can Be No Dialogue with Fungus (306 pts.)
  3. Something Strange is Afoot at the Circle K (298 pts.)
  4. Phasers on Stun (275 pts.)
  5. Call the Rugsuckers (248 pts.)

Winter 1988 (Contest #45)

  1. Leave the Gun, Take the Cannolis (295 pts.)
  2. Ralph the Wonder Llama (230 pts.)
  3. Apes Don't Read Philosophy (228 pts.)
  4. I Am a Locksmith, and I Am a Locksmith (196 pts.)
  5. It's Hot, It's Wild, It's 80's! (162 pts.)

Spring 1988 (Contest #44)

  • Silly Me, That's Not the Talking End
  • Entirely Uncontaminated by Cheese
  • Elvis Needs Boats
  • Scrambled Debutante
  • Phasers on Stun

    Winter 1987 (Contest #43)

    1. A Judo a Chop Chop Chop (301 pts.)
    2. Lick My Love Pump (299 pts.)
    3. Costa Rican Volcanoes (295 pts.)
    4. Occam's Toothbrush (283 pts.)
    5. Phasers on Stun (271 pts.)

    Spring 1987 (Contest #42)

    1. I Don't Have to Answer That Question! (302 pts.)
    2. Venezuelan Beaver Cheese (293 pts.)
    3. We All Know How Painful That Can Be (274 pts.)
    4. Phasers on Stun (238 pts.)
    5. Kids, Don't Try This at Home (226 pts.)

    Winter 1986 (Contest #41)

    1. We Start Bombing in Five Minutes (369 pts.)-- WON IN OVERTIME
    2. All the Sugar, Twice the Caffeine (368 pts.)
    3. Anything Other Than Itself (358 pts.)
    4. Live Organ Transplant (270 pts.)
    5. Phasers on Stun (228 pts.)

    Spring 1986 (Contest #40)

    1. The Giant Pygmies of Beckles (276 pts.)
    2. Chernobyl Homeowners' Association (275 pts.)
    3. The Three Least Hairy Things in the Refrigerator (262 pts.)
    4. Flourescent Sheep from Kiev (258 pts.)
    5. Substantial Penalty for Early Withdrawal (217 pts.)

    Winter 1985 (Contest #39)

    1. My Second Favorite Organ (291 pts.)
    2. Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems (268 pts.)
    3. A Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy (~248 pts.)
    4. A Super-Intelligent Shade of the Color Blue (209 pts.)
    5. Phasers on Stun (188 pts.)

    Spring 1985 (Contest #38)

    1. Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius (309 pts.)
    2. General Tsao's Chicken (291 pts.)
    3. Phasers On Stun (277 pts.)
    4. Care Bear Casserole (218 pts.)
    5. Frogs Without Hemoglobin -- Part II (198 pts.)

    Winter 1984 (Contest #37)

    1. Nasty Big Pointed Teeth
    2.  
    4.  

    Spring 1984 (Contest #36)

    1. Chicago 60609 (324 pts.)
    2. Round Up the Usual Suspects (316 pts.)
    3. Phasers On Stun (264 pts.)
    4. I'll Take Dead Game Show Hosts for 20, Jack (234 pts.)
    5. Loose Shoes, Good Sex, and a Warm Place to Go to the Bathroom (211 pts.)

    Winter 1983 (Contest #35)

    1. Rule Six (265 pts.)
    2. The Rest on Gift Certificate (250 pts.)
    3. Flourescent Sheep from Lawrence, Kansas (222 pts.)
    4. Make My Day (191 pts.)
    5. The Magical Morgan Mystical Mobile (187 pts.)

    Spring 1984 (Contest #34)

    1. Phasers On Stun (292,000 pts.)
    2. Walter J. Zwircon (288,000 pts.)
    3. Very Small Rocks (280,000 pts.)
    4. Decisive Camel (210,000 pts.)
    5. Do You Feel Lucky, Punk? (210,000 pts.)

    Winter 1982 (Contest #33)

    1. Smedley Terrace (261 pts.)
    2. Odds and Ends for 20, Art (246 pts.)
    3. Jerry's Kids (204 pts.)
    4. Maria La Concha (173 pts.)
    5. Communist Mutants from Outer Space (165 pts.)

    Spring 1982 (Contest #32)

    1. Local 12 (~280 pts.)
    2. Paul Lynde to Block (~271 pts.)
    3. The Spanish Inquisition (~268 pts.)
    4. Charlie Singer to Block (~228 pts.)
    5. Death Squadron (~188 pts.)
      The Manhattan Skyliners (~188 pts.)

    Winter 1981 (Contest #31)

    1. The Singleman Party
    2.  
    4.  

    Spring 1981 (Contest #30)

    1. Phasers On Stun (245 pts.)
    2. Death Frog (223 pts.)
    3. Fubar (217 pts.)
    4. Navel Jelly (212 pts.)
    5. Tironic Leviligists (209 pts.)

    Winter 1980 (Contest #29)

    1. Grape Nehi (270 pts.)
    2. Giga (266 pts.)
    3. Ethel the Frog (227 pts.)
    4. His Boy Elroy (211 pts.)
    5. Tironic Leviligists (210 pts.)

    Spring 1980 (Contest #28)

    1. The Cunning Linguists (280 pts.)
    2. Alphabet Soup (271 pts.)
    3. Giga (266 pts.)
    4. BOMO (247 pts.)
    5. Spiny Norman (168 pts.)

    Winter 1979 (Contest #27)

    1. The Pros from Dover (214 pts.)
    2. Maximus Drott (202 pts.)
    3.  
    5.  

    Spring 1979 (Contest #26)

    1. Alphabet Soup (240 pts.)
    2. BOMO (236 pts.)
    3. As Time Goes By (200 pts.)
    4. Magilla Wick (171 pts.)
    5. Twelve O'Clock High (140 pts.)

    Winter 1978 (Contest #25)

    1. Maximus Drott (241 pts.)
    2. Alphabet Soup (232 pts.)
    3. Twelve O'Clock High (178 pts.)
    4. Little Rascules (110 pts.)
    5. Magilla Wick (106 pts.)

    Spring 1978 (Contest #24)

    1. BOMO (281 pts.)
    2. Maximus Drott (272 pts.)
    3. The Knights of Ni (251 pts.)
    4. Buda Bear (217 pts.)
    5. Twelve O'Clock High (201 pts.)

    Winter 1977 (Contest #23)

    1. Alphabet Soup (216 pts.)
    2. BOMO (200 pts.)
    3. Twelve O'Clock High (150 pts.)
    4. The Knights of Ni (145 pts.)
    5. Green Gee (141 pts.)

    Spring 1977 (Contest #22)

    1. General Morgasm (265 pts.)
    2. BOMO (260 pts.)
    3. Alphabet Soup (250 pts.)
    4. Universal Export (223 pts.)
    5. The Knights of Ni (197 pts.)

    Winter 1976 (Contest #21)

    1. Buda Bear (236 pts.)
    2. General Bumble (231 pts.)
    3. Morgasm (206 pts.)
    4. Alphabet Soup (205 pts.)
    5. Spam (205 pts.)

    Spring 1976 (Contest #20)

    1. BOMO (286 pts.)
    2. Buda Bear (258 pts.)
    3. Son of Whamo (249 pts.)
    4. Spam (243 pts.)
    5. House of Gee (239 pts.)

    Winter 1975 (Contest #19)

    1. General Bumble
    2. BOMO
    3.  
    4.  
    5.  

    Spring 1975 (Contest #18)

    1. Son of Wham-O
    2. BOMO
    3.  
    4.  
    5.  

    Winter 1974 (Contest #17)

    1. Carter House (aka House of Gee) (~290 pts.)
    2. BOMO
    3.  
    4.  
    5.  

    Spring 1974 (Contest #16)

    1. General Bumble
    2.  
    4.  

    Winter 1973 (Contest #15)

    1. BOMO (226 pts.)
    2. The General (218 pts.)
    3. Bee Bumble and the Stingers (193 pts.)
    4. Carter House (181 pts.)
    5. Chima (165 pts.)

    Spring 1973 (Contest #14)

    1. The Great Impostor (207 pts.)
    2. BOMO (201 pts.)
    3. Bee Bumble & the Stingers (194 pts.)
    4. The Grand Duchy of Fenwick (176 pts.)
    5. The General (171 pts.)

    Winter 1972 (Contest #13)

    1. Wham-O
    2.  
    4.  

    Spring 1972 (Contest #12)

    1. The Bayonettes-- WON IN OVERTIME
    2. The Grand Duchy of Fenwick
    3. Wham-O
    4. The Sparkletones
    5. Spencer-Brooks
      (These were, most likely, the 3-4-5 teams)

    Winter 1971 (Contest #11)

    1. Free Tumblers (199 pts.)
    2. The Grand Duchy of Fenwick (189 pts.)
    3. Bayonettes (188 pts.)
    4. Larry Catuzzi (156 pts.)
    5. Carter House (149 pts.)

    Spring 1971 (Contest #10)

    1. Xanadu (247 pts.)
    2. The Agard Memorial Tube Team
    3. B.F. Rats
    4. Wood House
    5. The Teeny Greasers
    6. Mark Hopkins
      (Agard and the Rats were likely the 2-3 teams. With early scores tight, it's all but impossible to predict which team among Wood, Teeny Greasers and Mark Hopkins ended up 4th and 5th. Other teams, including Spencer, Carter, Morgan Middle East, Sage A, Morgan East and the Sparkletones all had some kind of shot.)

    Winter 1970 (Contest #9)

    1. The Grand Duchy of Fenwick (221 pts.)
    2. The Sparkletones
    3. The American Legion
    4. Susie Hopkins House (alias Williams B)
    5.  
      (Carter, Tyler, and Fitch were candidates for the #5 slot.)

    Spring 1970
    NO CONTEST HELD

    Winter 1969 (Contest #8)

    1. Gladden (204 pts.)
    2. The Grand Duchy of Fenwick (191 pts.)
    3. The Fort/Fort Moosac (179 pts.)
    4. The Drunk Down at the American Legion
    5. Hopkins

    Spring 1969 (Contest #7)

    1. Williams B (136 pts.)
    2. Bryant (132 pts.)
    3. Gladden (128 pts.)
    4.  

    Winter 1968 (Contest #6)

    1. Carter House (204 pts.)
    2. Gladden (184 pts.)
    3. Bryant (145 pts.)
    4.  

    Spring 1968 (Contest #5)

    1. Morgan (166 pts.)
    2. Bascom (137 pts.)
    3. Berkshire (130 pts.)
    4. Hopkins (130 pts.)
    5.  

    Winter 1967 (Contest #4)

    1. Carter House (186 pts.)
    2.  
    4.  

    Spring 1967 (Contest #3)

    1. Carter House
    2. Garfield
    3.  
    5.  

    Winter 1966 (Contest #2)

    1. Carter House
    2.  
    4.  

    Spring 1966 (Contest #1)

    1. Garfield House
    2. Williams D
    3. Hopkins
    4.