Realm: A Specter Is Haunting Williams
Subrealm: The Specter of Erin Moran
Question: Our team is made up of dreamy romantics. We dream of a love that can never be, a love between a strong man and a weak actress, a love that transcends time and oceans, a love that unites radical Bolshevik action with fat, comfortable Wisconsin suburbia, a love that could have permanently altered the course of history, or at least ABC's Tuesday night schedule. Look into your own hearts, and describe this fragile, impossible romance in three words.
Answer: Joanie Loves Trotsky.
Song: "Careful With That Axe, Eugene" by Pink Floyd
Realm: 26-Year-Old Teenagers
Subrealm: TV Favors
Question: On "Dawson's Creek" last season, what did Joey ask Dawson to do for her?
Answer: Fill out a peer recommendation for her Williams College application (yes, she applied to Williams!).
Song: "Here and Now" by Letters to Cleo
Question: What prime time TV series was set the furthest in the past? Which was set the furthest in the future?
Answer: PAST: "Dinosaurs" (60,000,003 B.C.)FUTURE: "Battlestar Galactica" (60th century A.D.)
Song: "20th Century Boy" by T. Rex
Realm: Movie Stars
Subrealm: Movie Stars Who Don't Like Being Touched By Damn Dirty Apes
Question: When Charlton Heston movies are shown in Greece, they usually change his surname to "Easton." Why?
Answer: "Heston" means "to defecate in one's pants."
Song: "Lump" by the Presidents of the United States
Realm: Christmas Dinners
Subrealm: Sprung from the Head of Seuss
Question: What four items of food are mentioned in the text of "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas"?
Answer: Who-pudding; roast beast; Who hash; a crumb (that was even too small for a mouse).
Song: "Who Made Who" by AC/DC
Realm: TV Cartoons, Sci-Fi Movies, Longrunning Sitcoms and Japanese Imports
Subrealm: Sorry, We Used It All Up for the Realm
Question: Other than their being fictional, what is the common link between the following characters: Lisa Simpson, Ellie Arroway from "Contact", Frasier Crane's son Frederick, and The Blue Power Ranger?
Answer: They are all members of MENSA.
Song: "Start the Commotion" by the Wiseguys
Realm: And Introducing Marshall Lewis as Dusty
Subrealm: Hey, He Gets More Work These Days Than Erin Moran
Question: Marshall Lewis made the most unusual film debut ever in "The Truth About Charlie." What does he do in his one and only scene?
Answer: His ashes are scattered off a bridge.
Song: "Might Be Stars" by the Wannadies
Realm: Classical Composers
Subrealm: And Their Special Needs
Question: When Norwegian composer Edvard Grieg felt a little down and in need of inspiration, he used to reach into his pocket and stroke something very special to him. No, not *that*, you dirty-minded little perverts! Tell us, what was it that Edvard always carried in his pocket?
Answer: His frog.
Song: "At the Hop" by Danny & the Juniors
Realm: American Politicians
Subrealm: By Way of Jupiter
Question: Last November, Montana missed its chance to elect the first Senator of his kind in United States history. What was losing candidate Stan Jones' unique characteristic?
Answer: He's blue. (He drank colloidal silver in 1999 to protect his immune system from the Y2K apocalypse.)
Song: "Barbie Girl" by Aqua
Subrealm: Sexy Religion
Question: According to Jewish law, a king may have 18 wives. Technically speaking, who is allowed to have more?
Answer: Everyone. A man who isn't the king is allowed to have as many wives as he can support.
Song: "I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do" by ABBA
Realm: Literature 101
Subrealm: Durrhhh, This Book is Broken, All the Words Are Upside-Down
Question: In Aldous Huxley's "Brave New World", how did the stupid people get stupid?
Answer: They were spun more slowly in vitro, thus not getting enough oxygen.
Song: "Spinning My Mind Away" by the Merrymakers
HIDE THE CHILDREN AND KILL THE CHICKENS! IT'S THE EVENING'S FIRST HORRIBLE SONG QUARTET!
Realm: The March of Progress
Subrealm: Building a Better Tomorrow for Slowly-Spun Stupid People
Question: This wonder of modern technology features a No-Slip Grip, an Air Intake, and Surface Dynamics. What is it?
Answer: A Cheez-it.
Song: "Insane in the Brain" by Richard Cheese
Realm: DC Comics, the Bible, and Toys R Us
Subrealm: Three Great Tastes That Taste Great Together
Question: What do Superman, Moses, and Cabbage Patch Dolls have in common?
Answer: They're adopted.
Song: "Dur Dur D'Etre Bebe" by Jordy
(THE HORRIBLE SONG QUARTET CONTINUES....)
Realm: Erin Moran
Subrealm: Yeah, Right
Question: What product has Nokia been best-known for, historically?
Answer: Rubber boots.
Song: "These Boots Are Made for Walking" by Mrs. Miller
Realm: Notable Throats
Subrealm: Our Favorite Singing Quindecatet
Question: What do the following singers have in common: Donna Summer, Johnny Cash, Lesley Gore, Amy Grant, Ben E. King, Gladys Knight, Major Lance, Patti Page, Lloyd Price, Keith Sweat, Stevie Wonder, James Brown, Michelle Branch, Sheryl Crow, and Ja Rule?
Answer: Their last names are verbs.
Song: "I Want My Baby Back" by Jimmy Cross
TELL YOUR FRIEND TO STOP PUKING, AND TAKE OUT YOUR EARPLUGS. THE FIRST HORRIBLE SONG QUARTET HAS ENDED.
Subrealm: Ben Isecke is a GOLDEN GOD!
Question: What was the name of Stillwater's 1973 tour, in the movie "Almost Famous"? What was the name of their 1974 tour?
Answer: 1973 - "Almost Famous." 1974 - "No More Airplanes." (They nearly die in a plane crash during the '73 tour.)
Song: "Hit the Ground" by the Darling Buds
Realm: Covering the Crack in the Wall
Question: When we think of the great painters of the 20th century, we must include such luminaries as Picasso, deKooning, Pollock, Warhol, Coolidge. What? You've never heard of Cassius Marcellus Coolidge? Or his masterpiece, "A Friend in Need"? Sure you have. Please describe the subject of this timeless work of art.
Answer: Dogs playing poker.
Song: "Ace of Spades" by Motorhead
Realm: Mideast Literature
Subrealm: The Mother of All Trivia Questions
Question: There is a copy of the Koran at the "Mother of all Battles" mosque in Baghdad. What is unique about this particular holy book?
Answer: It is written in Saddam Hussein's blood.
Song: "My Heart is an Open Book" by Carl Dobkins Jr.
Realm: Unadulterated Mayhem for a Good Cause
Subrealm: Hello, Dad, You're in Jail
Question: In 1995, Marjory Lavery's father was convicted in Ohio of child abuse. But to be fair to Mr. Lavery, there are two sides to every story. For what reason did Marjory's father beat her?
Answer: Because she finished 2nd in the National Spelling Bee.
Song: "Teach Your Children" by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
Realm: Former Rock Legends Who Now Look Like Old Women
Subrealm: Paul McCartney
Question: Paul McCartney's versatile career includes playing the tambourine for Donovan on "Mellow Yellow" and providing the kazoo solo for Ringo Starr's "You're 16." What instrument did McCartney play in his guest appearance on the Super Furry Animals song "Receptacle for the Respectable"?
Answer: The carrot. (Accept: celery)
Song: "What's Up Doc" by the Fu-Schnickens
Realm: More Paul McCartney Trivia
Subrealm: Yoko Reminds Us That Technically, It's "Lennon-McCartney" Trivia
Question: "Yesterday" is considered to be one of the greatest songs of the 20th century. We suspect this would not be the case had Paul McCartney not rewritten his original working lyrics. In McCartney's first draft, what was the opening line of the song?
Answer: "Scrambled eggs, oh my baby how I love your legs."
Song: "Lay Lady Lay" by Bob Dylan
Realm: McCartney-Free Music Trivia
Subrealm: Yoko Reminds Us That Technically, Wings Smelled
Question: The neo-classical group the Planets was the subject of the greatest lawsuit in music history. They recently settled out of court over one of their tracks, called "A One Minute Silence." Who was the plantiff who sued them, and what was the complaint?
Answer: The estate of John Cage claimed copyright infringement. (The Planets "song" is blank.)
Song: "Shaddap You Face" by Joe Dolce
Subrealm: Real Miscellaneous
Question: "Uk" and "ak" were the shortest. "Shif-shaf-shabamp-mamp-shompah-dompah-dimpah-mimpah-fomp-da-bomp-gadiff-gadiff-gadaff-gadaff-gasmitch-gasmatch-kaboff-fapadda-dapadda-swipadda-dipadda-fap-spmap-gamop" was the longest. What are these things?
Answer: Don Martin sound effects in MAD Magazine.
Song: "Zabadak" by Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich(OPERATORS: Be kind on the artist.)
Subrealm: Wooly Bullies
Question: Genetic researchers have finally found a long-sought sheep gene: "callipyge" (pron. cal-ah-PEEJ). What does this gene do, and what is the literal translation of "callipyge"?
Answer: Makes their rear ends extra big and muscular; "beautiful buttocks" in Greek.
Song: "Hello, Dolly" by Louis Armstrong
Realm: Help Wanted
Subrealm: Help Wanted Getting Rid of the Old Help
Question: Jesse Bogdonoff had what unusual job in what country? Why did he lose it?
Answer: He was the court jester of Tonga. He embezzled most of the country's money.
Song: "I Started a Joke" by the Bee Gees
Realm: The Latest "Star Wars" Movie
Subrealm: I've Got a Bad Feeling About This
Question: A gentleman named Mike Smith is listed towards the end of the credits for "Star Wars: Attack of the Clones." What was his title, and what did it entail?
Answer: He is credited as "Java the Hutt," because he was the guy who got everyone coffee.
Song: "Wake Up!" by the Boo Radleys
THE NEXT FOUR SONGS WILL COMPRISE JOANIE LOVES TROTSKY'S "PRE-1950 QUARTET." EVERY SONG IS GUARANTEED TO HAVE BEEN RECORDED BEFORE ANYBODY ON THE TEAM WAS BORN. EVEN DES.
Realm: The Word of the Lord
Subrealm: And the Word is "Buh-Bye"
Question: According to the Bible, what wiped out one quarter of the world's population in a single day?
Song: "Beware, Brother, Beware" by Louis Jordan
Realm: Immense TV Behemoths
Subrealm: Besides Anna Nicole Smith
Question: What commonplace activity is the Jolly Green Giant never shown doing?
Answer: Walking. (He looked like a giant monster walking.)
Song: How Ya Gonna Keep 'Em Down on the Farm?" by Nora Bayes
Realm: Delayed Gratification
Subrealm: Very Delayed
Question: James Carter had a tough life. When he was young, he spent some time on a chain gang in Alabama. He later moved north to Chicago, and tried to eke out a living. Decades later, a man showed up on his doorstep with a check for $20,000 and a promise of much more. What had Mr. Carter done to earn this unexpected windfall?A: While on that chain gang, he sang "Po Lazarus." The recording was used on the "O Brother Where Art Thou?" soundtrack.
Song: "Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?" by Bing Crosby
Subrealm: Speedy Actresses
Question: It took Dame Judi Dench a full 8 minutes to do it, but Beatrice Straight managed it in just 6 minutes. What?
Answer: Winning a Best Supporting Actress Oscar. (That's the amount of time they were onscreen in "Shakespeare in Love" (Dench) and "Network" (Straight).)
Song: "Nice Work If You Can Get It" by Fred Astaire
THE PRE-1950 SONG QUARTET IS NOW A SWEET, SWEET MEMORY.
Realm: It's Hard To Be a Baby
Subrealm: This Question Was Typed By a 6-Year-Old
Question: According to the 1949 child labor law, kids under 13 can only do five kinds of work, aside from working in a family business. What 5 jobs?
Answer: Acting, babysitting, certain kinds of farming, delivering newspapers, and making Christmas wreaths at home.
Song: "Gonna Make You Sweat" by C&C Music Factory
Realm: The Stupid Channel
Subrealm: Must Not See TV
Question: Five times in the last 6 TV seasons, Fox has announced and promoted a new series, then changed its mind and killed the show before ever airing one episode. Since you've never actually SEEN any of these shows, we'll be nice and just ask you to name one of them.
Answer: 2002-- The Grubbs; 2000-- Schimmel; 1999-- Manchester Prep; 1998-- Hollyweird; 1997-- Rewind.
Song: "Fox on the Run" by the Sweet
Realm: Royal Refugees
Subrealm: L'etat, C'est Gettin' Le Fuque Outta Here
Question: When the French Revolution came a-knockin', King Louis XVI went a-runnin'. However, Louis was captured after he rented a room at an inn, despite using a false name. What was his one mistake?
Answer: He paid for the room with a coin that had his picture on it.
Song: "Checkin' In, Checkin' Out" by the High Llamas
Realm: You Can't Live Without Your Radio
Subrealm: You Certainly Can't Be Hearing Us NowQ : What do the initials of LL Cool J's name stand for?A : "Ladies Love Cool James."
Song: "Laid" by James
Realm: Ups and Downs
Subrealm: Lots of Downs
Question: Larry Ball and Maulty Moore had a great 1972, but a crummy 1976. What did they do?
Answer: They were both on the '72 Miami Dolphins (who went 17-0), and on the '76 Tampa Bay Buccaneers (who went 0-14). These are commonly considered the best and worst teams in NFL history.
Song: "When You're Hot, You're Hot" by Jerry Reed
Subrealm: License to Steal
Question: In the Bond flick "Moonraker", Our Hero James gains access to a restricted laboratory by watching a henchman enter the secret code onto a musical numeric pad. What's interesting about the code?
Answer: The 5 tones entered are the same as those played by the aliens in Close Encountersof the Third Kind.
Song: "Movies" by Alien Ant Farm
Realm: Fat Smelly Pigs in the Movies
Subrealm: What? Were We Supposed to Insult Somebody Here?Q : What is the secret password used by Babe the pig to control sheep, during the sheep dog competition?A : "Bah-nah-roo."
Song: "Oh Babe, What Would You Say?" by Hurricane Smith
Realm: Clinically Depressed Cartoon Characters
Subrealm: MTV: Beating That One Joke Until It's Dust
Question: According to Daria, why did Stalin change his name?
Answer: So it would fit on his luggage tags.
Song: "Carry On My Wayward Son" by Kansas
Realm: Comic Books
Question: Who has the longest streak of both writing AND drawing consecutive issues of a comic book title? Which comic? Who's second? Which comic?
Answer: 1st-- Dave Sim, "Cerebus"; 2nd-- Erik Larsen, "Savage Dragon."
Song: "That's Your Way" by the Aardvarks
Realm: There Are No Small Parts
Subrealm: Remember, The Camera Adds 10 Pounds
Question: The 1971 gay porno classic "The Boys in the Sand" holds not one, not two, not 38, but THREE important distinctions in the history of happy slappy sex films. **THIS IS A THREE-POINT PLAY!** Name two of the X-rated masterpiece's historic distinctions for the first point, or give us all three for 2 points.
Answer: 1. First porn film to bill its director and actors; 2. First porn film to use a parody title based on a mainstream Hollywood film; 3. Only porn film reviewed in The New York Times.
Song: "Man Size Love" by Klymaxx
Realm: Ooo! Ooo! Ooo!
Subrealm: Trivia That Makes You Want to Fling Poo
Question: Many of you remember Marcel the monkey from "Friends." Katie the capuchin also played the monkey carrying a killer virus in "Outbreak." But all this was mere warmup for her greatest role. What was it?
Answer: The Anaheim Angels' "Rally Monkey."
Song: "Jump Around" by House of Pain
THE PREVIOUS SONG WAS "HOUSE OF PAIN." YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW ABOUT A HOUSE OF PAIN? YOU'RE LIVING IN ONE NOW, BABY! BRACE YOURSELF FOR THE EVENING'S SECOND HORRIBLE SONG QUARTET!
Realm: Presidential Mayhem
Subrealm: Oh My God, They Killed Abe!
Question: On "South Park," David Blaine uses his magic to bring the Lincoln Memorial to life. Jesus and the Super Best Friends (Buddha, Lao-Tzu, Krishna, etc.) use their super-computer to analyze the situation. What is the only way to stop a rampaging giant stone Lincoln?
Answer: A giant stone John Wilkes Booth.
Song: "History Repeats Itself" by Buddy Starcher
Realm: What Would a Horrible Song Quartet Be Without More Nokia Trivia?
Subrealm: Thank God We Never Have to Find Out
Question: Nokia executive Anssi Vanjoki received a record-breaking traffic ticket for well over $100,000. Why?A: In Norway, the fine is pegged to two weeks' salary.
Song: "7 Little Girls in the Backseat" by Paul Evans
THE HORRIBLE SONG QUARTET CONTINUES....
Realm: Small Young Boys and Their Hot, Succulent Delights
Subrealm: I Wish To State That I Did Not Write The Above Realm
Question: In "A Mr. Magoo Christmas Carol," what is Tiny Tim's very most favorite part of the Christmas meal?
Answer: Razzleberry dressing.
Song: "Delicious!" by Jim Backus
Realm: "The Princess Bride"
Subrealm: Tomorrow, You'll Be Mostly Dead All Day
Question: What is Prince Humperdink supposed to do after losing his challenge to the pain? Please quote exactly.
Answer: "Wallow in freakish misery forever."
Song: "I'm Sad The Goat Just Died Today" by the Frogs
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE MANAGED NOT TO PLUNGED BIC PENS INTO YOUR OWN BLOODY EARDRUMS, THE NEWS IS GOOD. THAT WAS THE 4th AND FINAL SONG OF THE SECOND HORRIBLE SONG QUARTET.
Realm: Almost Mr. Dead
Subrealm: A Horse is a Corpse, Of Course, Of Course
Question: Racehorse Magic Weisner had a brush with fame when he finished second in the 2002 Preakness. However, he made the news again last summer when it was revealed he had become the most famous athlete to test positive for this. For what did he test positive?
Answer: The West Nile virus (he's recovering).
Song: "Hey There Little Insect" by Jonathan Richman
Realm: Yes, More Horseracing Trivia
Subrealm: The Person You'll Be Wanting to Beat Up at Baxter is Steve Homer
Question: Before the 2002 Belmont, a "horse psychic" did a reading on the eventual longshot winner Sarava. The horse "told" her he felt confident about his chances. The same psychic requested the opportunity to do a reading on favored War Emblem, but was rebuffed by trainer Bob Baffert. What stated reason did Baffert give for not allowing the reading?A. "He curses too much".
Song: "Talk Dirty to Me" by Poison
Realm: I Bark, You Bark
Subrealm: We All Bark for Ice Cream
Question: What are those yummy frozen faux-ice cream treats for dogs called?
Answer: Frosty Paws
Song: "Frosty the Snowman" by the Beach Boys
Realm: (sing:) Money, Money, Money, Mon-ey....
Subrealm: (sing:) MON-EY!
Question: Bill Gates just isn't all that interesting. That's probably why Forbes Magazine came up with its list of the 15 richest fictional characters. People like Jay Gatsby, Auric Goldfinger, and Cruella De Ville are loaded, yeah, but they couldn't quite crack the top spots. That's because seven others have personal fortunes over $6 billion. Oh, joy! ***THIS IS A THREE-POINT PLAY!*** For one point, name any 3 of the 7 richest fictional characters. For 2 points, name any 5.
Answer: 7th-- Bruce Wayne; 6th-- Willie Wonka; 5th-- Thurston Howell III; 4th-- Scrooge McDuck; 3rd-- Daddy Warbucks; 2nd-- Richie Rich; 1st-- Santa Claus.
Song: "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" by Good Charlotte
Realm: Athletes of Our Time
Subrealm: Our Time Sucks
Question: Pete Lovering said the key to his winning the international championship in Toronto last November was "maintaining a clear mind before each throw." In what all-world event did Mr. Lovering reign supreme?
Answer: Rock, Paper, Scissors.
Song: "I Wanna Rock" by Twisted Sister
Realm: You Want to Know the Rule?
Subrealm: You Can't Handle the Rule!
Question: The U.S. Army has a 3 mph speed limit for what?
Song: "The Stroll" by the Diamonds
Realm: Popes in the News
Subrealm: Go, Pope, Go!
Question: In 2000, Pope John Paul II was made an honorary member of this club, in honor of their 75th anniversary. What club?
Answer: The Harlem Globetrotters.
Song: "The Globe" by Big Audio Dynamite
Realm: Fine Cuisine for Yellow People with 8 Fingers
Question: What two foodstuffs does Homer Simpson sometimes add to his coffee?
Answer: Butter, and Shake n' Bake.
Song: "Heart Attack" by Olivia Newton-John
Realm: Great Literature
Subrealm: With Owls
Question: What name was written over Winnie-the-Pooh's door?
Song: "Let the Good Times Roll" by the Pooh Sticks
Realm: World Series Without Them Stupid Internet Fan Polls
Subrealm: Back in My Day, They Woulda Trampled That Little Kid at Home Plate
Question: Overall, who was the best pitcher of the 1908 World Series?
Answer: Orval Overall.
Song: "All Over the World" by Electric Light Orchestra
Realm: Neutered Vampire Trivia
Subrealm: Vampire Trivia That Bit
Question: During the last contest, Neutered Vampires asked us participants to name the one character in "Calvin and Hobbes" with a last name. Their answer was "Susie Derkins." But Susie ISN'T the only character with a last name. There are four others. Give the professions of these four characters. For two points, you can also provide their names. That makes this puppy **A THREE-POINT PLAY!**
Answer: (Miss Wormwood) -- homeroom teacher; (Mr. Spittle) -- the school Principal; (Mr. Lockjaw) -- the gym teacher; (Mr. Kneecapper) -- a substitute teacher.
Song: "Comic Strip" by Serge Gainsbourg
Realm: Hooray for Hollywood
Subrealm: Leading Men
Question: The top two grossing films of 2001 both featured a lead character who share an unusual characteristic. What?
Answer: Green skin (Shrek; the Grinch).
Song: "Beauty's Only Skin Deep" by the Temptations
Realm: Two-Minute Warning
Subrealm: With a Worm
Question: We begin this question by warning you that the next song is the shortest of the night. So dial fast. Now, the trivia. In the video game "Earthworm Jim," Jim has a red gun. But what is the most unusual feature about Jim's red gun?
Answer: It's green.
Song: "Out of the Red" by the Goo Goo Dolls
Realm: Classic Literature
Subrealm: Don't Tell Me Who Dyes, I Haven't Read It Yet
Question: In the book "Anne of Green Gables", what happens when Anne tries to dye her red hair a darker color?
Answer: It turns green.
Song: "A Deeper Shade of Soul" by Urban Dance Squad
Realm: "Late Night with Conan O'Brien"
Subrealm: Rubbery Abuse
Question: Triumph the Insult Comic Dog did a special remote from opening day of "Star Wars Episode Two." He even entertained the fans who'd been camped outside the theater for days with a special "Star Wars" trivia quiz. According to Triumph, WHAT is the name of the substance that Han Solo was frozen in, by Jabba the Hutt?
Answer: "The correct answer is, 'Who gives a shit?' " (*But don't say the word "shit" on the air, shithead!)
Song: "Super Geek" by the Greenberry Woods
Question: The 3 top home run hitters in baseball history whose last names are colors are all active today. Name them.
Answer: 1. Tim Salmon; 2. Shawn Green; 3. Devon White (all 200+)
Song: "Power" by Rainbow
THIS CONCLUDES THE UNANNOUNCED MYSTERY ALL-GREEN QUINTET, WHICH BEGAN WITH THE GREEN SKIN OF SHREK AND THE GRINCH, CONTINUED WITH EARTHWORM JIM'S GREEN GUN, PROCEEDED TO ANNE'S GREEN HAIR, PAUSED FOR A SONG BY THE GREENBERRY WOODS, AND ENDED WITH SHAWN GREEN. YOU HAVE JUST BEEN ENTERTAINED WITHOUT ACTUALLY REALIZING IT, WHICH IS THE VERY DEEPEST ENTERTAINMENT OF THEM ALL.
Realm: Comic Strips
Subrealm: Comic Strips Drawn with an Etch-A-Sketch
Question: Who is the proofreader in "Dilbert"?
Answer: Anne L. Retentive.
Song: "Tighten Up" by Archie Bell & the Drells
Realm: Death to Flying Things
Subrealm: Bye Bye Birdie
Question: What was the most notable bird death to occur on March 30, 1999? What was the most notable bird death to occur on March 24, 2001?
Answer: 1999-- Fabio was hit in the face by a goose that flew across his path while Fabio was taking the first ride on a rollercoaster.2001-- Randy Johnson accidentally exploded a bird that flew across the infield just as he'd released his fastball.
Song: "Love Rollercoaster" by the Ohio Players
Subrealm: Glorious Food
Question: Potato soup, followed by a fish pate, and topped off with roast quail. What is it?
Answer: My Dinner with Andre.
Song: "Waiter! Bring Me Water!" by Shania Twain
Realm: The Handycam
Subrealm: The Handycam Can
Question: The 1996 Sony Nightshot Handycam digital camera worked great. So why was it taken off of the market?
Answer: Its infrared setting allowed it to see through clothing.
Song: "The Real Me" by the Who
Realm: The X's are the Offense, the O's are the Defense
Subrealm: And the Y's are the Brass Section
Question: In 1982, there was the great USC-Stanford college football game ending with five laterals and a Stanford band member getting run over in the end zone. 20 years later, how has this band member capitalized on his, er, fame?
Answer: He sells a microbrew called "Trombone Guy Pale Ale."
Song: "Me So Horny" by 2 Live Crew
Subrealm: Columnists Who Used Up Their Bag of Tricks By 1993Q : While Americans are notorious for not being able to carry a tune, Dave Barry noticed that we all seem to be able to do at least one thing on key. What is it?A : Chant "Airball" (in the key of F).
Song: "Brick" by the Ben Folds 5
Realm: Big Movie Dongs
Subrealm: Besides "The Boys in the Sand"Q : Answer the following question: "Dong, where is my automobile?"A : "Automobile?!?! *VRRRRRRMMMM* *screeeeeech* *(other car crash noises)* Lake ... very big lake!!" (OPERATORS: Any rough approximation of the above "16 Candles" quote should be accepted.)
Song: "Molly" by Sponge
Realm: Psychotic Racist Sociopaths
Subrealm: And All-Time American Idols
Question: Ty Cobb had one of his baseball records broken in 2000, but got it right back in 2001. Considering the guy's been somewhat dead for forty years, how did Ty Cobb accomplish this?
Answer: Atlanta shortstop Rafael Furcal broke Cobb's record for most stolen bases by a teenager. However, it turned out that Furcal had lied about his age, and was really 22 at the time.
Song: "My Back Pages" by the Byrds
ANYONE WHO'S AWAKE FOR QUESTION #70 MUST BE A TRIVIA HARDCORE, AND THEREFORE A GLUTTON FOR PUNISHMENT. AND SO, LET'S UP THE ANTE. WE BEGIN THE THIRD HORRIBLE SONG QUARTET!
Realm: Infested Credits
Subrealm: Hey, Just Spell My Name Right
Question: What actor, in what movie, received his on-screen credit in the form of squirming maggots?
Answer: John Lithgow; "Shrek."
Song: "Roaches" by Jack Larson
Realm: Two Ephs Are Better Than One
Subrealm: Though Zero is the Norm
Question: Ethan Brooks and Sean Keenan are the only pair of Williams alumni to have done this together, at the same time. What did they do?
Answer: They played on the same NFL team together (the 2001 Arizona Cardinals).
Song: "Happy Together" by Mel Torme
THE HORRIBLE SONG QUARTET CONTINUES.....
Realm: Guys With the Same Job For a Long Time
Subrealm: I Just Spent My Entire Life on a Friggin' Aardvark?
Question: By Cerebus' decree, there are four months, each lasting in the vicinity of 92 days. What are their names?
Answer: Winter, Spring, Summer, and Steve.
Song: "Autumn of My Life" by Bobby Goldsboro
Realm: Kill Kill Kill Kill Kill Kill Kill
Subrealm: With a Smile
Question: Stuff Magazine polled members of the United States military about where the U.S. should launch its next invasion after Afghanistan. What were the #1 and
Answer: #1 - Iraq; #2 - California.
Song: "Bomb Iran" by Vince Vance & the Valiants
THE BOMBING IS OVER. THE NIGHTMARE IS OVER. THE THIRD HORRIBLE SONG QUARTET IS OVER. AND WE KNOW YOU'RE STARING AT THAT CLOCK ON THE WALL AND WONDERING.... COULD THERE BE A #4? (EVIL LAUGH)
Realm: Movie Awards
Subrealm: And the Winner/Loser Is....
Question: The Razzies have long been the anti-Oscars of the film industry, dishonoring the worst movies and stars of the year. Who are the only two Razzie winners to actually show up at the ceremony to collect their awards in person?
Answer: Paul Verhoeven, Worst Director of 1995 for "Showgirls"; Tom Green, who won 4 Razzies in 2001 for "Freddy Got Fingered."
Song: "Come and Get It" by Badfinger
Realm: It's Not Billy Idol's "White Wedding"
Subrealm: It Ain't "Going to the Chapel," Either
Question: What is the only song written for a wedding to become a major pop music hit? For an extra point, name whose wedding this song debuted at. That's right.... **THIS IS A THREE-POINT PLAY!**
Answer: "Dancing Queen," by ABBA. They wrote it for the wedding reception of the King of Sweden.
Song: "Rice is Nice" by the Lemon Pipers
Realm: Making the World a Better Place
Subrealm: Or Else
Question: In 1938, the Nobel Peace Prize was awarded to the Nansen International Office for Refugees. By all accounts, the group was a compromise winner chosen only because the judges could not decide between their true top 2 candidates. Which two peacemakers cancelled each other out for the award?
Answer: Mahatma Gandhi, and Adolf Hitler.
Song: "Everybody Gets What They Deserve" by the Churchills
Realm: Modern Philosophers
Question: According to Wayne Campbell, what should you do if you see a woman who is so pretty that it makes you want to hurl, and why?
Answer: "Hurl. If you spew, and she comes back, she's yours. But if you blow chunks andshe bolts, it was never meant to be, man."
Song: "Let It Loose" by the Rolling Stones
Realm: Question 78
Question: What is unusual about the following articles from MAD Magazine: "Santa Claus, Porn Star"; "When Goats Go Bad"; "What if Cap'n Crunch Was Brought Before a Military Tribunal?"; "If the Amish Used Zombies to Do Their Chores"; "The MAD Urinary Tract Infection Primer"; "Dick Cheney Electrocardiograms We'd Like to See"; "If Bobby Knight Coached the Special Olympics"; "Only the Assistant Undersecretary of Transportation Would Possibly Believe..."; and "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions During the Bombing of Belgrade"?
Answer: They do not exist. For several years, MAD's Table of Contents has listed one fake article per issue.
Song: "Fake Headlines" by the New Pornographers
Realm: Never-Ending Entertainment
Subrealm: Without Aardvarks
Question: What is the longest running television show still on the air?
Answer: Meet the Press, which began running on November 20, 1947, making it 55 years old. (It began as a radio show in 1945, but moved to television in '47.)
Song: "Don't Worry About the Gov't" by Talking Heads
Realm: Great Literature
Subrealm: And Popcorn
Question: The main character of what book got his or her name from a movie theater marquee showing 1947's "Dear Ruth"?
Answer: "The Catcher in the Rye." (J.D. Salinger took special note of the film, which costarred William Holden and Joan Caulfield.)
Song: "Dandy" by Herman's Hermits
Subrealm: Pope John Paul II Was Not Involved
Question: Kobe Bryant sat out just 27 seconds of the 2002 Western Conference Finals between the Lakers and the Kings. Why'd he miss even that much court time?
Answer: He lost the string from his shorts.
Song: "Pants" by Randy Newman
Realm: Williams Trivia History
Subrealm: But Not Ancient History
Question: What was the second question we asked you in tonight's contest?
Answer: "On 'Dawson's Creek,' what did Joey ask Dawson to do for her? (A: Write a recommendation to Williams.)"
Song: "Hate to Say I Told You So" by the Hives
Realm: Our Fearless Leader
Subrealm: A Little Too Fearless
Question: How and why did Ephraim Williams die?
Answer: Going to the battle of Lake George, he and his troops were ambushed by the French and all slaughtered, because he didn't send out a scout first. (That's right-- he lost a fight to the French.)
Song: "Purple Hills" by D12
Realm: The Nine Planets
Subrealm: But We Prefer Seven
Question: As we all know, New England is a hotbed of learning and knowledge. So it should come as no surprise to learn that the world's largest planetarium dome is located in New England. Where, exactly, is it?A. At the Mohegan Sun Casino (Connecticut).
Song: "Indian Reservation" by the Raiders
Realm: To Be Or Not To Be
Subrealm: That Is The Fashion Statement
Question: Five of Shakespeare's heroines disguised themselves as men. Name them.
Answer: Imogen, Julia, Portia, Rosalind, and Viola.
Song: "Sucked Out" by Superdrag
Realm: Rules and Regulations
Subrealm: Getting Government Off Our BacksQ : In May of 2002, the Lithuanian government ended discrimination against women who were trying to get a driver's licence. What additional test for women only was dropped?A : A pelvic exam.
Song: "Dream Girl" by the Probe
Realm: Meet Question 87
Subrealm: In a Contest Without Answers, Question 87 Must Stand and Fight
Question: Every one of you has spent many hours in the dark with both Don LaFontaine and Ashton Smith. Explain youselves, you filthy sluts.
Answer: They're the 2 main guys who narrate movie trailers.
Song: "Talking in the Dark" by Elvis Costello and the Attractions
Subrealm: "For Children Who Know How to Look"
Question: As of May 2002, Heidi Koenig became the sole remaining employee of what world famous US ratings organization?
Answer: The Comics Code Authority.
Song: "Super Heroes" by Barry Bostwick & Susan Sarandon (from Rocky Horror Picture Show)
Realm: Seasonal Fun
Subrealm: Other Than the Steve Solstice
Question: What is a traditional way to welcome the spring equinox in Annapolis, Maryland?
Answer: Sock burning.
Song: "Get on the Good Foot" by James Brown
Realm: Around the Globe
Subrealm: A People Who Know What They Like
Question: What country has had the same flag for the longest time?
Song: "Don't Rush Me" by Taylor Dayne
Realm: Junk Food
Subrealm: De-snack-itationQ : In the Hitchhiker's Guide, there was an animal that *wanted* you to eat it. Weird as that may seem, this year an American company began advertising what food as "the wholesome snack that smiles back until you bite their heads off?"A : Pepperidge Farm goldfish.
Song: "Fish Heads" by Barnes & Barnes
Realm: "Saturday Night Live"
Subrealm: You'll Tune In for the Penis Jokes, But You'll Stay for the Other Penis JokesQ : On SNL's "Celebrity Jeopardy", what category always appears on the show?A : Potent Potables.
Song: "Wine Wine Wine" by Bobby Fuller 4
Realm: Reading is Fundamental
Subrealm: But We'd Settle for MentalQ : What book did George W. Bush list as his childhood favorite, and why did it prove that he might be a little slow on the uptake?A : "The Very Hungry Caterpillar", by Eric Carle. It was first published when he was in college.
Song: "Hey Stoopid" by Alice Cooper
Realm: Perfect Strangers
Subrealm: Are Those Your Articles of Surrender, Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?
Question: Edith Shain and Carl Muscarello. For the LIFE of me, I can't remember where I've seen those two before. Can you help me?
Answer: They are the nurse and sailor kissing in Times Square on V-J Day in the famous 1945 Life Magazine photo.
Song: "Kiss Me Sailor" by Diane Renay
Realm: Putting the Class Into the Class Structure
Subrealm: Not Nyet
Question: How do two cultured Russian gentlemen start a duel?
Answer: They flip a coin to see who gets to shoot first.
Song: "Hey Man, Nice Shot" by Filter
Realm: Neither Comedy
Subrealm: Nor Central
Question: Complete the "Daily Show" slogan: "When news breaks...."
Answer: "....we fix it."
Song: "Gold" by John Stewart
Realm: Famous Athletes Who Had Reconstructive Procedures Named After Them
Subrealm: Gee, Let Us Think....
Question: Yankee pitcher and surgery namesake Tommy John made 4 errors during the 1988 season. What was unusual about 3 of them?
Answer: They came on a single play.(John fumbled an infield hit, turned and threw the ball into right field, then took the cutoff throw home and threw it over the catcher's head. He's the only player of the 20th century to get 3 errors on 1 play.)
Song: "Oops, I Did It Again" by Britney Spears
Realm: I Pledge Allegiance to the Frat
Subrealm: Your Name Here
Question: In "Animal House," the class year of the members of Delta House was written next toeach member's name on the blackboard of the student court. In what class year did "Bluto" Blutarsky belong?
Answer: Bluto was a member of the classes of 1960, 1961, 1962, and 1963.
Song: "Linger" by the Cranberries
Realm: Our Perennial Inspiration, Our Pacific Jewel, Our Guiding Star
Question: As all good cybersurfers know, the kingdom of Tonga makes good money by selling websites. In fact, "www.trivia.to" was snapped up the very first day by Trivia's own Jon Young. Recently, we tried to sign up the domain name "www.anal_violator.to." What autoresponse did we get?
Answer: "You filthy-minded little pervert!"(The message continues: "The Kingdom of Tonga admonishes you. Now go back and think of another name that you wouldn't be embarrassed to say to your mother.")
Song: "Dirrty" by Christina Aguilera
Realm: Weird Odors
Subrealm: You've Probably Got a Few Of Your Own, After 8 Hours
Question: According to only a few witnesses, what smells a little like exploded fireworks?
Answer: The moon.
Song: "Up There" by Satan
Realm: No Fighting Allowed
Subrealm: But Sticking Your Tongue Out is Okay
Question: What was considered neutral territory by both the North and the South during the Civil War?
Answer: Mount Vernon.
Song: "Camel Walk" by Southern Culture on the Skids
Realm: The Voice of the True Fans
Subrealm: So Irritating
Question: Upon hearing that the WB's "Roswell" was going to be cancelled after its first season, fans of the show did this and got a second season. Did what?
Answer: They sent in Tabasco bottles.
Song: "Throw Away Your Television" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers
Realm: The Land of 1,000 Unfunny Catch Phrases
Subrealm: Bristol, Connecticut
Question: In a "Sportscenter" ad from 1999, the studio runs a Y2K drill, which goes predictably awry. The final shot showed a war-painted Charley Steiner, shouting what?
Answer: "Follow me! Follow me to freedom!"
Song: "Who Will Answer?" by Ed Ames#LAST-- This question is to be read last, whichever number that happens to be.
Realm: Buntning Trivia
Subrealm: Have You Buntned Lately?
Question: Who was Abe the Buntner?
Answer: A local Williamstown person from the turn of the century, who was known for the ability to use his head as a hammer.
Song: "The Anvil Chorus" by Verdi
(NOTE: The above question became the 104th and last asked in the Joanie Loves Trotsky contest.)
Realm: Mexican Horseracing Trivia
Subrealm: We Could've Done a Whole Super Bonus, But We Settled for Question 104
Question: The old Tijuana racetrack in Mexico was indirectly destroyed by a rainstorm. What was the more direct cause of this destruction?
Answer: Years' worth of horse manure was piled up behind the track, and the rains caused the pile to rise up and wipe out the grandstand in a moving mountain of manure. (OPERATORS: Accept anything even remotely close to this.)
Song: "Cow Patty" by Jim Stafford
Question: When printing a document on a Mac, a little preview shows up with a "dog cow" on it. What is the dog cow's name?A : Clarus.
Song: "Clair" by Gilbert O'Sullivan
Realm: Trivia About The Interior Department Assistant Secretary for Water and Science
Subrealm: Wait! Come Back!
Question: According to The Washington Post, both Interior Deparment aide Sue Ellen Wooldridge and Interior Department Assistant Secretary for Water and Science Bennett William Raley had experiences during their youths that prepared them for Washington life. What did they do?
Answer: They castrated lambs. (Wooldridge claims that she used her teeth at times, which was much more effective than the shears she was given.)
Song: "Dirty Deeds (Done to Sheep)" by Bob Rivers