My Dad

My dad was in the navy. He still has a sword from it. Does your dad sail a yacht? How would he feel about a huge ass destroyer with loads of missiles? I would guess that he would feel terrible.

Oh yeah? Well my dad played pro basketball in Greece and was on the team that won the European Championship. He's 6 feet, 8 inches tall and can still dunk with with ease. Does your dad have mad hops? How would he feel about a little 1 on 1? I would guess that he would feel terrible.

So? My dad was an army artillery officer. He also has a black belt (3rd dan) in tae kwon do. Does your dad want my dad to kick his ass? How would he feel about sparring? I would guess that he would feel terrible.

Oh, really? Yeah, well, my dad used to fly a stunt helicopter in movies. Did your dad see that movie, "Apocalypse Down?" Is it true that your dad can't make his riding lawnmower work? How would your dad feel about my dad showing him how to mow the lawn - with a helicopter? I would guess that he would feel terrible.

Ya? Well my dad was in the Coast Guard. He was a tableman, which is super hard core Coast Guard talk for a waiter. His boat released weather balloons in the north atlantic. Could your dad wipe an officer's butt? How would your dad feel if he was waiting for his food and he found my dad's pubes in it? I would guess that he would feel terrible.

Is that so? Well my dad used to be a bounty hunter. He tracked down hardened criminals like a great white shark following a trail of blood in the ocean. Could your dad lay the smack down on a mafia leader? How would your dad feel about my dad subjecting him to a full cavity search? I would guess that he would feel terrible.

I would like to counter by asserting that my father was and is one of the world's most accomplished sophists. His rhetorical skills are at their best when employed in a totally cynical matter, and when they are so employed they are truly devastating. His insincerity and histrionics are the non pareil. So how would your dad feel about having the weaker argument come to appear the stronger, and thereby finding himself unexpectedly overthrown from a seemingly secure rhetorical position? I can only imagine that he would feel terrible.

Let the games begin...