"A natural consequence of the doldrums of psych lab reports is an unusual propensity to spit out slightly unhinged prophetic speeches." - Byrone
"Aged 12 years... just the way I like it!" - Byrone, after drinking "The de la G-man"'s Scotch whiskey
"Ahh, optimism, the alcohol of optimists." - Byrone
"Anal premeds are among the dumbest eukaryotic organisms alive, possessing intellectual capacities equal to or below hermit crabs, kumquats, seaweed, and lobotomized chimpanzees. I realize that this statement is fairly obvious. The dumbass questions I'm getting via email about tomorrow's lab, however, make me obligated to reiterate this to everyone." - Byrone
"Don't we all love frosh meat?" - Byrone
"Fruit flies don't realize how good they have it...just think about it. You're put in a jar with a shitload of food, and all you have to do is get high on carbon dioxide once in a while and get a tan under a microscope...then they give you ten women and expect you to have a massive nonstop orgy with all of them...and when you do get them pregnant, you don't have to deal with your kids, because it's time to die...and what a death...basking in a giant tub of alcohol surrounded by thousands of really really drunk female flies." - Byrone
"I condone the explicit practice of big pimpin'. However, I cannot say the same about spendin' g's..." - Byrone
"I could be the Asian Kevin Smith" - Byrone
"I dreamt I was sitting around in a hotel suite, looking through the minibar, when I pulled out a small bottle of Absolut Vodka. There were fish swimming in the middle of the bottle! Real, live angelfish and mackerel. Trippy, eh? Even my dream self couldn't believe it, and I thought to myself, "Fish can't live in ethanol!" But they were, right in the middle of that Absolut Aquarium. I said, a la Chris Rock, "What's wrong wit' you bitches?", shrugged, and woke up. I think I ought to lay off the Penguin caffeinated mints for a while. Oh yeah, Absolut vodka, too." - Byrone
"I wish I could be like James "Llama Butt-sex" Joyce, and write schizophrenic drivel that everyone will consider as the meaning of life packed into several hundred pages. Yes, I want to write a novel where I can say whatever I want, without giving a flying fuck about readability, and leave it up to academics to write books about how to read mine. Jimmy had it too good; if he was a UCSD student with a gas problem putting out the same work, all he'd get would be no publication, and a massive copying fee from Kinko's" - Byrone
"If my other courses are giving me hell, well, I can take comfort in the fact that PHYS 131 is easier than the last people to leave Brooks Late Night." - Byrone
"If this year has taught me anything, it is to despise everything that has the tendency to clump with similar objects to become one homogenous piece of shit. I extend my abhorrence to all forms of clumping, including course syllabi, lukewarm broccoli soup, freshmen, and ionic bonding. This in no way means I have anything against interaction; just extremely intimate interaction that dissolves identity. Take some perfectly good sodium and chlorine and BOOM, you have a homogenous and useless fucking lump of salt; the thing only melts and de-clumps at 900 FUCKING DEGREES. But take that motherfucker, add some heterogeneous lime and tequila, and the beauty of salt comes through like nothing before it. Go Teflon." - Byrone
"If you're going to put your dick in the [proverbial] mashed potatoes, wear a condom." - Byrone
"It's simple, really. I like saucy wenches." - Byrone
"Now, I do set aside for good old Siggy F, but I give him more credit for inventing the fundamental framework for postmodern English literary analysis rather than modern psychology." - Byrone
"On the other hand, the maudlin melancholia that has plagued me has been replaced by a shit-eating nonchalance." - Byrone
"She has no tits... she's like an 'A-' cup." - Byrone
"Shoutout of the moment: the crimson L. Jacobson" - Byrone
"So tell Ching that my sword is bigger than his... I am the Jamaican Asian" - Byrone
"Somehow I have this massive urge to produce a show called Stemmy Eye For the Metrosexual Guy. I suspect it'll involve Banana Republic snap-button shirts, and shuffling lessons." - Byrone
"There's more to a girl than boobs. You know, that other 5%" - Byrone
"What I consider the greatest potential danger within this country today is the lack of military tradition within our modern culture." - Byrone
"Why do so many females have an alarming propensity to put up away messages that say "I am (insert random sexual act) with my organic chemistry textbook in the library." Although I've seen many people hitting on inanimate objects, I cannot say I condone this sudden influx of librophilia. No matter what, "book" can never be a verb." - Byrone
"You can have your ethanol and cannabis...only that time-honored cocktail of endorphins and lactic acid will have me ambling around in circles hitting on female rowers." - Byrone
"You know it's bad when you see heavy snow, and you think 'outdoor bukkake'" - Byrone
"But he wasn’t ready to move on, because it felt so great to be wallowing in intense lovesick emotion, even heartbreak." - Byrone, Rain on Your Parade
"The refractory period was best defined as the unofficial rule stipulating that following the dissolution of a serious relationship, a person is entitled to spend a length of time equivalent to half the length of the relationship mourning, waxing neurotic, getting over it, and generally annoying the hell out of his or her friends." - Byrone, Rain on Your Parade
L: Are you a Mexi-CAN or a Mexi-CAN'T?
B: I'm Mexi-capable
"I bought Byrone a naginata, and it arrived today. It's pretty sweet, and has a sharpened blade. He says he's going to dip it in pineapple juice and go Commie-hunting" - Evade
"I have always thought my suitemate was a Mexican. After reading today's Daily Advisor, I became aware that he is in fact Asian. Apparently, he wasn't aware of it either. Thank you, Asian Awareness Month." - Cossack
"Just know that [Byrone] rolls the roll... walks the walk... he's a ride or die kid and we in LA know and respect this.....The CLICK "- Justin "Special K" Kastenbaum