Professors:
"If Africans would spend as much creativity and effort on legitimate commercial enterprises as they spend sending e-mails to we Americans begging for our bank-account numbers, they would soon be speeding toward impressive material prosperity." - Boudreaux
"Does that mean we have to leave? It doesn't sound very loud." - Green, on the fire alarm.
"Having sex and talking about sex are two very different things." - Green, on whether libel is a compulsory counterclaim to adultery
"Forum shopping is more than half of what this course is about!" - Green, on Civil Procedure
"I think it's pretty fair to say that Mickey Mouse lives in the United States. Does he live in Florida? We don't know. He's just in the United States." - Green, on the location of intellectual property for personal jurisdiction in quasi in rem actions.
"People in the military are like prisoners" - Green, talking about Intent to Domicile
"The supplemental jurisdiction statute is SO poorly drafted. It's shameful, absolutely shameful." - Green
"Today is normally the day I drive my wife to work, but I was running late, so I just dumped her off by the curb." - Green
"It's really bad if you hit a cow...they're really big. Unless you are Schwartzenegger and you are driving a hummer, that is okay. So, anyway, that is the difference between general and specific personal jurisdiction." - Keckler
"Remember that if you can't make it as a lawyer, you can always get a job as a process server. You can still feel involved." - Keckler
"It's unlikely that a NPR contest would result in hundreds of Volvos drag-racing down the street." - Krauss, on Weirum v. Rko General Inc., 539 P.2d 36, 40-41 (Cal. 1975)
"Should I be able to create the "Dwight Eisenhower Porn Shoppe" in Arlington?" - Krauss
"The government has a definite financial interest in Americans' continued smoking." - Krauss
"If a guy has a gold hot-tub, he may as well have his initials on it." - Wright
"The 9th Circuit is a crazy place, and Kozinski is the craziest of the bunch." - Wright
Textbooks and Judicial Opinions:
"A drunken man is as much entitled to a safe street, as a sober one, and much more in need of it." - J. Heydenfeldt, Robinson v. Pioche, Bayerque & Co., 5 Cal. 460 (1855)
"Not every slight, nor even every wrong, ought to have a tort remedy. The intrusion of courts in to every aspect of life, and particularly into every type of business relationship, generates serious costs and uncertainties, trivializes the law, and denies individuals and businesses the autonomy of adjusting mutual rights and responsibilities through voluntary contractual agreement." - J. Kozinski (concurring), Oki America, Inc. v. Microtech International, Inc., 872 F.2d 312, at 315-16, Reprinted in Scott and Kraus, Contract Law and Theory pp. 1028-29.
"Perhaps most troubling, the willingness of courts to subordinate voluntary contractual agreements to their own sense of public policy and proper business decorum deprives individuals of an important measure of freedom. The right to enter into contracts -- to adjust one's legal relationships by mutual agreement with other free individuals -- was unknown through much of history and is unknown even today in many parts of the world. Like other aspects of personal autonomy, it is too easily smothered by government officials eager to tell us what's best for us." - Id. at 1029
"The recent tendency of judges to insinuate tort causes of action into relationships traditionally governed by contract is just such overreaching. It must be viewed with no less suspicion because the government officials in question happen to wear robes." - Id.
"While the skies are friendly enough, the ground can be a mighty dangerous place." J. Kozinski, Andrews v. United Airlines, 24 F.3d 39 (9th Cir. 1994)
"The alleged slander was a supervisor's statement that the plaintiffs were sneaking around joining a union -- actions which amounted to Communism." - Epstein, Torts (8th ed.) p. 935
"The Jacobson result is not compelled by logic or by the nature of things, although it is one by which lawyers would not be surprised in the light of past decisions of the courts and by which judicial economy is arguably served." - Field, Kaplan, and Clermont, Civil Procedure: Materials for a Basic Course (8th ed., 2003), p. 657, on 11 N.W.2d 442 (1943).
"A misguided minority of law students think that civil procedure is dull" - Glannon, Civ Pro: Examples and Explanations, p. 429
Students:
"Bambi was a tacky house decoration just waiting to happen" - Squeally
"Being friends with you is like having your own private information gathering and filtering service -- it's awesome!" - Squeally, to me.
"I still say he deserved to die for trying to bastardize the real purpose of pareve foods to suit his own selfish needs" - Squeally, on our LRWA project
"I wish I could be somebody's property!" - Squeally, on traditional ketubot
"LRWA: (Logical Rules Won't Apply) a class that just plain sucks, takes up an ungodly amount of time for practically no credit value, and has no real purpose except to frustrate first year law students in hopes that they will go insane, thereby decreasing the potential pool of future attornies." - Squeally
"Tell families to treat ugly or stupid children badly... encourage them to be suicidal" - Squeally
"Too bad it didn't turn out the other way, maybe the NY times would've gone bankrupt and we wouldn't have them polluting american with their lies today... well, it's just that they were telling lies then and obviously their winning this case at the USSC level made them feel immune to civil liability from future lies." - Squeally, on New York Times v. Sullivan
"A theme? How about, 'crappy law student seeks middling grade'?" - Ehrst, on writing persuasive memoranda
"Well to be fair, what kind of econ class doesn't talk about artificial insemination? That and econ just go hand in hand." - Ehrst
"At church...with Matt. Yes, Matt. No, I'm not kidding. Yes, I hope the place doesn't spontaneously combust when he steps inside." - Erick
"I bet if women gave birth out of their asses, vaginal would be all the rage" - The Big Iz
"I know all I'll ever need to know about zoning from the Steven Seagal movies I've seen. They're all corrupt." - Tha Big Iz
"I think he's disappointed that I'm not a smart enough Jew." - Tha Big Iz, on Krauss
"[Prof. Green's] shirt makes me want to poop. It reminds me of my bathroom" - Tha Big Iz
"The Bluebook: A Disuniform System of Bullshit." - The Big Iz
"There's a big difference between cheating with (a girl in a relationship) and cheating on (a girl you're dating). Like the difference between negligence and contributory negligence... there's a lower duty of care." - Tha Big Iz
"Just think, when you have a baby, you have a living being you have to manually wash every single day for like 7-8 years" - Samantha
"What I really want right now is to have an ex post perspective of the torts exam" - Amanda
"What they didn't tell us is that instead of a law school we were really joining a cult that only allows you to post away messages and profile material that make absolutely no sense to your non-law school friends" - Amanda
"He may have gotten an A+ in contracts but he gets an F in life." - Jamie S., on a gunner
"Jewelry and anal sex, what more could a girl want?" - Jamie S.
"I'm tired of the shiksas, man" - Shaka
Amanda: Can you imagine what would happen if he wrote a textbook?
Samantha: Yeah he would name it "Hurting People: Cowboy Cops and Doing Your Wife" or, from The New Professor's Series: "You Gotta Speak Up! 10 Ways to Push All the Buttons and Make Your Students Squirm"(April 2005)
Ehrst: who's that guy up front talking?
Erick: Professor Wright
Ehrst: isn't he kind of young?McGillicuddy: [on FRCP R.4(h)(1)] Can you serve the fry guy?
Squeally: I'm going to serve the Hamburgler!