"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."
"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
"Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?"
- Anonymous"Nuke a godless Communist gay baby seal for Christ." - A Random T-shirt
"Nothing travels faster than light, with the possible exception of bad news, which follows its own rules." - Douglas Adams
"A sense of humor is a measurement of the extent to which we realize that we are trapped in a world almost totally devoid of reason. Laughter is how we express the anxiety we feel at this knowledge." - Dave Barry
"Damn dirty trees can rot in hell for all I care. We have plastics and metals which are superior building materials to wood, and nice grass fields gives us plenty of oxygen. Forests are useless and should all fall and be unheard." - Frank J
"Did you see the Israeli ambassador respond to the Syrian one at the U.N.? Damn, he looked pissed. Would have been cool if, when asked to respond to Syria, the Israeli ambassador just pulled out his gun and shot the Syrian. Sure it would have caused controversy, but I'm getting so damn tired of diplomacy." - Frank J
"Hy-phen-ation is hu-mor-ous" - Mike Harris
"Two farmers each claimed to own a certain cow. While one pulled on its head and the other pulled on its tail, the cow was milked by a lawyer." - Jewish parable
"It is now proved beyond doubt that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics." - Fletcher Knebel
"Ironically, in our highly driven culture, it would appear the only people not interested in pushing the envelope are postal employees" - Dennis Miller
"Speaking of All-Star silliness, one wag near me suggested that Vladimir Guerrero's bat was destined to collide with Tommy Lasorda, because Lasorda's grown to the point of having his own gravitational field." - Rob Neyer
"I don't have a microphone. I apologize. I know I don't project...except hatred...anyway, I was speaking on why society needs to kill a large number of people..." - Prof. David Rosenberg, Harvard Law
"When I was younger I hated going to weddings ...it seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.' They stopped that shit after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals." - Chad Scheller
"Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster. And if you touch the crotch of the abyss, know that the abyss is touching your crotch also." - Nietzsche SOMAD - www.Forum2000.org
"Berkeley: not yet a smoking radioactive crater. What does a guy have to do to get a city nuked these days?" - Russell Wardlow
"I must not be sto-len." - T. Herman Zweibel
"'Standish!' I cried. 'Procure the Swiss Guard, the iron-clad, the zeppelin, and the two-headed hound!'" - T. Herman Zweibel
"First, we have to bail out the Africans because they don't have enough water. Now, it's because they have too much. Which is it, folks?" Todd Pollack, Lawyer (The Onion - Referring to Mozambique Flooding)
"Your boast that you could solve the Arab-Israeli conflict with one hand tied behind your back comes back to haunt you when you try to escape Syria in a rowboat." - The Onion, Libra Horoscope, 3/15/00