"Ash + Ken + Nazi = The Elite Race of Pokemon Trainers and Street Fighters" - Loucifer, on Ashkenazi Jews
"Being immature not only ensures a long, happy life, but no chance whatsoever of getting laid. With Johnny Prostituteseed's invention of hookers in 1695, that's no longer a problem." - Loucifer
"For the record, the boy in my profile is a supple 22 year old from Commack, L.I. named "Adam". He enjoys the Mets, shiny objects and Wendy's." - Loucifer
"Given my lack of a voice, it came as a surprise to a few coworkers when I screamed, not too loudly, when Don (the only goofball here besides me, with an MBA btw) lobs an old Wendy's chicken nugget into my cube. It was like it was raining taste." - Loucifer
"How come people made a big stink when a 6'6" black woman dunks? I'm a 6'2" white guy, and when I dunk, all I hear is some guy saying: "Hey asshole, you just broke my 3 year old's Fisher Price hoop. I'm going to fucking rape you, prick." It's racism I tell you. Pure and simple." - Loucifer
"I don't hate my job, just the commute and the requirement of pants" - Loucifer
"I hope they all get cancer, their wives contract Hep C and their kids die when they stick their heads in the garbage disposal when they look for their fathers' courage." - Loucifer, on the Red menace from Boston.
"I want a kimono, a kimono sans crotch. OH! One with a hole in the pooper, so I don't have to take it off to pee, poo, or take balloon knot action." - Loucifer
"I wish I could shoot heroin... I'd look like a model... I'd look like death" - Loucifer (drunk)
"I'm on it like [pretty] Dave on 13 year old cartoon girls with big American eyes" - Loucifer
"I'm like if Yin and Yang fucked each other in the poophole... and then Yang gave Yin a chili dog" - Loucifer
"I'm so powerful, I was stored in Al Qaqaa before I wasn't stored in Al Qaqaa" - Loucifer
"If God's will for human life is to spend all your time pretending to be someone you're not in order to attract a mate, then I'll be in Hell playing video games and boycotting pants." - Loucifer
"Imagine if I had a robot vagina... that would be really cool because I could put a magnetic dildo in there and the dildo would be a positive charge and the pussy would be a positive charge and then they wouldn't want to fuck each other but then you'd have to Kobe that in there and rail it good" - Loucifer (drunk)
"It was very tough to even watch the two cities which I hate most represented in the Super Bowl. In the end, I'm glad that Philly lost. Fuck South Jersey for even rooting for those faggots. Fuck McNabb for shitting the bed more times than an old man without his 'bag'. I hope Freddie Mitchell gets cancer. And I hope all of Philadelphia and whoever roots for them realizes that the city sucks, all of their teams suck, and their lives are all forfeit because they cheer for a second-class city with shitty news anchors, no defining characteristics and just an aura of 'we wish we were NYC'." - Loucifer, on Super Bowl XXXIX
"Jadam rubs against the door in front of [Harris] going "Oh, Riri!" It's sad, yet helps me leave Flacidtown." - Loucifer
"Masturbation is like going to a steakhouse. I don't know why, it just is." - Loucifer
"Nothing turns me on more than getting bitch-smacked in bed by a pale, big-eared 6'4" Jewish boy." - Loucifer
"Sleep is for the weak. Good thing I'm a pussy." - Loucifer
"Tell my mom I'm not drunk cuz I'm not drunk cuz if I was drunk I'd be Ned Flanswered *burp*" - Loucifer (drunk)
"The thing about Italian assholes is that they're covered in Marinara and 'Galimad' (Calimari)" - Loucifer, drunkenly talking about how he wants to get a rusty trombone
"Unions are horrid, retarded people should die, and I'll smack you in the mouth, I'm Neil Diamond." - Loucifer
Loucifer: ooh my torrent completed
Harris: which one, simpsons?
Loucifer: Semen Mania: It's a story of a young girl down on her luck, who gets nailed a lot... also I think there's some sperm cameo. I will watch it at the appropriate time and place -- tomorrow when I get into workLittleRyan: You are one of the few people who desrves cancer. No offense
Loucifer: None taken
LittleRyan: Food poisoning would be sadly ironic, like when a clown gets crushed by a little car or somethingLoweeel: [Shek and Harris] are having a 4-some
Loucifer: hm... 3-some. The void where her ass is sucks in one of his earsShek: My 6'4 baby is not online
Loucifer: He's with me.
Shek: Well, he's in good breasts... I mean, handsShek: Let's all give [Harris] super good karma [for his job interview]!!! Lou, work your magic
Loucifer: *masturbates* will do
Shek: No, I mean, roll your breasts around ;-)
Loucifer: Because you can't?
Shek: I HATE YOUPrettyDave5: Also, in CO if I shoot you for trying to rape me, I get a medal and a cash award
Loucifer: Oooh, can we split the money?Loweeel: Lou is really really funny
PrettyDave5: you misspelled "evil"
"Lou likes his women like he likes his coffee: ground-up and in the freezer" - Jewish Adam
"Damn you, your quotes page makes me jonely" - Pretty Dave
"I just know who Lou looks like! I'm watching Fight Club, and he's the big-titted guy." - Shek
"Lou is so immature it's like a baby pooping in his pants---you can't blame him" - Shek