(Shizzek the Assless Wonder™)

"Chinese people are the most anal on projects. They like to hog them because they need to get an A or Mao will send them back to the rice fields." - Shek, who is Chinese

"Christ, I've so seriously strayed from my original point about pineapple Cunts" - Shek

"I can't really say what love is, but when you've got me laughing till my eyes are filled with tears, when you've got me so close to you, warm against you, when you make me smile till my cheeks hurt, I don't think I need to define love anymore. - Shek, on Harris

"I don't think I could stand the sweetness [of being a mother]. I was at a baby shower this weekend and my blood sugar went through the roof. Then I came home and watched football, and I felt better." - Shek, on baby showers

"I just know who Lou looks like! I'm watching Fight Club, and he's the big-titted guy." - Shek

"I see "free" and then I see "food" - one of the best two-word combinations ever." - Shek

"I'm sorry I broke your computer, I'll wash it." - Shek (drunk)

"I'm imagining my children floppy-eared and assless. They don't look really cute in my mind right now. They actually look mutantish. I'm scared - no, I'm serious... think about it. This is NOT good." - Shek

"Lou is so immature it's like a baby pooping in his pants---you can't blame him" - Shek

"My two greatest loves in my life: bacon and bacon." - Shek

"Sleeping and dreaming of a 6'4 giant baby and of avoiding bedbuggies" - Shek

"There's so much love between you and me, Lowell. I really feel it; except it comes in the form of strong, dark hatred." - Shek

"They will be assless, yes... and floppy eared, yes... BUT THEY WILL BE CUTE!" - Shek, on her future children

"When he gets married and has kids, he's doing the breast feeding; he can breast feed sextuplets at the same time." - Shek, on Loucifer

"You gotta let me meet her, and shove Cluck-U in her mouth. If she complains, dump her." - Shek, on one of my potential romantic prospects

"Your intelligence borders on insanity." - Shek, to me

Loweeel: I <3 boobs!
Shek: I <3 ears!

Loweeel: If one of [your kids with Harris] is not named after me, I'm going to be pissed
Shek: no, we're not naming one of our kids 'ASSHOLE'

Shek: so things going well?
Loweeel: sort of.. today's Cunt day, so it's rough
Shek: oh, her birthday... yeah, well, send her a jar of pineapples
Shek: "happy birthday, hope you enjoy DYING"

Auto response from Loweeel: Helping Shek with her research...
Shek: gosh, if only the baboons deposited samples the way you did, everyday, and so consistently
Shek: I'd be a published poop-researcher already

Shek: OMG

Loweeel: His ears will keep him company. They're like a canopy, to shield the rest of his body from the harmful rays of Earth's yellow sun
Shek: It was raining out today and I didn't feel a drop

Shek: Shizzy love MQH
Shek: all 6'4"
Shek: (+ ears)