Chaos Quotes



A list of (hopefully) funny things said in the Chaos (Monday) session of the campaign.

The Dude, on Geryon, the author of Pattern and Logrus, Irreconcilable Differences, getting his hand burnt by Corwin's Pattern: "Irreconcilable differences."

Geryon: "You know, with sufficient Shapeshifting, it is actually possible to think with your gonads."

Tristan: "I'm gonna go buy a sword. Swords are cool!"

John: "You think you're a Chaosian? Be this kitten!"

Geryon, frantically backpedaling from a commoner: "Eyes! Eyes!"

Bob: "I quicksort his Logrus construct."

GM: "You're feeling a little better. You're better, he's a little better."
John: "Have the women arrived yet?"
GM: "What?"
John: "I wanted to blow off a little steam."
GM: "You blow off some steam."
John: "Okay, I examine myself."

Tristan: "Who's Fiona?"
The Dude: "Fiona's a short, redheaded, intensely bitchy woman."

The Dude: "I could guard him fine..."
Geryon: "From good clothing?"

The Dude: "I prefer the 'Proof by "Trippy!"' method."

The Dude: "I'm about done rambling, actually."
Geryon: "You're so not."

John: "I've refined the art of not making enemies down to a science."
GM: "Cowardice."
John: "...to a cowardice."

The Dude, talking over Geryon: "You're still thinking with your gonads."
Geryon: "You've probably seen them, actually."
Tristan: "His gonads?"

Geryon: "I'm just your local, neighborhood god."
Tristan: "I'm so dead."

Geryon: "You have my Trump, you have his Trump, the other Trumps are not allowed to use on pain of Thigdranni pulling out your nosehairs."
Hank: "Can I use your phone?"
John: "Sure."

Geryon: "They might have me castrated."
Tristan: "You might think better that way."
Saklas: "He's so smooth!"

GM: "Oh, I remember! You did stupid things with your blood!"

GM: "You see a six-winged serpent following you."
Sam: "Six wings? Wow!"

Geryon: "I think, considering our recent loss of prestige in the Patternfall War, it would be a bad idea to get into an out-and-out war with assassins. I thought that was a perfectly logical sentence..."

Geryon: "I can't Shapeshift my Swayvill away!"

John, after Saklas has been attacked by a Fire Angel: "Am I powerful enough to summon Fire Angels?"
GM: "Um, yes."
John, to Sam: "Oh. You don't know that."

GM: "There's a Logrus Tendril coming at 80-90 mph at your head. What do you do?"
Hank: "Duck!"

GM: "Do you do anything?"
Sam: "Can I do the Funky Chicken?"

Saklas: "Would somebody get a maid to clean up the maid?"

GM: "Perhaps he was smart enough to set the traps not to trigger on himself."
John: "But only wusses do that."
Bob: "Guilty as charged!"

Lady Vissult, to Geryon: "You're free to go. Keep yourself out of trouble."

Geryon: "Cwell hasn't seen my nipples."
Saklas: "WHAT?"

The Dude: "At least I don't have bright pink neon nipples."
Geryon: "I don't have bright pink neon nipples!"
The Dude: "You're just shapeshifting them grey. I know you are."

Saklas: "Don't you keep women?"
Geryon: "I don't keep women! I keep... commoners... I keep lots of commoners. I employ women."

John: "I don't have a porno shop!"
Bob: "He's got infinite Shadow -- that's better than a porno shop."

GM: "It looks like she just came out of the shower. She's got a bathrobe on."
Sam: "Bishop Tern, are you trying to seduce me?"

GM to Sam: "Whatever he's telling you, it's a bad idea and you want to avoid it."
Geryon: "What's wrong with my battle plans? They're very aesthetically pleasing!"

GM: "Okay, we're all having too much fun with Geryon's nipples."

Geryon: "I was figuring I wouldn't get into a battle, and if I did, at least I'd have the stereo."

Tristan: "I'll Trump somebody in the Marné Ways."
GM: "You could just walk."
Tristan: "Yeah, but that would mean walking."

Saklas: "Okay, get in and get out fast!"
GM: "It's about a mile, you can't do it that fast."
Saklas: "Yeah, but we don't want Geryon flirting with anything."

Geryon, upon making a suggestion that everyone agrees with: "Wait a minute. You're all taking orders from me?"
Saklas: "That [the suggestion] was the plan all along, Geryon. So glad you finally caught on."

Geryon: "So, wanna head out into the center of the rift?"
Sam: "That sure seems like what the GM is pushing us to do."

Geryon: "Boot to the head!"
GM: "You don't even have flippers."

Lord Marné, Trumping Tristan to tell him his life is in danger: "Where are you?"
Tristan: "Underwater."
Lord Marné: "Who are you with?"
John: "Fourteen Vissults and a hand grenade."

Cwell: "We need to kill Robelone Jezby."
Tristan: "Why?"
The Dude: "Because he's an asshole, that's why!"

Hank, regarding summoning demons: "I wanna summon Superman."

GM: "You're not holding a Primal Power in your hands. That'd be the difference."
Sam: "I got a Chevy..."

Bob: "Why don't we just challenge [Robelone] to a game of Twister?"
John: "Naah, too much taint possibility."
Bob: "Okay, how about battleship? Not much contact there..."
John: "How about Connect Four?"
Bob: "That could work..."
John: "Right. Why don't we challenge him to a game of Connect Four, and when he shows up, we can give him a wedgie!"
Bob: "A wedgie?"
John: "Yeah, you can give him a Pattern Wedgie!"
Sam: "Wait, can you get Wedgie aspected sorcery?"

GM: "Mournblade is a lot like HIV."

John, after the GM misspoke several times: "You're just not good with nouns."

Sam: "Oh boy, chaos in the Church!"
John: "No, Church in Chaos."

Geryon: "We could lure [Robelone] with something else..."
Saklas: "Tristan Marné!"
Tristan: "Tristan Marné is going to go home and hide under his bed."

Geryon: "Home field advantage is always a good thing."
Tristan: "Do you need a cheering section?"

John: "I would guess that Robelone's warfare is good enough to avoid being killing himself with lawn darts! My warfare is good enough to avoid killing myself with lawn darts."
GM: "That hasn't been proven yet."
John: "Okay. I summon a lawn dart. I throw it..."
GM: "You kill yourself."

Geryon, going to cleanse Mournblade by waving it above Corwin's Pattern: "You know what this is, don't you, Pattern..."

The Dude, referring to Geryon's now blackened and charred arms: "Damn, Geryon, you are one sexy beggar!"

John: "I can move? I can feel the wind on my bare bones?"

Geryon: "They're invading! They want to touch our Logrus in impure ways!"

John: "Geryon's got the aesthetic thing down. War, no."
Josh: "Yeah, those nipples..."

Sam: "Frikkin' Drath..."

Commoner to Geryon: "Hey dude, can I touch your sword?"

Tristan: "I am the ghost of Jala"

Sam: "Can somebody get Shapeshift Vomit?"

GM: "You want to not get hit, I take it?"

GM: "There is a big ballista pointed at Saklas' door, triggered by a string. It has a certain rustic charm..."

Geryon: "I'm Geryon Swayvill, Guardian of Mournblade. Could I speak to Tristan Marné?"
Alfred: "You're very full of yourself over this Guardian thing, aren't you?"

Sam: "I go after Jala."
GM: "You're going after somebody in Primal form?"
Sam: "Well, maybe that's a bad idea."

John: "One does not parry the Logrus."
Editorial Note: He was, in fact, mistaken.

Geryon: "You're not invading, are you?"
The Dude: "Only for a little while, then we'll go home."

Geryon: "Yeah, but this guy greeted me with, 'You're Geryon Swayvill, aren't you?' and that's not how Tristan usually greets me."
GM: "Yeah, he usually hides."

John: "Everybody run! Geryon's got a gun!"

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