So it's Halloween tonight, and sweet nothing is precisely what we have. Well, okay, we have a half-opened bag of licorice twizzlers which were left over from last night. But we aren't giving them away, which is fine because nobody is coming to our house anyway, which is fine because if they did their parents wouldn't let them eat unwrapped candy, which is fine because most people don't like licorice anyway.

    I used to celebrate Halloween, but I'm at the point where a simple cost-benefit analysis keeps me off of the streets tonight and in the leftover bargain aisle tomorrow. Yes, I may get paid very little. But even with minimum wage, those 3 hours spent trick or treating could be used to earn enough money to buy a lot more day-after-halloween candy then you'd get circling the neighborhood. And besides, that way I can get all the cool peanut-butter-and-chocolate candy instead of gum, raisins, and the ever unpopular licorice twizzlers.

    As an added bonus, I remembered to call my mom for her birthday this year, thus making my bid not to receive the 2003 annual "Lousiest Son Ever" award (which I received last year due in no small part to my failure to call my mom on her 50th birthday, which happens to fall on the very difficult to remember day of Halloween).

    In other sweet nothing news, three days ago a friend of mine was complaining to me about a "Someone likes you" email which he had received. These are from an insidious matchmaking website, and the jig works thusly:

    Idiot with a crush enters the email address of his crush. Recipient idiot, upon receiving an email saying "Someone likes you!", lists the email addresses of every guy she knows in an attempt to find out who it is. These idiots, upon receiving "Someone likes you!", list the email addresses of every girl they know in the hopes of getting lucky. Repeat ad nauseam.

    Anyway, so a few hours after agreeing with him that these things are terrible, I received one myself. Undoubtedly, some of our mutual friends have been sucked into this web, and are perpetuating the evil that lurks within. This is just as bad as chain forwards, and I hope that most of my friends have the good sense just to delete these things.

    For the record, though, I am enamored of many of my friends. And even if you happen to be one of the aforementioned idiots who forwards these things, it doesn't necessarily mean I don't love you. It just means that you need a good thwap upside the head so you can see the error of your foul forwarding ways.