I can't jumpstart your chevrolet,
I don't like drinking beer.
I don't watch football everyday,
And gyms fill me with fear.
When I attempt a manly task,
It's usual I fail.
But now, in glory I can bask:
I've been declared "Most Male"!

"The grand-prize winner for Distinguished Ultra-Male Behavior is Seth Brown, 23, of Williamstown, Mass. I heard of Seth's accomplishment third-hand, and assumed it was an urban legend, but called anyway."

       If the Washington Post says it, it must be true.

Avast, me hearties, fear my unmatched maleness!