Printed in the Providence Journal
Issue of the week: "A Coarse Discourse"
The country has problems that must be discussed,
And some of them aren't always pretty.
So we take these hot issues and agree to trust
The House Judiciary Committee.
From a diverse collection of moral beliefs
This committee is mainly comprised.
Yet it lacks moderation and causes much grief
Since the members are too polarized.
So conservatives push for what they think is right
(While the liberals push for the left).
The entire affair is a party-line fight
And of all common sense, it's bereft.
One expects that when faced with a difficult choice
It would be treated with some decorum,
But when either extreme hears a moderate voice
The tendency is to ignore 'em.
The divisive issues that gnaw at our country
Multiply to a rapid extent.
And the two ideologies seem to agree
On (surprisingly) zero percent.
"Abortion's a sin," the conservatives say,
"And we need to adopt legislation
That would halt this foul practice in every way
For the moral safety of our nation."
"It's the woman's own choice," the liberals reply,
"Since democracy is based on freedom.
We agree that it's best if the fetus not die
But we only get them when we need 'em.
Now the death penalty is a barbaric act,
One that seems so unusually cruel
That we can't understand why it remains in tact
Under just and democratic rule."
"Wait a minute," responds a Republican guy,
"Is that your idea of Democracy?
You let criminals live while unborn babies die.
It sounds like a terrible hypocrisy.
The death penalty's fine, it's a useful deterrent
A tradition we hope will abide.
What we need to attack is the practice more current
Where doctors assist suicide."
"You think we aren't fair," A Democrat delves,
"On questions that are political?
We can kill full-grown men but they can't kill themselves,
Now just who is being hypocritical?
It's the freedom of choice that we wish to advance
Where all people are equally treated
And to make sure minorities get a fair chance,
We'll have quotas because they are needed."
"So what happened to choice," the conservative asks,
"In the American marketplace?
We'd prefer to choose whomever's best for the task
Without giving regard to their race.
It's indicative of the American way,
To which our country should aspire.
Let's respect this great land, and finally say
NO to setting our grand flag on fire."
"You were speaking of choice," the liberal replies,
"But you won't let us choose with flag-burning.
Your remarks about choice are a big pack of lies
That we frankly find very concerning."
So the two sides opposing continue to war
Spouting off lots of incessant prattle.
Both give arguments that we have all heard before
In the never ending moral battle.
They both keep the hypocrisies moving along
To pursue a ridiculous fight.
Each side firmly believes that the other is wrong;
In this one fact they may both be right!