Grade inflation has long been a problem in the college circle. One of the worst effects is that once one college has it, students at other colleges suddenly find that their grades look much less impressive. For this reason, in a vote last week the administration of Brown University determined that beginning with the incoming class of '04 in Sept. 2000, student GPA will be calculated on a binary system.

    President Emeritus Vartan Gregorian shared his thoughts on the necessity of the change. "Brown University gives students the finest liberal-arts education that this country has to offer. Unfortunately, due to the fact that we have no core curriculum, some people don't take our college seriously. Very bright students who would otherwise come here turn away because they feel the lack of a core curriculum is unimpressive on a resume. Now we are making up for that by giving our students a competitive edge in the marketplace."

    Students at Brown are generally pleased with the change. Under the old system, a C- would be recorded as a 2.0, whereas with the improved binary method it would become a 10.0, easily double the GPA of students from any other university. Students fortunate enough to receive an A would have a GPA of 100.0, which would automatically qualify them as Rhodes Scholars.

    Thomas Wilkes, Assistant Professor of Mathematics enthusiastically supports the new system. "This move to binary will put Brown on top of the Ivy League, and I am behind it 1100100%!"

    In a surprising development yesterday, Fall River Mayor Ed Lambert Jr. contracted Hasbro Incorporated for the building of a new bridge. Mayor Lambert gave many reasons for his decision, including the benefit to a local manufacturer and the quality reputation that Hasbro has. "Considering the recent problems we've had, I think it's time we brought in someone who can build a solid bridge. I've seen those commercials where kids throw around Hasbro toys, and if what they build can stand up to a 5-year old, there's no reason to believe it couldn't stand up to thousands of cars every day."

    Gleefully signing the contract was Alan Hassenfeld, Hasbro's Chairman and CEO. "This is a great victory for Rhode Island, and a wonderful opportunity. I believe that we can build a bridge to a safer millenium, with the type of advantages people have come to expect from our company." Among the advantages Hassenfeld cited was the bridge's ability to "transform into a giant robot" and "shoot lasers".

    Construction is slated to begin next week.