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The Questions

Realm: Realm and subrealm mentioned in lead-in skit
Question: What's going on in the Bermuda Triangle?
Answer: Elvis Needs Boats
Song: "Elvis is Everywhere" by Mojo Nixon

Realm: I know something you don't know
Subrealm: Frosh, are you scared yet?
Question: Jesse Garon is more intimately related to this contest than any of you probably realize. None of us have ever met him. In fact, he died before we were all born. Who is this mysterious figure?
Answer: Elvis Presley's brother, who died at birth.
Song: "Brother" by Toad the Wet Sprocket

Realm: I Ran
Subrealm: NOT the Song by Flock of Seagulls
Question: In early June of this year, Iran's parliament voted to ban the sale of these items, after they were deemed immoral by Muslim clerics. Iran's government argues that they spread corruption, rob youths of their moral values, and most horribly, promote homosexuality and asexuality. What are these horrific items in question?
Answer: Seedless watermelons
Song: "Seed to a Tree" by Blind Melon

Realm: Famous Last Words
Subrealm: Stupid Last Words
Question: Civil War general John Sedgwick's last words were one of history's greatest misjudgments. What were they?
Answer: They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
Song: "Guns in the Sky" by INXS

Realm: Where's Waldo?
Subrealm: Congressional Style
Question: "He's in the right wing of the Capitol. You take a right, then another far right, then you go to the extreme right, and he's right there." These are, according to Bob Dole, the directions to whose office?
Answer: Rep. Sonny Bono
Song: "Round" by Sunny Day Real Estate

Realm: Great Moments in American Justice
Subrealm: This is an OJ Free contest, remember?
Question: In 1893, Supreme Court Justice Gray wrote the majority opinion for Nix v. Hedden, boldly taking a stand a making a pivotal contribution to the field of botanic law. What was this decision?
Answer: That the tomato is legally a vegetable
Song: "Sweet Leaf" by Black Sabbath

Realm: Aliens
Subrealm: Scully wishes she were abducted by this one
Question: To whom can the following quote be attributed: "I was born on Planet Asphalt, a world with no rest stops! When I escaped to Planet Earth in my super-colossal, souped-up big rig, I vowed no traveler would ever go hungry or thirsty again!"?
Answer: Turnpike Man
Song: "Space Truckin" by Deep Purple

Realm: Ruling
Subrealm: Ruling
Question: In 1987, a St. Louis man was arrested for hitting Sharon Brown, a sunbather, on the head with a hammer. When asked why he committed such a heinous crime, what was his response?
Answer: The metric system angers me.
Song: "Goin' Berserk" by Buckner and Garcia

Realm: Sperm
Subrealm: It's Best Not to Say More
Question: Leland Traiman, a California nurse, announced earlier this year that he was opening Rainbow Flag Health Services, a sperm bank. This sperm bank, however, will have a particular restriction. What is it?
Answer: It will accept sperm only from homosexual or bisexual men.
Song: "Mama Told Me not to Come" by The Queers

Realm: The Terrible Twos
Subrealm: Hope you have insurance
Question: Mikey Sproul, who turned five just this year, became famous in the fall of 1993 when he took his family's car for a joyride. A month later he torched his bedroom curtains with a cigarette lighter and burned down his family's home in Florida. When asked to comment after each event, Mikey responded with a three word phrase. What were the two phrases?
Answer: "I go zoom" and "No more house"
Song: "Burn and Rob" by Paleface

Realm: When Nature Calls
Subrealm: Oh Deer
Question: Beginning in December of last year [1994], rangers at Grand Canyon National Park in Arizona began killing mule deer. In fact, over two dozen mule deer were killed because they were starving to death. Why were the deer starving?
Answer: The mule deer had become addicted to junk food left around by visitors and had lost their ability to naturally digest vegetation (One official referred to junk food as "the crack cocaine of the deer world").
Song: "Who Killed Bambi?" by The Sex Pistols

Realm: The Beastie Boys...
Subrealm: ...Meet Starsky & Hutch
Question: A Three-point play! Anybody who's seen the video for the Beastie's song "Sabotage" knows that it is a tribute, sort of, to the great TV cop shows of the 70s. And just like those cop shows of years past, a number of character credits are given during the course of the video. Can you name the five fictional actors and the five respective fictional characters those actors play in the video for "Sabotage"?
Answer: Fred Kelly as Bunny; Vic Colfari as Bobby, the Rookie; Alesandro Alegre as the Chief; Sir Stewart Wallace as himself; Nathan Wind as Cochise
Song: "Ain't Nothin' Goin' on but a Funky Song" bu Ripple

Realm: Fertility
Subrealm: More tomatoes
Question: An Eastport, England man was capable of producing a 4-1/4 pound tomato. What was his secret?
Answer: He put earphones around the tomato and played stereo music to it.
Song: "Play That Funky Music" by Wild Cherry

Realm: The Underground
Subrealm: In Paris they call ir "Le Metro." Wusses
Question: Long Island University scientists warned a certain clientelle not to ride New York City's subways since the noise, vibration, and crowding could kill them before their time. Who were these special clients?
Answer: Rats with high blood pressure
Song: "Subterranean Homesick Blues" by Bob Dylan

Realm: The Western Can(n)on
Subrealm: This One's for Stretch
Question: Officials at Langley Air Force Base have converted a 20-foot cannon. What does it do now and why?
Answer: It shoots chickens into airplane engines to test the damage.
Song: "High Flyin' Bird" by Jefferson Airplane

Realm: Baseball Hi-Jinx
Subrealm: If only they had an olive loaf...
Question: Major league baseball has been having problems selling $2.00 tickets this year, while the St. Paul Saints of the independent Northern League have been playing to a packed Midway Stadium. Why? Some say due to the innovations that their owners consistently come up with. For example, since the small-time baseball team did not have the DiamondVision instant replay system in their park, the owners came up with an equally effective alternative. What was it?
Answer: Mimes on top of the dugouts re-enacted plays.
Song: "Kiss the Clown" by Enuff Z'Nuff

Realm: Annelids with Attitude
Subrealm: Sonic and Knuckles can bite me
Question: Kids these days are playing video games infinitely cooler than the ones we had [I beg to differ. --JL '94]. Take, for example, the current hit Earthworm Jim. The premise: a big worm with a gun squirms around and kicks butt. Better yet, when the user pauses for a moment, Earthworm Jim takes advantage of the idle cycles to do amusing things. Wired Magazine lists three things that Jim does when the user is idle: the first two are jogging around and throwing bricks. What is the third?
Answer: Pulling a dancing Elvis from his pants
Song: "Elvis Waits" by Nan Vernon

Realm: Sabotage
Subrealm: Like a Great Big Glowing Gopher!
Question: If you don't remember Chernobyl, you've got a really bad memory. If you've never even heard of Chernobyl, you've been unconscious for years. However, if you didn't know about the temporary closing of the nuclear power plant at Knoxville, TN on September 18, 1977, that's okay. The TVA closed it for 17 days, at a cost of $2.8 million, for a very peculiar reason. What was it?
Answer: A worker's overshoe fell into an atomic reactor.
Song: "WHOOMP! There it Went" by Tag Team, Mickey, Minnie, and Goofy

Realm: Nuclear Reactors II
Subrealm: Electric Boogaloo
Question: Even weirder than the Knoxville, TN nuclear reactor was one that was built by engineers at the University of Florida. It was continualy being shut down and restarted, presumably every day. Why in the world would that have happened?
Answer: It had to be shut down every time a toilet in the building was flushed.
Song: "Radioactive" by The Firm

Realm: New York, New York
Subrealm: Does she have a dental plan?
Question: Mierle Laderman Ukeles has held an unusual, some might say unique, position within New York City government since 1976. What exactly is this position?
Answer: She is (unsalaried) artist-in-residence of the New York City Department of Sanitaiton
Song: "Obscurity Knocks" by Trash

Realm: Anime
Subrealm: Not *that* Dirty Pair!
Question: A Japanese animated film entitled Pompoko, featuring a family of badgerlike animals has been a hit in Japan due to the apparent hilarity of the badgers' secret weapon. What can they do that is so amusin?
Answer: Grow their testicles large enough to crush opponents
Song: "Ballroom Blitz" by The Sweet

Realm: Physical Exertion
Subrealm: Amateurs Only
Question: Earlier this year, the Olympic committee announced that two new "sports" would be added to the roster at the Sydney Summer Olympics in 2000, though it has not yet been decided whether they will be exhibition events or full competition events. What are these two physical activities?
Answer: Surfing and Ballroom Dancing
Song: "Dancing Fool" by The Butthole Surfers

Realm: Another One of Rich's Questions
Subrealm: Another one of Rich's TV questions...
Question: Lately, I just can't get the show "What's Happening" out of my head. You know, that lovely little sitcom with Raj, Dwayne, dee (who always wants a quarter), and of course the best dance in syndication during the '80s, Rerun. Ever wonder how ol' Frederick got the name Rerun? I know why, but I'm going to make you tell me anyway. Why?
Answer: He had to repeat the 5th grade
Song: "Repeater" by Fugazi

Realm: Celebrities
Subrealm: And their fluids
Question: Wendy the Snapple Lady is a figure that occurs over and over again in much of Western mythology. Her glory lies in the fact that she vowed that every letter written to the Snapple Company would receive a personal reply. What childhood trauma prompted her to issue such a daring dictum?
Answer: She wrote a fan letter to Greg Brady, but he never responded.
Song: "Letter to Memphis" by The Pixies

Realm: Television
Subrealm: "Teacher...Mother...Secret Lover"
Question: In 1977, Marco Ghattas, of Albuquerque, New Mexico, tried to get his parents to change their mings and allow him to eat in the TV room. He succeeded in doing so. How?
Answer: He wrote to the governor who wrote a letter to his parents giving him permission to eat there.
Song: "Come Around" by Letters to Cleo

Realm: As if you didn't think we were all Old-School Sci-Fi Geeks Already...
Subrealm: Dungeons & Dragons, of course
Question: In the series of monster tomes supplementing the game, the Fiend Folio tended towards the more bizarre and outlandish monsters found on Oerth, or indeed any other realm. We remember with joy the Nilbog, the Yellow Mush Creeper, and the Trilloch -- all creatures seen once in a green moon. In fact, there was only one creature in the entire volume listed as appearing commonly. Name it.
Answer: The throat leech
Song: "Don't Go Blue" by the Supersuckers

Realm: A subrealm we learned from the alums
Subrealm: Random Question Involving Sex
Question: According to Richard Lewis, if he were ever to author a book about sex, what would he entitle it?
Answer: "Ow, You're On My Hair"
Song: "Nobody Takes Me Seriously" by Split Enz

Realm: Horticulture
Subrealm: Porniculture
Question: The English are far too prim and proper for their own good. Evidence of this is the Great Maiden's Blush, a particularly beautiful double pink rose discovered in 1797. What do the French call this same flower?
Answer: Blushing Thigh of the Aroused Nymph
Song: "Push the Little Diasies" by Ween

Realm: Man's Best Friend
Subrealm: It Makes Sense to Derek
Question: Robert Hanshew was fined $58 for driving his van in the car pool lane in Santa Ana, Calif., which is reserved for cars holding at least two people. What was his defense?
Answer: He thought the four frozen corpses in his van qualified as passengers.
Song: "Icy Blue Heart" by John Hiatt

Realm: Tonga
Subrealm: Just kidding
Question: Marshalltown, Iowa is a little tough on its equine inhabitants. There is, in fact, a law on the books preventing the horses of the town from doing something that, presumably, they had in the past enjoyed doing. What is this activity?
Answer: Eating firehydrants
Song: "Water" by Graham Central Station

Realm: Politics
Subrealm: If they're too young to vote, can we make fun of them?
Question: Like many city honchos and honchas, the Mayor of Chicago, Richard Daley, and his lovely wife Maggie, curry favor with the press each Christmas by giving out gifts to sick kiddies in the hospitals. What major faux pas did Maggie make a few years back?
Answer: She gave the boardgame 'Life' as a gift to cancer patients
Song: "Life During Wartime" by The Talking Heads

Realm: Was is Funny, Pt. 6
Subrealm: Don't call them doughboys...
Question: During the war, WWII soldiers would often make up ditties about who they wanted to shoot most. One of the songs from that era spoke of three targets back on the home front, all American and non-military, for whom the soldiers were saving bullets. "We're saving three bullets and we're saving them well," went the song. The first bullet was intended for John L. Lewis, the leader of the striking miner's union, whose refusal to produce coal impeded the war. The second bullet was for Congress, for obvious reasons. For whom was the third bullet, and why?
Answer: They were saving it for Alfred Hormel, because he invented SPAM ("We're saving three bullets and we're saving them well, / For Lewis, for Congress, and Alfred Hormel.")
Song: "Tin Soldiers" by The Mighty Mighty Bosstones

Realm: Albatross!!!
Subrealm: Albatross!!!
Question: Most Western cultures wear black while mourning. Many Eastern cultures wear white. What unusual mourning tradition is a Tasmanian woman expected to follow?
Answer: She must wear her dead husband's penis.
Song: "It's All Right to Cry" by Rosie Grier

Realm: Thingies
Subrealm: Huh huh ... I said "Thingies"
Question: She was born in Hot Springs, Iowa, and her measurements are 70-30-32. Who is she?
Answer: Miss Piggy
Song: "Pork Soda" by Primus

Realm: Bad Actors
Subrealm: Bad ideas
Question: British actor Johnathan Hartman had tried out for the Royal Shakespeare Company numerous times over many years, only to be rejected every single time. In a final strangely desperate act, what plan did Hartman devise to assure himself a place in an RSC production?
Answer: He has made a provision in his will leaving his skull to the RSC to be used in productions of Hamlet.
Song: "Goodbye, Cruel World" by Shakespear's Sister

Realm: Williamsiana
Subrealm: It's too dark to check
Question: Three Point Play! As we all know, there are ten names of famous people carved into the west and south faces of Stetson. For 1 pt., name any five, and for 2 pts., name all ten.
Answer: Aristotle, Virgil, Aquinas, Dante, Shakespeare, Moliere, Homer, Goethe, Franklin, Cervantes
Song: "Wild Young Ways" by Dead White People

Realm: Medication
Subrealm: Medication of Love
Question: The drug Anfranil, prescribed as an antidepressant, sometimes has an interesting side effect. What is this effect?
Answer: Every time you yawn, you have an orgasm (Yes, both men and women).
Song: "Highly Illogical" by Leonard Nimoy

Realm: The Accordion
Subrealm: He is not related to Frankie Yankovic
Question: In high school, "Weird Al" Yankovic and a friend decided that they wanted their picture in the yearbook. So they invented a club, and got their picture taken. What club did they invent?
Answer: The Volcano Worshippers Club
Song: "I Dig You Dug" by Lava Love

Realm: News
Subrealm: UPN News, that is
Question: Three point play! UPN News recently aired a segment on health care, which above all cautioned the viewer to keep an eye on his or her employer's insurance policies, lest fraud be occurring clandestinely. They began this segment with an unusual segment, however, in which they conducted a street- interview with a well-known musician who had been filming a video that day on Wall Street, asking him "Do you worry about health care?" Who was this musician, and for a bonus point, what was his reply?
Answer: Bootsie Collins; "I dunno...may the funk be wit' you."
Song: 1st track from Zillatron

Realm: Stoopid Bartenders and Natural Born Killers
Subrealm: ...and the dads who love them
Question: Charles Harrison, father of actor Woody Harrelson, has been arrested a number of times for various small crimes. The elder Harrison, it seems, is a chronic small-time hood. However, there is one crime that Harrelson has confessed to committing that the police are almost certain he did NOT commit. What is it?
Answer: The assassination of JFK
Song: "California Uber Alles" by The Dead Kennedys

Realm: Architecture
Subrealm: No Flyin' Buttresses Here, Senator!
Question: Some buildings are built of concrete. Others of wood. Still others of ice. However, Wolsey's College of Ipswich, England is made up of something entirely different. What is it made of?
Answer: Septaria -- the fossilized remains of jellyfish
Song: "Mad Cow" by Jellyfish Kiss

Realm: Evil
Subrealm: More Dangerous than Hemorrhagic Fever
Question: In Izmir, Turkey in the 1970's, reserachers discovered that something causes homosexuality in rats and deafness in pigs. What could this nefarious something be?
Answer: Disco Music
Song: "Disco Queen" by Hot Chocolate

Realm: Pathetically easy question
Subrealm: You don't deserve any points for answering this correctly
Question: At the end of "Strawberry Fields Forever," some people claim to hear Lennon saying "I buried Paul." This is not true. What is Lennon really saying?
Answer: Cranberry Sauce
Song: "Sunday" by tThe Cranberries

Realm: Music
Subrealm: Grave robbers from outer space
Question: Music history class was never this much fun! Shortly after Josef Haydn's funeral, some locals stole something from his grave. What was it, and why did they do it?
Answer: His head, in order to phrenologize it (read the bumps on his head)
Song: "Don't Lose Your Head" by Queen

Realm: Great Accisents in History
Subrealm: Who let the Dutch guy in lab this time?
Question: Once upon a time Franciscus dele Boe Sylvius, a Dutch medical professor, decided he'd try to come up with a blood cleanser that could be sold in drug stores. After fooling around in the lab for a while, he created something that has become more popular than he could have dreamed -- only it wasn't a blood cleanser. What did the old chap unwittingly invent?
Answer: Gin
Song: "Gin" by Drew Bunting

Realm: Nutrasweet
Subrealm: "Nutra"?
Question: Saccharin, the artifical flavoring of choice before Nutrasweet, has another use which some may find surprising. What is this other, more industrial, use?
Answer: Make car bumpers shinier
Song: "Cars" by Gary Neuman

Realm: Blowing
Subrealm: But markedly not sucking
Question: The Sherlock Holmes story "The Sign of Four" features an Andaman Islander who killed Bartholomew Sholto using a poison dart from a blow gun. What was the islander's name?
Answer: Tonga
Song: "Sheepdip" by Lawnmover Deth

Realm: Temperance
Subrealm: (Low Grunting)
Question: Horace Wilcox founded it as a non-drinking community in 1888. It actually remained so for its first twenty years. What community?
Answer: Hollywood
Song: "Gin Guzzlin' Frenzy" by Mojo Nixon

Realm: Popes-a-poppin'
Subrealm: D'oh!
Question: A Baltimor, Maryland man was seized with the urge to do something extra- special in honor of Pope John Paul II's visit to the U.S. However, his idea was dismissed as impractical and probably6 a little sacreligious. What was his idea?
Answer: Pope shaped doughnuts
Song: "Cover You In Oil" by AC-DC

Realm: Popes-a-poppin! Part II
Subrealm: This time it's personal
Question: In 1989, Pope John Paul II declared two brand-new sins. What were tehy?
Answer: Bad driving and speeding
Song: "Transfusion" by Nervous Norvous

Realm: The Great Unknown
Subrealm: Smeghead
Question: Some people extol death as the ultimate state of being, freedom from this world. Others, like Lester on Red Dwarf, would disagree. What does he say death is like?
Answer: Being on holiday with a bunch of Germans
Song: "Radioactivity" by Kraftwerk

Realm: Top Secret
Subrealm: Oliver Stone, eat your heart out!
Question: Three Point Play! It is well known that the government rates classified information as Confidential, Restricted, Secret, and Top Secret. However, there are four classification categories above Top Secret that are so secret even their names are (uh, were) secret. What are they?
Answer: Umbra, Ultra, Froth, and Canoe
Song: "My Secret Place" by Joni Mitchell

Realm: Mistranslations
Subrealm: NOT "Bite the wax tadpole," dammit!
Question: Among the hall of fame of bad translations, Coors beer is near the top of the list with a rotten translation of its slogan "Turn it loose" into Spanish. What did their Spanish slogan mean when translated back to English?
Answer: Suffer from diarrhea.
Song: "Bustin' Loose" by Chuck Brown

Realm: Dinner Parties
Subrealm: Would you please pass the jelly?
Question: Some people do some strange things. Others do some very normal things in awkward locations. Rembrandt Peale was one such person. One evening in Philadelphia, he had thirteen dinner guests. What was so unusual about the location of this modest dinner party?
Answer: It was served inside the body of one of the mammoths [which he and his father excavated from the Hudson River Valley clay.]
Song: "Just the Way It Is, Baby" by The Rembrandts

Realm: Christianity is Stupid
Subrealm: I Kick Ass for the Lord!
Question: In 1925, the Archbishop of Naples explained a then-recent earthquake. What was his explanation.
Answer: God was angry with the new short skirts, which reached no further than the knee.
Song: "Hot Legs" by Rod Stewart

Realm: Celebertiy deaths
Subrealm: OK, he wasn't THAT famous
Question: Ted, a rooster known as the forecasting fowl, was able to predict the outcome of sporting events, indicating his picks by pecking at appropriate kernels of corn. Until his death in 1994, he had an approximate 74% accuracy rate peaking at 88% with respect to the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament. What was he doing when he died?
Answer: Watching "The Young & The Restless"
Song: Theme from "The Young & The Restless" by Sounds of Sunshine

Realm: Henry Kissinger
Subrealm: I'm missin' ya'...
Question: Everybody who was severely depressed by the lack of Henry Kissinger in their lives had their woes assuaged for three days in 1991. Kissinger, the man with "nicer legs than Hitler, and bigger tits than Cher," appeared three times on a television program that year, performing what function?
Answer: He was a weather forecaster
Song: "It's Rainin' Men" by the Weathergirls

Realm: The Boys in Blue
Subrealm: Garden State Style
Question: You are one of Maplewood, New Jersey's finest. As you are arresting a dangerous perpetrator, you are constantly badgered by young children, whom you expend all your energy shooing away. What motive do the little tykes have for mobbing you?
Answer: The Maplewood P.D. prints up trading cards with the officers' pictures, and the kids get the cars as well as signatures from the officers themselves.
Song: "911 is a Joke" by Duran Duran

Realm: Cynthia's Questions
Subrealm: But they're about her own flippin' university
Question: Why can University of Chicago librarians work in the basement of the main library for only a few month out of the year?
Answer: Because the library is built on top of where they did the Manhattan Project and the place is radioactive.
Song: "Manhattan Project" by Rush

Realm: Pain!
Subrealm: Whatever gets you through the day
Question: Late last year Daniel Vogler, a 51 year-old Texas schoolteacher, offered to receive the caning that Michael Fay was sentenced to receive in Singapore. However, Vogler made one stipulation in his rather generous request. What was it?
Answer: Fay had to be there to watch
Song: "Big Freak" by Betty Davis

Realm: Cat Flaps
Subrealm: Jeff thinks this question is hysterical
Question: Gunther Burpus, 41, of Bremen, Germany, tried to get into his house using the cat flap because he had lost his keys. Of course, he became stuck halfway in. Student pranksters, seeing Burpus stuck in the door, pulled down his pants and underwear, painted his buttocks blue, and stuck a daffodil between his fleshy cheeks. It was two days before anyone called the police, despite Burpus' regular screams for help. Why didn't anyone pay attention?
Answer: They thought it was performance art (some threw coins).
Song: "Sensitive Artist" by King Missile

Realm: Do we have too many TV questions yet?
Subrealm: No, Better watch some Nick at Nite
Question: "Welcome Back, Kotter" was cool, says Rich. Some say he's right. Still others revel in his mystique. The rest of us wonder what, on "Welcome Back, Kotter" did Arnold Horschak claim his last name meant?
Answer: The cows are dying
Song: "Eat Steak" by The Reverend Horton Heat

Realm: Cars
Subrealm: When life gives you lemons...
Question: Becuase of Henry Ford's business acumen, he rejected the original name thought up by Marianne Moore for one of his cars. The name he went with has since become associated with absolute failure -- the Edsel -- while it is definite that Ms. Moore's suggested nme, while applied to the same car, would have never have achieved such infamy. What was this bizarre name?
Answer: Utopian Turtletop
Song: "Turtle Wax" by Infectious Grooves

Realm: Cool English Things
Subrealm: Oh Crikey!
Question: We like Dangermouse. No, you don't understand, we REALLY like Dangermouse. In particular, we're fond of that adorable yet dashing little rodent, Penfold. As we learn in the introduction of one episode of this jewel among Western accomplishments, Penfold was once honored as 3rd runner-up of something. What exactly was this award for?
Answer: The Penfold Look-Alike Contest
Song: "My Evil Twin" by They Might Be Giants

Realm: Bonding experiences
Subrealm: I guess it builds morale...
Question: It's been a tradition in the Russian space program ever since Yuri Gagarin was the first human being in space. All people to go up in a Russian rocket, whether male or female, Russian or American, have done this. And it's not about to stop any time soon. What is this tradition?
Answer: Everyone must urinate on the wheel of the bus that brings you out to the rocket in which you are being launched.
Song: "Mello Yello" by Donovan

Realm: Peer Health, the Middle Eastern way
Subrealm: Well, it's safe, but...
Question: In the mid-80's, a guerilla movement in Turkey decided to cause a little upheaval, as guerilla movements are wont to do. Because of their propaganda campaign, legions of Turkish women flocked to clinics to have their IUDs, which were implanted for free, removed. How did the counter-culture miscreants achieve this effect?
Answer: The claimed that the government incorporated listening devices into them
Song: "Through the Walls" by The Bobs

Realm: More experiments on bunnies
Subrealm: Mary Kay suddenly looks better
Question: In March, a University of Pennsylvania radiologist told colleagues he had successfully sterilized all 17 rabbits in his experiments by squirting a substance into their fallopian tubes and said he would seek FDA approval to test his procedure on women. Name this mysterious material.
Answer: A variant of superglue
Song: "Narrow Canal" by Kittywinder

Realm: Unnatural Disasters
Subrealm: The Boston Teat Party revisited
Question: On January 15, 1919, a horrible disaster struck Boston's inner harbor area. When it was all over, the authorities were horrified to discover 21 dead, over 150 injured, and over $1 million in damage. What exactly was this terror that killed or injured so many Bostonians?
Answer: A molasses spill
Song: "Sticky Sweet" by Motley Crue

Realm: Crime
Subrealm: At least no one was hurt
Question: Ronald Haines, 36, of Chico, California, was arrested earlier this year for an activity which Haines claimed would grant him everlasting life. What was the supposedly life-extending activity?
Answer: He stole the ashes from cemeteries and then he snorted them and sprinkled them on his food. (When captured he had bags of rotting fruits and vegetables in his pockets -- he was waiting for the food to rot, then he was going to eat it as "homemade vitamins")
Song: "Sounds Great When You're Dead" by Robyn Hitchcock

Realm: Language
Subrealm: Logarithms
Question: Recently, semanticists have developed a rather odd language known as "E-Prime," which is a derivative of English. However, there is something very different about it. What is this difference?
Answer: E-Prime does not use any for of the verb "to be."
Song: "Yes I Am" by Melissa Etheridge

Realm: Jolt
Subrealm: Read the warning label
Question: A 1988 study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association revelaed that between 1985 and 1987 there were15 reported mishaps involving males at U.S. military installations abroad resulting in 3 deaths and 12 hospitalizations, all caused by the same thing. What happened to the valiant warriors?
Answer: Soda machines fell over on them
Song: "Six Broken Soldiers" by King's X

Realm: Famous Last WOrds, Pt. II
Subrealm: Fat People
Question: Everybody knows that, in Orson Welles' Citizen Kane, Charles Foster Kane's enigmatic last word, "Rosebud," turns out to be the name of a sled he owned as a child. However, there are TWO sleds given to Kane in the film. What is the name of the other one?
Answer: Crusader
Song: "Killing in the Name" by Rage Against the Machine

Realm: Your Cheatin' Heart
Subrealm: Well, not heart, exactly
Question: Feminism in Uruguay? Not a chance. If a woman is caught in the act, cheating on her husband, the husband has the right to kill both the wife and her lover. But he also has another option. What is it?
Answer: Slice off her nose and castrate her lover
Song: "Lyin' Ass Bitch" by Fishbone

Realm: The Law of Large Numbers
Subrealm: It ain't always that simple
Question: Judy Pruitt of Houston has six children with six different fathers. At this writing, Children's Services has taken away four of those children. Hearing that she was pregnant again, a Houston Post reporter asked her why she keeps having children. What was her response?
Answer: I have to keep replacing the ones they take.
Song: "The KKK Took My Baby Away" by The Ramones

Realm: People are still having sex
Subrealm: People that aren't us, that is
Question: This summer, a man named David Zarba of Denver, Colorado, was arrested. The charges of assault and disturbing the peace were filed by his wife. Why, you ask? Well, as it turns out, Mrs. Zarba was about to make love to her loving husband when he did something unexpected. She was expecting him to slather her with honey. What did he do instead?
Answer: He slathered her with varnish
Song: "Homo Erectus" by Kinky Friedman

Realm: Dear Abbie
Subrealm: No, the OTHER Abbie
Question: Abbie Hoffman, in an interview for a film documentary, shared a bit of his sage wisdom with us. According to ol' Abbie, it takes two months to do a certain thing. What?
Answer: Fill a milk jug with semen
Song: "Sweet Wine" by Cream

Realm: Playwrights
Subrealm: Sweet Bird of Youth
Question: We all know that Tennessee Williams had to deal with opinions about his sexuality. He had to start early, as his father, an Indian fighter, had a certain affectionate nickname for the boy. "Affectionate" in the sense of "permanently scarring," anyway. What was this nickname?
Answer: Miss Nancy
Song: "Lil' Nancy" by White Trash

Realm: So much for UN patrols
Subrealm: What IS a buffer zone, anyway?
Question: George Koutsonikolas, a Greek Cypriot, was arrested and jailed for three days for crossing the UN patrolled buffer zone onto the Turkish Cypriot side. Our question: Why was he trying to cross?
Answer: He was trying to deliver a pizza to a UN post in Nicosia
Song: "Young Turks" by Rod Stewart

Realm: Annoying Neighbors
Subrealm: Harvey's doing WHAT?
Question: In London, Ernest and Frances Haskins complained in a British court that a certain activity occurring in a neighbor's flat was keeping them awak at night. Their neighbor, Joyce Hatley, agreed to build a garden shed in order to muffle the noise. What was making all that racket?
Answer: Her rabbits were making too much noise mating.
Song: "Transportation Pants" by Bunnygrunt

Realm: The Spread of Democracy
Subrealm: ...and culture, I guess
Question: With the downfall of the Soviet Union, all sorts of decadent Western Stuff has invaded the Russian motherland. McDonalds', strip clubs, street-corner Leninimpersonators, and, of course, American television. What show bridged the gap by becoming the first American series broadcast in the Soviet Union?
Answer: "Fraggle Rock"
Song: "Rock the World" by Nichelle Nichols

Realm: Curel and Unusual Punishment
Subrealm: No loophole is THAT big
Question: In March of 1993, Anthony Yokley, serving a 10 year sentence for counterfeiting in Colorado, tried to appeal his sentence claiming that what aspect of his sentence :impermissibly enhanced" his punishment?
Answer: The fact that the sentence included three leap years (i.e., three extra days of incarceration)
Song: "I Did Time" by Luka Bloom

Realm: Marriage
Subrealm: The tie that binds
Question: Yes, many wedding anniversaries have odd gifts that go with them. Whcih gifts are associated with the eighth anniversary?
Answer: Copper or electrical appliances
Song: "Electric Avenue" by Eddie Grant

Realm: Fear
Subrealm: Who's Sorry Now?
Question: Olga Frankevich hadn't been seen in her home village of Vishneve in the Ukraine since she fled from the Soviet secret police in 1947. She suddenly reappeared in Vishneve in December of 1993. Where had she been for 45 years?
Answer: She spent it under her bed, in hiding.
Song: "Try to Find Me" by Gorky Park

Realm: Deconstructionism
Subrealm: Hardware stores
Question: Beaver, Oklahoma, is the site of what annual World Championship contest?
Answer: World Championship Cow Chip Throwing Contest
Song: "Life Classes/Life Model" by The Auteurs

Realm: Painting
Subrealm: Now *that's* dedication!
Question: Some artisans performed wondrous feats. Some used methods that were less than envious. A Chinese artist named Huang Erhnan was such an artist. He painted beautiful designs on silk cloth., What was different about his method of painting?
Answer: He used his tongue as a brush.
Song: "Lick It Up" by Kiss

Realm: Bond
Subrealm: James Bond
Question: By now everyone knows that the latest addition to the immortal Bond serires, Goldeneye, was pretty cool. However, just what exactly is the significance of the title "Goldeneye" for real aficionados of Bond mythos?
Answer: It's the name of Fleming's island home (where he wrote most of the stories)
Song: "Secret Agent Man" by DEVO

Realm: Propaganda
Subrealm: Those darned Maoists!
Question: The Chinese Communist Party has long been famous for its propagandist slogans. Past slogans have included "Long Live Chairman Mao" nad "Power Grows Out of the Barrel of a Gun." What is the current Chinese Communist Party's slogan?
Answer: Don't Worry, Be Happy
Song: "Happiness is a Warm Gun" by The Breeders

Realm: Bottoms up!
Subrealm: What great tail feathers!
Question: In 1978 Donald Duck's comic strip was banned in Finland. Why?
Answer: Because he and Daisy were never married.
Song: "The Finalnd Song" by Monty Python

Realm: When the Cat's Away...
Subrealm: The Mice will "Get it On"
Question: James Scott of Fowler, Illinois, wanted to have affairs, party, and generally "get down" with his bad self during the summer of 1993. The only problem was, he had to make sure his wife wouldn't be able to get home to catch him. What was his creative solution to this dilemma?
Answer: He sabotaged a levee on the Mississippi River in order to flood strategic areas.
Song: "You Part the Waters" by Cake

Realm: High Drama
Subrealm: Better than Marge Simpson in "Oh, Streetcar!"
Question: The theatre scene in Hong Kong is booming right now, and many Chinese adaptations of American theatre classics are being staged. However, they don't have things quite right. One example of this is their production of "Woman in a Rich House With a Lot to Complain About." What is the original title of this well-known American play, and what do they do in the production in Hong Kong that would get your funding ripped away by the NEA?
Answer: "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof"; they have actors in balckface portraying the servants
Song: "Cool Cat" by Queen

Realm: The Voyeur in All of Us
Subrealm: Honey, Edith and Carl are at it again!
Question: One day a few decades ago, Edith Shain and Carl Muscarello got caught up in the action and decided to share a little personal moment. Chances are, we've actually all seen them doing so. What exactly were the circumstances of Edith and Carl's little experience?
Answer: They're the nurse and sailor kissing in the famous picture of VJ day
Song: "Turning Japanese" by Liz Phair

Realm: Just Like One of those Burt Reynolds Trucker Flicks
Subrealm: But even better...No Burt Reynolds!
Question: In June, an 18-wheeler overturned after hitting a truck near Kansas City, MO. What was the truck carrying that caused cleanup to be so horrific?
Answer: 30,000 pounds of JIF peanut butter
Song: "She Doesn't Use Jelly" by The Flaming Lips

Realm: Honesty in Advertising
Subrealm: Maybe Madison Avenue could learn something...
Question: Mark Grodi, a homeless veteran living in Denver, wasn't having much luck with his "Will Work for Food" sign, and decided to change it. After changing his approach his collections went up from twenty dollars to thirty dollars and some passers-by even brought him gifts. What new six word phrase did Grodi go to?
Answer: Why lie? I want a beer. (The gifts were six-packs)
Song: "Demon Alcohol" by Ozzy Osbourne

Realm: Truth is stranger than fiction
Subrealm: TRIVIA is stranger than truth
Question: You've seen the articles in The National Enquirer detailing animals born with human faces, and humans who grew horns, etc. Well, in January a boy named Doug Pritchard, in North Carolina, went to the doctor because of a pain. Where was this pain, and what was its cause?
Answer: In his foot -- a tooth was growing out of it (because of genetic misdirecting)
Song: "Mouthful of Pennies" by Toenut

Realm: Actuarial tables
Subrealm: I don't wanna set the tables AGAIN!!!
Question: Henry H. Bliss, a 68-year old real estate broker, has the unfortunate honor of being remembered as number one. For what is he remembered?
Answer: He was the first person to die as a result of a car accident
Song: "Motorist" by Jawbox

Realm: Censorship
Subrealm: Is no one safe?
Question: In 1993 Arkansas Governor Jim Guy Tucker vetoed a bill that would have encouraged schoolteachers to use what publication in their classrooms, claiming that it contained "bizarre polemics on religious and political positions, as well as excerpts from other documents, that Arkansas parents would be startled and appalled to have foisted upon their children -- particularly in the lower grades"?
Answer: The Congressional Record
Song: "E Pluribus Unum" by Material