FOX TV

The FOX Network sitcoms have almost everything that a growing T.V. fan needs. Almost everything, but not quite. If you are lucky enough to subscribe to a FOX channel that happens to purchase the sydicated "Star Trek: The Next Generation," as we are in Billsville, then you now have what the FDA terms: "a radically balanced T.V. diet." So all you easy-chair captains, Bartman fans, and those who wish "Babes" would come back on the air; sit back, relax, and enjoy this FOX 23 super bonus. Remember, the first half of this one's for Gene. He made it great.

STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION

1. What is the Picard Manuver?

   In the only known defense of the Picard Manuver, how is the ship detected?

2. Even before his reoutfitting by the Borg, Jean-Luc Picard had some man-made hardware in him. What equipment does he have, and why did he require it?

3. On two occasions, crew members of the Enterprise have fallen in love with holographic simulations. Which crew members, and describe the programs that they fell in love with.

4. In an episode startlingly like an "old-Trek" episode, a virus invades the Enterprise that has similar effects to ethyl alcohol in humans. What was Lt. Cmdr. Data's response when a scantily-clad Lt. Yar asked him if he was programmed for sexual relations?

5. Speaking of cool quotes from Lt. Cmdr. Data, what did he say to the human colonists he was evacuating from a planet flooded with hyperonic radiation, after he took out all of their guards, but before he blew up their entire aquaduct system with a hand phaser?

6. Dr. Beverly Crusher fell in love with a dashing Federation arbitrator who turned out to be a symbiotic organism living in a human host body. The human host body fell ill and had to be replaced. In this un-politically correct finale, why did Dr. Crusher feel that she would not be able to continue with her relationship once the symbiant was in the final host body?

7. What is the sash that Lt. Worf wears over his Federation uniform?

8. Who piloted the Enterprise's saucer section in the final battle against the Borg?

   What did the spokesperson for the Borg call himself, and who was he really?

9. What class of Starship is the Enterprise, and what is its enumeration?

10. What ex-"Saturday Night Live" cast member appeared on the holodeck to try to teach Lt. Cmdr. Data how to tell a joke?

11. What one actor or actress has had the most separate roles on both "Star Trek" series, and what are the roles?

12. Avoiding a few Temporal Plot Holes, at least three cast members from the original "Star Trek" have appeared on "The Next Generation" in their original roles. Name the cast members and their roles.

13. When Commander Riker is stranded on an alien planet without his communicator, he is discovered to be human while undergoing treatment at a hospital. The nurse agrees to let him go on one condition. What is it, and what is her reasoning behind the request?

14. In an episode entitled "Justice", Wesley Crusher teaches baseball to a planet of scantily clad people. However, he accidentally commits a crime and is sentenced to death. What is the crime that Wesley commits?

15. What is the Ferengi equivalent of the Federation's Prime Directive?

    What is the best way to lull a Ferengi into sexual complacency?

    What is the traditional dress of Ferengi females?

16. When Lt. Cmdr. Data took control of the Enterprise to travel to his home planet, how did the rest of the crew figure out that the ship had dropped out of Warp speed?

17. The crotchety, old Dr. Pulaski shared a similar aversion to one modem technology with Dr. McCoy of the older Enterprise. Which technology?

18. In the first episode with Luaxana Troi, Deanna's mother brought with her a giant servant (later appearances on "Twin Peaks") that did not speak at all until the end of the episode. What was the only line the giant spoke to the crew of the Enterprise?

    In the same episode, what did the giant do every time someone took a bite of food?

19. Some Enterprise officers have favorite pastimes that they enjoy on the ship's holodecks. For each crewman, please indicate what these activities are:

    1. Lt. Worf:

    2. Captain Picard (2):

    3. Chief O'Brien:

    4. Lt. Barklay:

       What is the name of Captain Picard's Private Eye alter ego?

    5. Please explain briefly how it is that Lt. Tasha Yar died childless in the first season, but actually has an evil, half-Romulan daughter that is full grown in this season.

    6. On Deanna Troi's advice, what is the first food that Q ever ate?

       What gift did Q give to Lt. Cmdr. Data?

       In the first episode,"Encounter at Far Point",what did Q do to Captain Picard?

       In the same episode, what was wrong with the site on which the Federation chose to build an outpost?

    7. What crew member was brainwashed in a "Clockwork Orange"-type episode where he/she was forced to watch images of horror and violence?

       How was he/she forced to watch these images?

       What were the Romulans trying to force this crewperson to do?

    8. What is the highest rank that a human crewmember from the Enterprise has reached on a Klingon war ship?

       Who was it, and how did he/she obtain this rank?

       Upon reaching this rank, the crew member communicated with the Enterprise. What did he/she tell the Enterprise to do? (a one-word answer will suffice)

    9. Please indicate the name of the cast member from Star Trek's "The Next Generation" that corresponds to his/her previous work:

       1. Roots:

       2. Stand By Me:

       3. Shakespearian stage acting:

       4. Granddaughter of Bing:

       5. L.A. Law:

       6. The A-Team:

       7. Spotted (and confirmed) in Colonial Pizza this summer by drunken Williams students:

          We have all had our fill of the Big Three networks, so we were excited at the prospect of the upstart Fox Network, with its promise of innovative programs and fresh faces. As frequently happens, not all Hollywood dreams come true, and not all new TV shows are good, or even palatable. A large number of FOX's shows have fared badly. In this Hour Bonus, we take you on a historical journey through FOX TVLAND. Those among you who are true couch potatoes will do well, the rest will muddle through, much like the FOX network.

          Section I: The Classics

          "The Simpsons"

          1. When Bart and Lisa proved that Krusty the Klown could not have robbed the convenience store, what three clues did they use, and how did those clues prove his innocence?

          2. When Marge almost had the affair with the bowling instructor, what present did he give her?

          3. When Homer ate bad sushi and thought he had only a day to live, he spent that day settling accounts with his family, boss, etc. At the end of the day, after being "intimate" with Marge, he went downstairs and sat down with a special tape in his Walkman. What was the tape, and who was the "artist" on the tape?

          4. Name the big-time star who provided each of the listed guest voices:

             1. The psycho babysitter who was featured on "America's Most Armed and Dangerous"?

             2. Homer's long-lost brother?

             3. Lisa's favorite substitute teacher?

             4. Homer's male secretary?

             5. The elderly next door neighbor that Bart does yard work for to earn money for a comic book?

             6. Voice of Bart as an adult?

             7. The original Sideshow Bob?

             8. Who was Marge's favorite Beatle? (Hint: she sent him a portrait she'd painted)

             9. When Bart tried to emulate his favorite daredevil he, of course, injured himself. The doctor who treats him brings the whole family on a tour of the hospital ward where they keep the children who have been injured trying out stunts shown on TV. Marge is shocked that "TV could cause such harm to children." (or something like that). What is the doctor's reply?

             10. What was the first plot of the "Itchy and Scratchy" cartoon after Marge's protest caused the elimination of violence in cartoons?

             11. In one episode, Bart buys a rare copy of the first issue of the comic book "Radioactive Man" for $100 with two friends. Alas, he and his friends learn the destructive power of greed when they cannot share the comic book. However, one of his friends did not want to buy the book; what did he want instead?

             12. What are all of the ingredients in a "Krusty the Klown" sandwich?

             "Married With Children"

             1. After being dumped by Steve, next-door neighbor Marcy went through a series of trials with men before being remarried this past season. Unfortunately, she has no recollection of the marriage, as she was drunk when it happened. How did Marcy discover she was married, and what was her new last name?

             2. During Marcy's attempts to find male companionship, she began going to a dance hall. One night she brought Peg, and Peg began a platonic, dancing relationship with a man. His spouse was not happy, and complained to Al. What was the somewhat unique nature of this marriage, and what other Fox show did the two actors portraying the other couple appear on?

             3. What class did Peg have to pass to get her diploma, and what was her final exam?

             4. In the episode when Al buys a new car, what vehicle does he end up getting?

             5. After Al's Uncle Stymie's will stated that the first Bundy male to father a male child, in wedlock, named Stymie, would receive all his money, Bud was understandably interested in the money. He attempted to get many girls to marry him, but none would. When he asked Kelly what more a girl could want than a lifetime with Bud, she gave him three options. What were they?

             "In Living Color"

             1. What was Homey the Clown's female parole officer's name?

             2. What kind of dog is the new Lassie?

             Section II. Gone But Not Forgotten

             This section deals with those shows that have had "limited runs" on FOX, and have subsequently gone on permanent "hiatus." As we all know, if you're canceled by FOX, especially before your first season is over, you must really suck. Here now, is the pantheon of FOX badness.

             "Good Grief"

             1. What was the premise of this show?

             2. What actor was brought in to save the show?

             "Yearbook"

             1. At what school is the documentary set?

             2. What is different about the school's starting hockey goalie?

             3. The show premiered highlighting two very different tales about high school life; what were they?

             "Top of the Heap"

             1. What is the Verducci Master Plan?

             2. Of what is the show a spin-off?

             3. What is Charlie Verducci's occupation?

             4. What is the cat's name?

             "Babes"

             1. What are the three sisters' names?

             2. In the premiere episode, the youngest sister lost her job, but got another one quickly; what was it?

             3. What does the middle sister do for a living?

             4. When the middle sister met Rick the rib joint owner's mother for the first time, they didn't get along. What problem did they have when they first met?

             Section III: The Late Great Shows

             This section deals with shows that have been cancelled by FOX, but not before they have had some critical success and a loyal following of fans. These shows weren't necessarily bad, just mistimed.

             "The Tracy Ullman Show"

             Tracy would very often add music to her sketches that would add an ironic twist to the sketch. Below we briefly describe three sketches, please name the song that was included in each of them:

             1. In one sketch, Tracy plays an anal retentive English banker that has been having lunch at the same restaurant, on the same day of the week, served by the same waiter, for most of her life. In the sketch, the waiter is retiring, and he angrily berates her for her mistreatment of him over the years. She is touched, and sings a song to show her true feelings of respect for the waiter; name the song.

             2. In a wedding sketch, Tracy plays a woman from Poland whose marriage to an American has been arranged. She wears black at the wedding and continually flogs herself with a whip during the reception. Naturally, her husband is concerned that she is not a fun person, and threatens to break up the marriage. To show her husband she can be fun, she sings a song; name it.

             3. Finally, in a very British sketch, Tracy plays one half of a tea-tasting team. She and her male partner have been working together, in this quality control area, for many years, tasting and then spitting out the teas made by their company. On the day of the sketch, they finally admit they have romantic feelings for one another and sing a duet to celebrate their love, all the while tasting and spitting out tea. What is the song they sing?

             "Duet"

             1. When Laura went on a cooking show to promote her new catering business, how did she manage to embarass herself completely?

             2. In one episode, Laura and Ben went to dinner for the first time at Linda and Richard's. During the evening, Linda took Laura for a tour of the house. When they were alone, Linda wanted to get closer by sharing secrets. What were both Linda's and Laura's secrets that they shared?

             3. What was Ben's occupation?

             4. What was Ben's dog's name?

             5. Where did Ben and Richard go to college?

             6. This show wasn't really cancelled, it faded away until it was a completely different show. What was the name of the new show?

                "Beverly Hills, 90210"

                1. Brandon and Brenda Walsh, the twins who move to the above area, missed their SATS. Why?

                2. They, of course, make up the tests and receive their scores in a later episode. What was different about their scores?

                3. Of all their group of friends, Brandon and Brenda seem to have the only well-adjusted home lives, mainly because they have the only stable parents. For each of the friends below, list the problem(s) with their parents.

                   1. Kelly--

                   2. Steve--

                   3. Dylan--
                   4. What happened after Brandon's second experience with tequila?

                   5. Where does Brandon work?

                   6. As is par for TV shows about teenagers, the members of the cast of "90210" are well past high school. Who is the only member of the cast who was still a teenager during the show's first season?

                      Who is her real-life famous father?

                   7. The host for the show is John Walsh, who was chosen because his own life had been touched by violent crime, and the case had been highly publicized. What was the case?

                   8. What was the type of expensive sneaker that Lester wanted to buy?

                   9. When Katie brought home her overly eco-sensitive boyfriend, he obviously wouldn't eat meat. But he also wouldn't eat broccoli-- why?

                   10. When Lester reads "The Autobiography of Malcolm X," he decides to chance his name. What does he change it to?

                   "Parker Lewis Can't Lose"

                   1. What do Parker's parents do for a living?

                   2. What is Frank's position at Santo Domingo High?

                   3. Who slimed Ms. Musso with green Jell-O during her senior year in high school?

                   4. When Ms. Musso and Dr. Pankow were having their brief romance, where did they go for a romantic picnic?

                   5. On the last day of school, Parker couldn't seem to do anything right. How was the day redeemed?

                   "Get a Life"

                   1. What was Chris' original goal when he got his paper route at 13?

                   2. What famous American sitcom did the actress who plays Mrs. Peterson appear on?

                   3. When Chris had a near-death experience and returned to earth with the power to see into the future, what recurring vision haunted him, and what did the vision really fortell?

                   4. In the premiere episode, Chris drags his best friend to the amusement park for an illicit day of fun. How does the day go wrong?