MEET THE TEAM

PHASERS ON STUN: THE NEXT GENERATION (shown on two facing helmets)

LAST SEASON'S CHAMPIONSHIP SQUAD:

(A photo of eleven football players, circa 1905, was shown.)

From left to right:
(Standing) Todd "Papa Bear" Bedinotti; Gayle "Bronko" Gaddis; Slingin' Stevie Homer.
(Squatting) "Broadway Jon" Heck; Paul "Pop" Kahn; Neal "Greasy" Lindeman; Thomas "Terminator" Vitale; Wendi "Snake" Frasca; Tim "Too Tall' Swankey; Marc "Crazy Legs" Whinston; and Des "Refrigerator" Devlin.

NOT SHOWN: Dave "Knute" Ryan; Robin "Night Train" Zimmerman; and William "Hit Man" Hahn.

THIS YEAR'S OUTSTANDING RECRUITS: Mike "Weeb" Baratta; Lisa "Bear" Colangelo; "Iron Mike" Devlin; Michelle "Magic" Giordi; Shane "Giff" Guenego; Allison "Shorty" Inserro; Evan "Bubba' Kahn; Virgil "The Golden Boy" Lee; Richard "Punky QB" Levey; Melissa "Juice" Levine; Scott "The Rocket" Rigby; Bill "The Galloping Ghost" Schiano; Bob "Sweetness" Westervelt; and a unch of walk-ons who walked on just a little too late to make this program. Hut! Hut!

(NOTE: Not all of the "recruits" listed above actually made it to help us run, after all; others who DID show up didn't get their names listed. That's the way the pigskin plummets.)

In partnership with WCFM, Phasers on Stun: The Next Generation mass-distributed a double-sided 8x11 flyer to every SU Box as part of a reasonably extensive promotional campaign. A lot of their efforts went flying right out the window when a Thursday-into-Friday nor'easter prevented the team from getting to Williams on Friday, December 11th, or the quickly re-scheduled December 12th, either.

(Some out-of-town players DID make it through the ungodly weather, though. And when they arrived to a campus with loads of snow but no trivia, it spurred much talk of what would eventually become the Williams Trivia Listserver. Two such saps were honored at the eventual Baxter Hall awards.)

Luckily, there was enough residual awareness from the publicity campaign (plus a frantic re-postering binge) that the RE-re-scheduled date, Saturday, January 16th, drew the largest attendance (as estimated by Baxter turnout) since sometime back in the 1980's. However, neither Saturday nor January have been repeated since.

Here is the SU Box flyer.

The flyer had a handwritten border on all four sides reading, "CheersTheUncannyX-MenThisIsSpinalTapStarTrekMontyPython'sFlyingCircusTheisleofTongaCharlesMansonFrighteningTop40ClassicsGeorgeSteinbrennerTheSimpsonsBrookeShieldsTheBluesBrothersSchoolhouseRockThestoryofamannamedBradyWoodyAllenMilliVanilliRobintheBoyWonderYabbaDabbaDooFatherGuidoSarducciMookieWilsonGeorgeTheAnimalSteeleLlap-Goch."

A four-panel "Calvin and Hobbes" cartoon, showing Calvin in Miss Wormwood's class, was reprinted at the top.

Miss Wormwood: "Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did?"

Calvin (cheerily): "No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermo-Nuclear League of Liberty."

Miss Wormwood: "See me after class, Calvin."

Calvin (now downcast): "I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information."

WHAT'S the most FUN you can have this DECEMBER 11th, without the use of Philip-Michael Thomas records or other illegal stimulants? What will the cognoscenti of WILLIAMS College be doing from MIDNIGHT FRIDAY to 8 AM SATURDAY, while Joe and Jane Lunchbox creep 8 hours closer to the all-embracing stench of death? What contains unhealthy helpings of TV, movies, COMICS, sports and MUSIC-- but not a speck of cereal?

Why, you fool-- it's THE 57th SEMI-ANNUAL WILLIAMS TRIVIA CONTEST! Yes, for over a quarter of a century, undergrads galore (plus trivia-deranged alumni) have celebrated the last day of classes the fun way, the TRIVIA way!

**SO, WHAT DO YOU NEED?**

PLAYERS! The more brains you've got handy, the more likely you are to WIN! Plus, it can get lonesome around 4 AM when you're playing alone. Organize your trivia team NOW, form BIG trivia teams, and you can EAT smaller ones!

A RADIO! Set it to 91.9 FM for best results. Actually, even human company pales in importance, because without a radio, you'll almost never answer anything. At the stroke of midnight, trivia is on the air, thanks to Senor Marconi's brainstorm!

FOOD! After Colonial closes, you're on your own! Prepare ahead, and you won't be rooting through couch cushions for leftover Cheez Doodles later. Jolt Cola has helped many a team nail "Diff'rent Strokes" info at 6 AM.

SUPPLIES! You'll need at least one telephone, to call in answers to the eight trivia hotlines at the radio station. You'll need PENS, to write down answers. And you'll need TAPES, BOOKS, and other "research" material, so you won't actually have to KNOW answers! The Billboard Book of Top 40 Hits, any TV encyclopedias, and of course, the Leonard Nimoy LP catalogue are invaluable.

A TEAM NAME! Once you and your comrades are together, with radio, phone, etc., in a safe place to play all night, you'll need a monicker all your own. Any stupid reference will do, although the following have all been taken: "Freddie Mercury's Bohemian Mortuary," "Oxygen is for Losers," "Mummenschanz on the Highway at Night," and "Big Dog." Answer questions, rack up points,, and maybe YOUR stupid team name will do the 8 AM victory cha-cha. The winners get the ugly green trophy, cheap applause, and the chance to assemble the May 1993 trivia contest! And after all the hardships and nonsense you'll have to go through to win, you'll definitely be ready to inflict some trivial torture of your own!

SO, if you care what color Mr. Spock's blood is, if you believe that Phil Rizzuto is God, if you agree that the greatest song ever recorded is "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go"--- you MUST join the mayhem FRIDAY, DECEMBER 11th, for WILLIAMS TRIVIA! Like Socrates said, it's Trivia-riffic!

(This contest will be brought to you by people who have written for MAD Magazine, MTV's "Remote Control," the Harvard Lampoon, Games Magazine, "Pulse!," Nintendo video games, and "Turn-On Letters." Honest!)

TOO MANY WORDS MAKE YOUR HEAD HURT? NO PROBLEM! CHECK OUT THE 12-STEP PLAN FOR TRIVIA VICTORY!

1. ORGANIZE YOUR TEAM
   (Panel: Charlie Brown staring at Snoopy (in Red Baron gear), Marcie, and Peppermint Patty, who shouts, "Chuck! We're here! I told you we'd come, and we did!")

2. GET YOUR SUPPLIES READY
   (Panel: In school, Marcie is showering a discombobulated Peppermint Patty with papers, pencils, erasers, lunch, pads, a comb, and other debris, while screaming, "TAKE EVERYTHING I HAVE!")

3. AT MIDNIGHT, TUNE YOUR RADIO TO 91.9 FM.
   (Panel: Snoopy's brother Spike, alone in the desert, doing a dance while a radio plays music.)

4. WHEN ASKED, CALL IN WITH YOUR PECULIAR TEAM NAME.
   (Panel: A confused Charlie Brown standing, holding a telephone receiver, and wondering, "Peggy Fleming legs?")

5. ANSWER ALL OUR QUESTIONS.
   (Panel: Defiant Sally, making fists and yelling, "They can threaten me or beat me or torture me, but I'll never tell all I know! I don't care what they do to me, I'll never tell all I know!!")

6. IDENTIFY ALL OUR MUSIC.
   (Panel: Serene Lucy, reclining on Schroeder's piano, as the musical notes he plays hover in the air.)

7. COMPLETE EACH AND EVERY HOUR BONUS.
   (Panel: Thoughtful Snoopy atop his doghouse, holding a sheet of paper in one paw, a pencil in the other, and thinking, "Hmm.")

8. GO NUTS WHEN YOU PERFORM ACTION TRIVIA.
   (Panel: Crazed Snoopy, ears flapping, legs flying, thinking, "Why is everyone yelling? Why is everyone throwing things? What's going on?")

9. STAY AWAKE UNTIL 8 A.M. SATURDAY.
   (Panel: Snoopy with wool nightcap, lying in Charlie Brown's bed and staring at Charlie, who's snoring with a single "Z.")

10. SCORE THE MOST POINTS......
    (Panel: Woodstock saying, "X! IIIIIIII IIIIIIII IIIII!" and Snoopy (in floppy hat) saying, "Rats!")

11. ....AND WIN!
    (Panel: Charlie Brown with ecstatic expression, gripping his own chest and saying, "WOW!")

12. PRESTO! INSTANT FUN!
    (Panel: Devilish-looking Snoopy holding Linus' blanket while thinking, "This is going to be fun!" An irritated Linus shouts, "AND THIS ISN'T GOING TO BE FUN!")

    CLASSES ARE OVER-- FINALS ARE NEXT WEEK-- LIVE FOR THE MOMENT! TRIVIA IS FUNNY, FUN TO LISTEN TO, AND FUN-DAMENTALLY CRAZED! WE WANT FRESHMEN! WE WANT TRIVIA VIRGINS! WE WANT YOU! WIN BEST SMALL TEAM! WIN BEST FRESHMAN TEAM! WIN IT ALL! MIDNIGHT, FRIDAY, DECEMBER 11th, ON WCFM RADIO (91.9 FM)!