(To be made up spontaneously and frantically right before we go on air. It will, of course, be incredibly funny.)
(Cries of "Ado, ado, ado!")
And now, without further ado, we bring you the somewhat heralded, but already legendary, GIANT PYGMIES THEMSELVES, the gentlemen and ladies who have been heard to suggest the following guidelines for the upcoming conflict:
"Elegance, Clarity, and Wide Appeal-- and Extremely Funny." -- Greg Pliska
"Nah, let's really screw 'em!" -- Ted Benson
"Two realms! Monty Python, and Non-Monty Python!" -- Greg Smith
Yes, it's HERE! Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, Skyliners and highliters, highlifers and lowlife scum:
Welcome to the 37th semi-annual Williams College All-Night Championship Trivia Contest, brought to you courtesy of those marvels of modern mediocrity, the only all-alumni small team ever to win Williams Trivia, "The Giant Pygmies of Beckles!" (2)
Now for the reading of the rules. We read a question, and play a song over the air. You, in turn, call us during the song under some ridiculous team name. You get one point for the question's answer, and another point for the song's title and artist. Occasionally there will be three-point plays in which the question will have a multiple-part answer, the complete answer getting two points, plus one for the music. Sometimes the song and question will even be related to each other in some obscure way. Every hour, there will be an Hour Bonus worth 15 points for the complete bonus. There will also be two Super Bonuses, each worth 35 points, which will each be due after EXACTLY four hours. In addition, there will be some Action Trivia, each worth up to 3 pts. normally, with an outstanding performance garnering 4 pts., and the "Ted Benson-level" willingness to permanently injure oneself getting the extremely rare 5 pts. (3) (Props, spirit, and accuracy help.) There will also be one Ultra bonus question. More about that later. If you get more points overall than anyone else, you win! Then you get to run the next contest-- and torture innocent civilians with YOUR questions!
If your team is using one or two phones tonight, you are a SMALL team, regardless of the number of people you have. BIG teams are any team with three or more phones. Small teams can call in answers over any lines, but big teams may NOT use small team numbers.
Phone "jamming" will result in substantial point penalties-- if you clog up the phones after or during your answer calls, we will not be at all pleased and will take punitive action.
Finally, there is a two-hour deadline for scoring complaints; that is, we will not track down any score discrepancies more than two hours old. (4)
The numbers to call are: (Six general numbers, two Small Team numbers, and two Hour Bonus Hint Line numbers were read, twice.)
Hour Bonus lines will open two minutes after the bonus has been presented. If you are unable to call in your Hour Bonus answers by the deadline, you have a five-minute grace period to run them into Baxter. (5)
In case of an extreme emergency, the Pus Line is 597-2197. Answers given over the Pus line will not be counted.
You will know that you've reached us when the phone is answered by a crazed Giant Pygmy loudly muttering, "Stig!"
The first Super Bonus, due at 4 AM sharp, is now available here in the basement of Baxter Hall. So, by way of the back door, please come in and pick up the first Super Bonus, and get your tape recorders ready for the first Hour Bonus. (6)
And now for something completely different: a man with three buttocks.
("We did that one!")
Oh, well, then-- the first question.
NOTES:
(1) It was, in fact, the 41st contest. For unknown reasons, no team in the 1980s seemed able to get the actual number of their contest straight, although the Pygmies were the rare squad that under-numbered theirs.
(2) Since most of the Pygmies did not enter Williams until 1981 or later, it is understandable that they slighted the team known first as The Pros From Dover, then Grape Nehi. This squad won both the Winter 1979 and 1980 contests, each time as a small all-alum team. (As Grape Nehi, they comprised just eight players while doing so.) So Pygmies is either the second or the third team to achieve this, depending on criteria. Also, theirs was the 41st Williams Trivia Contest.
(3) It wouldn't be long before teams decided that they couldn't wait around until Ted chose to injure himself. See Injuring Ted Benson for the grotesque details.
(4) Big talk. But at 8 AM, without any complaints, Giant Pygmies tracked down pretty much the whole damn contest, resulting in a long and nervous wait for results. They then made the notorious announcement of the Bombing-Caffeine tie score, saying they had checked the scores and the math multiple times, so all debate was useless.
(5) With all the talk of phone jamming, the very worst tie-ups and busy signals occurred with the Hour Bonus Hint Lines, an element that has since vanished from contest play. As the description here indicates, the two operators would actually take your Hour Bonus answers over the phone, tell you which questions your team hadn't gotten, and give hints. (If that seems wonderful, consider this. There were even contests in the 1970s when representatives of the running team would travel to each team location to PICK UP bonuses!)
The top teams soon learned that it was a good idea to call the bonus lines almost immediately, before they'd read through the bonus questions, even. The simplest reason was logistical. It was easy to get through at 10 minutes past the hour; at 10 minutes to, with every team scrambling, opportunities were atrocious. Also, the closer it got to "time's up," the more curt the hints became, and the more quickly the operators would shuttle callers off, to open up the line for other teams. With no such crunch 45 minutes before the deadline, conversation was more leisurely, hints were freer. Another small factor that reinforced large team dominance, since not every team could spare a player for friendly Hint Line chatter. Of course, "schmoozing the phone person" as a key trivia skill lives on.
(6) Now exclusively the province of audio boni, teams had to tape record more boni in the 1970's and 80's. All-written-question Hour Boni would sometimes be read aloud over the air during this era and previous. This practice subsided even before the age of 150-question Hour Boni which, if read orally, would allow time for about six regular questions and songs in between.