| Place | Score | Name |
|---|---|---|
| 1st | 314 | I Say It's Duck Season, and I Say "Fire!" |
| 2nd | 251 | I've Got Spain Up My Nose |
| 3rd | 241 | We Will Bring The Limp And Beaten Body of Bob Barker |
| 4th | 231 | So Many Cats, So Few Recipes |
| 5th | 197 | Brutally Sodomized By A Panda |
| 6th | 153 | We Who Are About To Rock Salute You |
| 7th | 99 | Soulless Minions Of Orthodoxy ` |
| 8th | 80 | Speedball Blowjob |
| 9th | 78 | The Manhattan Skyliners |
| 10th | 72 | "Bear Meister!" "Bunny Boy!" "Antler Guy!" |
| 11th | 68 | Badgers? We Don't Need No Stinky Badgers! |
| 12th | 54 | Tuned To The Frequency Of Evil |
| 13th | 43 | BOMO |
| 14th | 25 | My Anaconda Don't Want None, Unless It's Got Funyuns |
| 15th | 23 | I Believe You Have My Stapler |
| 16th | 20 | Snood-Wearing Buccaneers |
| 16th | 20 | The Tasmanian Treebiters Of The North |
| 18th | 18 | Free Erubiel Durazo! |
| 19th | 17 | Marry Me, David Duchovny |
| 20th | 16 | I've Got B.J. Down My Pants |
| 21st | 13 | Jimmy, My Ass Hurts |
| 22nd | 11 | I Smell A Tony |
| 23rd | 9 | Team Squishy Cow |
| 24th | 8 | Blues Brothers |
| 25th | 6 | I Hate Grapes, All Kinds of Grapes, I Hate Green Grapes, I Hate Purple Grapes, I Hate Grapes with Seeds, I Hate Grapes Without Seeds, I Hate Them Peeled and Unpeeled, I Hate Them Individually, in Bunches and in Small Groups of Twos and Threes, I Fucking Hate Grapes! |
| 26th | 5 | Mike's Mechanical Pencil |
| 26th | 5 | Rude Cider |
| 26th | 5 | John Bryk Is A Mewling, Teary-Eyed Mama's Boy |
| 30th | 4 | I Wonder What Else I'm Repressing? |
| 30th | 4 | @m 31it3!!! GIve m3 \/\/@rez, d00dz! |
| 32nd | 3 | Will Bring You The Bleeding, Battered Body Of Bob Galloway |
| 33rd | 2 | Is The Question Asked, "Is Our President Learning?" |
| 33rd | 2 | James' Soul Is Black, Black Like My Coffee |
| 33rd | 2 | 2 pts. The Sweetest Supergroup Evah! |
| 33rd | 2 | My Biter |
| 33rd | 2 | Tell Me You're One of Those People Who Thinks That Because a Drop of Water Fell on the Ocean 10,000 Years Ago and a Butterfly Farted in India That We're Here Now Drinking Coffee That Tastes Like Goat Piss... |
| 33rd | 2 | I Know Matt Luedke Is Talking, But All His Words Are Nonsense To Me |
| 33rd | 2 | Best Move Fast, Matt Luedke, The Reaper Will Take The Rest Of Your Hair |
| 33rd | 2 | Kim Cleland Needs To Finish Vet School |
| 33rd | 2 | Pasty Wuss |
| 33rd | 2 | Adam Bloom is Conspicuously Absent. Please Help Locate Adam Bloom. He is Absent, Absent, Absent. |
| 33rd | 2 | For The Love Of God And All That Is Holy, My Anus Is Bleeding |
| 33rd | 2 | You Will Never Have Sex, And If You Do It Will Be Yucky |
| 33rd | 2 | Just Remember: If You Fail Your Thesis, You Can Avoid Gourdness |
| 33rd | 2 | Dave Ramos is My Lord and Savior; I Shall Not Want |
| 33rd | 2 | Weapon Of Choice |
| 33rd | 2 | Thank Goodness Chris Warren Didn't Write Any Of These Boni |
| 33rd | 2 | Scott Canty is Not Only a Sally, He is Also Not Punctual |
| 51st | 1 | Sex |
| 51st | 1 | Josh Is Still Living Under A Rock |
| 51st | 1 | Wonder What Else I'm Repressing? |
| 51st | 1 | Yo, Teapot, Teapot, Yo, Teapot |
| 51st | 1 | Oh My God, Elmer Gantry |
| 51st | 1 | Rich Flynn? |
| 51st | 1 | Jason, I Got Root |
| 58th | -65,535 | Java is typesafe, so this will never happen |
When the competitive side of a contest devolves into this much of a bludgeoning, examining the details is somewhat like combing the Bikini atoll after the H-bomb blast, to see whether there are any pretty seashells lying around.
Duck Season's 63-point win fell 2 points short of the all-time margin of victory. (Leave the Gun, Take the Cannolis romped by 65 in 1988.) There's little point in dissecting where things went right for Duck Season. If they had not handed in a single bonus from 4:00am on, they still would have won by double digits.
Even by Williams Trivia standards (now there's an oxymoron), Duck Season was an old team. Probably no championship team has ever featured so many players over the age of 35.
Just because the Ducks contained 3 or 4 first-time players hardly mitigated its unholy conglomeration of Ted Benson, Des Devlin, and Dom Grillo, who between them represented around one hundred contests played; Spring 2001 was Benson's 7th win, Grillo's 8th, and Devlin's 10th.
Along with Ted came all the other Python regulars and associates (many with 7-8 wins in their pockets), including Rob, Raf, Dan, Andy, Helen, Greg, etc. As a separate entity, the Pythons' most recent victory had been a decade earlier, in 1991. Rich, Kim, Eric, and Steve (the latter fresh off his "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire" appearance) were playing with Dom and Des once again. As a group, they'd racked up several 1990s titles, including Motherduckers (12/99), Holes in Teeth (5/96), Primitive Skills (5/94), and Phasers: TNG (5/92). (And they'd teamed up with 3 distinct groups of players while doing so.) A third segment of Duck Season was made up of the "Boston Puzzlers," an M.I.T. contingent who'd been associated with some of the Pythonfolk for a contest or two.
Enough of those sad, lengthy resumes. Far fresher faces could be found on 2nd-place Spain Up My Nose. Spain was the undergrad chunk of the previous contest's runner-ups, Steve's Mom. (The other half of Steve's Mom was the Rich-Kim-Eric-Steve-Paul-Des-Dom gang!) This semester, they looked much less wrinkly. The following December, they would finish in 2nd place AGAIN, making it 3 contests in a row as runners-up.
Third place Bob Barker represented a large faction of previous Winter 2000 hosts The Funk of 40,000 Years, primarily the folks who trace their lineage back to Elvis Needs Boats/Tupperware. It's been noted that this squad has a "win-host-coast" tendency. Did we say "tendency"? Try ironclad decree. In fact, only once since 1994 has this team played two contests in a row without winning. But they've never won twice in a row. However, they've also never finished lower than third.
Anyway, this was their "coast" semester. It was no surprise the following game, when they absorbed a bunch of Ballroom Team veterans (Holes in Teeth, Can't Do Plaid, Bette Midler, Plastic Pal, etc.) and took the trophy again.
So Many Cats, So Few Recipes (4th place) was the top freshman team of the contest.... but of course, many trivia-oriented frosh were already hosting, on Holy Sack.
The 6-player Brutally Sodomized by a Panda (5th) was the top long-distance team. Spring 2001 was the first contest to have as many cross-country teams playing via RealAudio and computer modem as there were physical teams on campus.
This is a trend that looks unstoppable. By December 2001, there would be almost TWICE as many internet teams as live-on-campus ones. It seems that internet play is at once decreasing the total of alumni who make the trek back to campus, while increasing the overall number of alums playing. In Winter 2001, all of the Williamstown teams would finish with higher scores than any of the long-distance squads got. How long before an off-campus team makes a serious run at 1st place?
8th-place Speedball Blowjob, before they went to sleep, were a group of (mostly) juniors. The Manhattan Skyliners were, again, the Manhattan Skyliners. Marking their 4th decade of play, they were based in Colorado this time. (And had RealAudio been available in the 1970s and 1980s, they would've played even MORE frequently.)
10th-place Bear Meister! were a cluster of Trivia vets-- Joe Francis and Maggie Heaman playing out of Joe's cubicle at Netscape in California, joined by Toby and Jen Elliott, Jon Young, and the ringer Eben Haber, plus a couple of Netscape engineers who happened to wander by in the middle of a Friday night.
BOMO, the uberteam of the 1970s, continued its cyber-resurrection with 43 points. "Snood-Wearing Buccaneers" was a tribute to Duck Season's Steve Homer, who'd recently been bumped off "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" on a question about those filthy snoods.
Although none of the top teams keep the same ongoing team name anymore, bit players like "Tasmanian Treebiters," "Team Squishy Cow," "I Hate Grapes....," and "Marry Me, David Duchovny" made welcome reappearances.
In Trivia's loving tradition, a plethora of abusive personal slurs masquerading as team names largely concluded the scoring.