| 1 | Eddie Izzard |
| 2 | Flags |
| 3 | Cake or Death |
| 4 | The Death Star's Canteen |
| 5 | "The world is round." |
| 6 | Mitch Hedberg |
| 7 | Tennis balls |
| 8 | As hard as it is to start flossing |
| 9 | It's dirty |
| 10 | Traffic lights—red means stop, yellow means hold on, green means go. Bananas—green means hold on, yellow means go, and red means, "where the fuck did you get that banana?" |
| 11 | Lenny Bruce |
| 12 | Electric chairs |
| 13 | Snot |
| 14 | "I would like to introduce you to all the niggers in my cabinet," so that the word could no longer hurt six-year-old black kids |
| 15 | Write it in Latin; you'd offend all the Latins |
| 16 | Margaret Cho |
| 17 | Hello Kitty! |
| 18 | Lysol |
| 19 | C. C. Bloom (Bette Midler's character in Beaches) |
| 20 | Zaftig |
| 21 | Chris Rock |
| 22 | The best rapper is white; the best golfer is black; the tallest basketball player is Chinese; the most powerful men in the world are named Bush, Dick, and Colon. |
| 23 | Bullet control |
| 24 | Your daughter is a stripper. |
| 25 | It's between 4:30 and 4:50 AM on Christmas Eve, you're running to the store to get your kid the last Transformers toy, and a black man hits you on the head with a brick, Riverdances on your head, says "Haha, cracker-ass motherfucker!" and gets the toy before you. |
| 26 | Steven Wright |
| 27 | The batteries weren't included. |
| 28 | He leaves the house through the window. |
| 29 | The world's beaches |
| 30 | Spot remover |
| Catchphrases | |
| 31 | Carlos Mencia |
| 32 | Henny Youngman |
| 33 | Larry the Cable Guy |
| 34 | Rodney Dangerfield |
| 35 | Joan Rivers |
| 36 | Steve Martin |
| 37 | George Burns |
| 38 | Jerry Seinfeld |
| 39 | Roseanne Barr |
| 40 | Bob Newhart |
| Alternate Identities | |
| 41 | Richard Pryor |
| 42 | Andy Kaufman |
| 43 | Flip Wilson |
| 44 | George Carlin |
| 45 | Mel Brooks |
| 46 | Robert Smigel |
| 47 | Steve Coogan |
| 48 | Jeff Dunham |
| 49 | Bill Cosby |
| 50 | Barry Humphries |
| Miscellaneous | |
| 51 | Use the terminally ill as stuntmen |
| 52 | "I'm fat, you're fat, see you in the kitchen in 20 minutes." |
| 53 | The D-List |
| 54 | The club's restricted (against Jews) |
| 55 | Christ Chex |
| 56 | Start calling out letters (a la Hangman) |
| 57 | "I don't eat colored people. Bring me some fried chicken." |
| 58 | "If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college." |
| 59 | Telling an 18-minute version of "The Aristocrats" |
| 60 | Golf |
| Abbot & Costello | |
| 61 | Because |
| 62 | Why |
| 63 | I don't know |
| 64 | I don't care/I don't give a darn |
| 65 | What |
| 66 | Who |
| 67 | Tomorrow |
| 68 | Today |