THE FINAL SCORES

340	Joanie Loves Trotsky
314	Culminating in a Spectacular Final Battle on the Surface of the Moon
290	Jean-Paul Sartre & The Pussycats
273	Castle Anthrax
268	Barking Spider
253	Old Men from Scene 24
195	Ay! The Ground Beef -- It is Burning My Groin!
173	Being Harassed by an Empty Oil Tank Hundreds of Miles Away
149	Frigid, Flat-Butted Peacekeeper Skanks
146	Team Squishy Cow
136	Tasmanian Treebiters of the North
134	The Manhattan Skyliners
108	BOMO
86	What a Brave Corporate Logo!
65	Would You, Could You, with a Goat?
56	I'll Always Love You, David Duchovny
48	We Keep Getting Older, But the Girls on Campus Stay the Same Age!
28	Jed Scattergood Is a Mewling, Teary-Eyed Mama's Boy
24	Free Jack Cust
22	My Cat's Breath Smells Like Cat Food
22	I Am Evil Homer
22	I Hate Grapes, All Kinds of Grapes, I Hate Green Grapes, I Hate Purple Grapes, I Hate Grapes with Seeds, I Hate Grapes Without Seeds, I Hate Them Peeled and Unpeeled, I Hate Them Individually, in Bunches and in Small Groups of Twos and Threes, I Fucking Hate Grapes!
19	Abstinence is Gay
14	Roger Clemens is a Pussy
14	Hey Cardinal Law, Keep Out of My Rectory
12	Beer is the Mind-Killer. Beer is the Little-Death That Brings Total Obliteration. I Will Face My Beer. I Will Permit it to Pass Over Me and Through Me. And When It Has Gone Past I Will Turn the Inner Eye to See Its Path. Where the Beer Has Gone There Will Be Nothing. Only I Will Remain.
9	A Sort of Pleasant, Genial Mantis That's Given Up Preying and Taken Up Tennis Instead
8	Boobies
6	I'm Going to Yemen
6	Scratching Irritates It
6	I Wish I Were Sipowitz
6	Anti-Trotsky
4	Trotsky, If You're Taking the 7:30 Dive Now, We Will Find You and Kill You!
4	Yes, Officer, We Do Have the Senator's Permission
2	At This Point, the Rockets Became Engorged With Astronauts
2	Crouching Roo, Hidden Freak
2	Free Ruben Mateo!
2	Anybody Who Would Have Ruben Mateo on His Rotisserie Team, I Want In My League
2	Flinging Feces for Distance and Flinging Feces for Accuracy Are Two Entirely Different Skills
2	I Don't Need to Date, I've Got TiVo
2	Damn You, Walt Whitman! Damn Your Leaves of Grass!
2	Ha, Ha, Money! We Can Exchange It for Goods and Services!
2	When That Fat Kid on 'Dark Angel' Got Shot, a Little Bit of All of Us Died
2	Rachel Barenblat Is Stranded on Pluto
2	I Want 16 Minutes, Dammit
2	If Cats Ruled the World, They Would Use Pieces of String for Advertising
2	Neutered Vampires Has Proven That You Can Have More Musical Keys Than People
2	The Legs Turn Human, But Believe You Me, The Hoo-Ha Is All Mackerel
2	Your Honor, Let the Record Reflect that She Just Grazed My Johnson
2	Hewoo Mistaw
2	Ha!
2	You're Like a Woman From a More Genteel Era Who Has Traveled Across Time to Make Me Horny
2	Snappy Little Freak
2	Yorgey Liberation Front
2	Come and Pet Melesky, Hey Hey Hey
2	Kim Cleland's Gonna Be a Vet Soon
2	Rich Flynn Has Not Been Struck in Over a Fortnight
2	Canto, You Sally
2	We Don't Want to Slander Anyone on Radio, But I Have Proof That Teon Blows Goats
2	Yes Captain, Gimme Booty
2	They Won't Catch Us, We're on a Mission from God
2	Please Kill Me
2	People Who Fear Dom Grillo
2	You Have Reference Books. You Have the Web. We Have the Library of Congress!!
2	Ocean's 11
2	We'll Get You Next Time
2	Civilized Society Has No Place for Mrs. Veloso
2	Wake Up, Rich. Next Time We Win, You Damn Well Better Know It!
1	Blue-Eyed Lemurs on Crack
1	Dan Mason Has a Pasty White Ass
1	If They Don't Like You, Korea Will Throw You Back
1	This Is Really the First Action Bonus
1	Lidia Is My Heroine
1	Dom My Precious
1	The Simple Joys of a Monkey Knife Fight