Newell House

Newell House is an additional housing space buttressing the back of Garfield House. Built in commemoration of Newell Garfield, the beloved grandson of James R. Garfield and great-grandson of United States President James A. Garfield, the tiny addition houses two floors and is connected to the main building of Garfield by a sloping ramp. There was originally some reservations about building the addition, given Williamstown lore that a Native American Shaman's layer had once adorned the ground on which Newell now resides. However, after several paranormal experts were brought in to sample the area in the early 1950s, it was determined that whatever spirits had once inhabited the land had also decided that it was permissible for a student dormitory to be built on it. However, apparently after fraternities were abolished and co-education made the school policy, there were increasing reports of spirits wandering along the very tiny and limited hallway space that exists in Newell. Beneath Newell House resides the infamous "West Crawl Space" of Garfield basement. Formerly rooms 10 and 11 of Newell, it now it serves mostly as the common room for the tenants of Newell House. Rumor has it that the last two occupants of Newell House believed themselves under demonic possession and proceeded to tear down the walls in search of a mysterious "key" they claim would finally unlock them from their prisons. As the room was destroyed beyond repair and an eerie stench of butternut squash resided in the room anyway, the College felt it best to convert it into a tomb for spiders who have stayed down there too long.

Additionally, there have often been several debates among top administrators about whether to expand Newell and tear down Garfield given the superior heating system and the more modern features (such as handicap access) that characterize Newell. These debates have often been tempered by consternation among residents stemming from the humming noise that is often emitted from the basement, evoking faint recollections of Wagner's "Tristan und Isolde" as well as Fatboy Slim's "Praise You," however, recent paranormal analyis has determined that this noise is not coming from CRAG. Dale McCarday '98 recently wrote a geosciences senior thesis regarding this noise detailing how seismic activity beneath the Berkshires might indicate the formation of a divergent boundary in the middle of the North American plate. Fears that the new fault line might actually develop under Newell itself has delayed construction. Former Professor of Anthropology Laslo "Rosie" Rozsavölgyi found such a notion preposterous, calling the delays, "poppycock propagated by putzes." The vulgarity of his comment led to his subsequent dismissal, however, the possible expansion of Newell has not been taken up by the administration for some time.

The uncertain relationship between Newell House, CRAG, and the secret underground fraternity Omega Epsilon Delta, has recently led to an investigation by the President's office into whether or not Newell has been the location of recent criminal activity on campus, such as the over 400 reports filed detailing deliberate acts of breaking and entering, destruction of student property, and the removal of several pairs of students' socks. CRAG was not implicated in these affairs until it had been revealed that several books previously located in the Garfield Library had been removed and found strategically placed at various campus checkpoints, each containing a letter inside. Among the letters found were C,R,A, and G - though no has as of yet figured out the significance of the remaining eleven letters (H,L,E,S ,J, U, I T, E, A, U). CRAG officially published a statement denying their involvement in recent campus anarchy, stating that "CRAG has often acted as a facilitator between the necessities of the administration and the whims of students and has valued that role since its inception. It is against our core mission to engage in such ribald and licentious tomfoolery." The President of Omega Epsilon Delta, who goes by the alias Z. Livid Brat (full name Zed Livid Brat), declined to comment though stressed that it would be counterproductive for Omega Epsilon Delta to cause trouble while the planning of their "50 Days" event is still ongoing.