Captain Morgan is one of those things that Williams students know and love, and makes those abstract algebra problem sets that much easier!
Contents
Definitions
A Brief History of Captain Morgan
See [[3]]
A Brief History of Colonel Morgan
Williams mathematics professor Frank Morgan gave a talk at a conference in Kentucky during the 1990s. He so impressed the attendees at the conference that the governor of the state inducted him to the Society of Kentucky Colonels. See [[4]]
It should be common knowledge that the rank of colonel in the army is much above the rank of captain. No one at Williams wanted to see Frank Morgan demoted; if anything, there was unanimous clamor for a promotion!
However, Jeff Dougherty '05 observed in the spring of 2005 that the rank of captain in the navy was equivalent to the rank of colonel in the army. According to the US military, both are the rank O6, meaning that the rank should be transferable across military branches. Thus, if Professor Morgan could be transferred from the Kentucky army to the Kentucky navy, he would attain the rank of captain.
However, as those of us who are proficient in geography will observe, Kentucky is a landlocked state. It appeared that Jeff's suggestion would not be feasible. However, it was discovered that the Kentucky legislature had passed a resolution, available at [[5]] and reproduced in full below:
- A RESOLUTION encouraging the purchase and vigorous use of the USS Louisville 688 VLS Class submarine.
- WHEREAS, in the past few years the scourge of the casino riverboat has been an increasingly significant presence on the Ohio River; and
- WHEREAS, the Ohio River borders the Commonwealth of Kentucky; and
- WHEREAS, the siren song of payola issuing from the discordant calliopes of these gambling vessels has led thousands of Kentucky citizens to vast disappointment and woe; and
- WHEREAS, no good can come to the citizens of Kentucky hypnotized from the siren song issuing from these casino riverboats, the engines of which are fired by the hard-earned dollars lost from Kentucky citizens;
- NOW, THEREFORE,
Be it resolved by the House of Representatives of the General Assembly of the Commonwealth of Kentucky:
- Section 1. The House of Representatives does hereby encourage the formation of the Kentucky Navy and subsequently immediately encourages the purchase and armament of one particularly effective submarine, namely, the USS Louisville 688 VLS Class Submarine, to patrol the portion of the Ohio River under the jurisdiction of the Commonwealth to engage and destroy any casino riverboats that the submarine may encounter.
Section 2. The House of Representatives does hereby authorize the notification of the casino riverboat consulate of this Resolution and impending whoopin' so that they may remove their casino vessels to friendlier waters.
A letter, formulated by Brian Hirshman '06 and signed by at least thirty people, was sent to the Kentucky governor, asking for Colonel Morgan's transfer. They are still waiting for a response.
It has also been suggested that, should Frank Morgan be transferred, Nathan Sanders of the Linguistics department be appointed to the Society of Kentucky Colonels to take his place.