Stuff Morty Should Definitely Do

1. Stay as cool as he is because no other college president knows how to keep it real the way our Morty does.
2. Play Beirut with me
3. Sponsor "Forties with Morty." On his front lawn.
   1. Morty Fortyhands!
4. Splash some crazy colored paint on those black jeans.
5. Three words: water-slide (the third word is just a Napoleon accent).
6. Make Mountain Day a daily event
   1. Come to Stoney Ledge on Mountain Day!
7. Deep-six anchor housing. Like, literally. Strap the idea to a big ol' anchor and chuck it in the briny deep.
   1. See Brent Yorgey's humor piece on that subject here.
8. Move New York City 30 mins from campus.
9. Make a public speech announcing that he henceforth wishes to be referred to as "The Hammer".
10. Use proceeds from the $400M Capital Campaign to buy an iced-out medallion in the shape of the new Student Center to wear around his neck at all times. Then, inscribe the words, "Morton Owen 'Big Thangs' Schapiro" on said medallion.