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The Jacobian of Ted's life has non-zero imaginary eigenvalues. When he sleeps his dreams are Hopf bifurcations. He is everywhere differentiable.
When Ted was named the MVP of Super Bowls I-XLIII, Disney World came to him and rode even single one of his rides. They attempted to stage a parade in his honor, but he politely responded that that was pussy shit and that he would be busy wizarding Cinderella's G on top of Spaceship earth.
Known Aliases: Ted, The Ted, Teddy, Mr. Ted, Sam Bowie, T. Fagles, T. Feagles, Horsepiss Wiles, Steve Perry, Dumptruck, Dumptruck Wiles