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{{OldWillipedia}}[[Category:To-Dos]]# Stay as cool as he is because no other college presidents know president knows how to keep it real the way our Morty does.
# Play [[Beirut]] with me
# Better, sponsor Sponsor "Forties with Morty." On his front lawn. Or perhaps Forties at Morty's.#*Morty Fortyhands!# Splash some crazy colored paint on those black jeans.# Three words: water-slide (the third word is just a Napoleon accent).# Make Mountain Day a daily event#*Come to Stoney Ledge on Mountain Day!# Deep-six anchor housing. Like, literally. Strap the idea to a big ol' anchor and chuck it in the briny deep.#*See [[Brent Yorgey]]'s humor piece on that subject [http://wso.williams.edu/blog/view?id=1453 here].# Move New York City 30 mins from campus.# Make a public speech announcing that he henceforth wishes to be referred to as "The Hammer".# Use proceeds from the $400M Capital Campaign to buy an iced-out medallion in the shape of the new Student Center to wear around his neck at all times. Then, inscribe the words, "Morton Owen 'Big Thangs' Schapiro" on said medallion.