Newell House

Revision as of 04:55, December 12, 2008 by 10dgb (talk | contribs)

Newell House is an additional housing space buttressing the back of Garfield House. Built in commemoration of Newell Garfield, the beloved son of James R. Garfield and grandson of President James A. Garfield, the tiny addition houses two floors and is connected to the main building of Garfield by a sloping ramp. There was originally some reservations about building the addition, given Williamstown lore that a Native American Shaman's layer had once adorned the ground on which Newell now resides. However, after several paranormal experts were brought in to sample the area in the early 1950s, it was determined that whatever spirits had once inhabited the land had also decided that it was permissible for a student dormitory to be built on it. However, apparently after fraternities were abolished and co-education made the school policy, there were increasing reports of spirits wandering along the very tiny and limited hallway space that exists in Newell. Beneath Newell House resides the infamous "West Crawl Space" of Garfield basement. Formerly rooms 10 and 11 of Newell, it now it serves mostly as the common room for the tenants of Newell House. Rumor has it that the last two occupants of Newell House believed themselves under demonic possession and proceeded to tear down the walls in search of a mysterious "key" they claim would finally unlock them from their prisons. As the room was destroyed beyond repair and an eerie stench of butternut squash resided in the room anyway, the College felt it best to convert it into a tomb for spiders who have stayed down there too long.

Additionally, there have often been several debates among top administrators about whether to expand Newell and tear down Garfield given the superior heating system and the more modern features (such as handicap access) that characterize Newell. These debates have often been tempered by consternation among residents stemming from the humming noise that is often emitted from the basement, evoking faint recollections of Wagner's "Tristan und Isolde" as well as Fatboy Slim's "Praise You," however, recent paranormal analyis has determined that this noise is not coming from CRAG. Dale McCarday '98 recently wrote a geosciences senior thesis regarding this noise detailing how seismic activity beneath the Berkshires might indicate the formation of a divergent boundary in the middle of the North American plate. Fears that the new fault line might actually develop under Newell itself has delayed construction. Former Professor of Anthropology Laslo "Rosie" Rozsavölgyi found such a notion preposterous, calling the delays, "poppycock propagated by putzes." The vulgarity of his comment led to his subsequent dismissal, however, the possible expansion of Newell has not been taken up by the administration for some time.