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Students who want to meet random people

Revision as of 00:30, June 5, 2008 by 09jaw (talk | contribs) (Easy Target for Slaughter and Eating)

NOTE: This page has been updated to remove all the '06es and '07s, at least from the first two sections. Their names have been moved to the "former students" section.


Sit at my table

If you sit down, I won't look at you funny.

(Please list the dining hall you eat at most of the time. There's no point putting your name randomly on this list)

  1. Jason Ren (08jcr) will discuss the merits of universal cosmetic surgery, and bring the salmon
  2. Aston Gonzalez
  3. Rahul Shah (09ras). I will remind you why I'm better than you.
  4. Morgan Goodwin (08mjg).
  5. sunmi yang (Doesn't actually go to meals, but can be found at the Snack Bar almost every night.)
  6. jordan landers. Can be found at breakfast in Driscoll with a whole grapefruit.
  7. Kate Majzoub (I mostly eat on benches)
  8. Peter Nunns; you bring the conversation topics. Unless otherwise prompted, I only talk about zombies, Futurism, famous lunatics, beards, and the shortcomings/failures of capitalism. - as a side note, Peter is crazy and topics may also stray to giant squid, eugenics, sado-masochism and the glory of Morgan West
  9. Ben Howard
  10. Jarrad Wood
  11. Zach Safford (Not afraid to play with food)
  12. Dan Winston (lady, but not afraid to play with Zach)
  13. Elissa Brown (Well, anyways, the only thing we have to fear is fear itself)
  14. Jessica Rodriguez
  15. Jack Kling - Driscoll
  16. Jake Levinson (jl1) - Paresky. I'm very tall.
  17. Casey Lyons (ccl2) - Mission.
  18. Katie Creel (10kac_2)
  19. Austin Stanley (I usually wear a hat)

Drop by my room

Bored and wandering campus? Stop and say hello to someone.

  1. Anna Weber will even give you a small houseplant, free of charge. (They make very good pets.)
  2. Ayesha Shahid-lives in Mission(prolly the only one in this list) and needs to learn a lot more. Come by and I'll listen to anything you can conjure up and even remember it. *will hand out free Dove beauty soap bars*

Buy me dinner

If you swipe us, we will come. Very cool seniors on the zero meal plan who love to be guest mealed:


Eat my food

If you want, I'll cook something for you (caveat esor)

  1. Jordan Landers (Cooks healthy food. Really tasty healthy food. Amazing.)
  2. Rob Adelman, given advance notice, makes amazing pancakes, typically filled with strawberries, blueberries, chocochips, or peanut butter chips.

Will eat your food

If you cook for me, I'll eat it. And hopefully like it.

  1. Eduardo Lizarraga (08eml). I am vegetarian, so please no meat or fish. Cheese and eggs are fine.
  2. Jono Dowse. Mm-mm-mmm.
  3. sunmi yang eats almost anything and everything set in front of her.
  4. Jonathan Ohueri Notorious for accepting snack bar cookies.

Will cook for you and eat your food

I like reciprocity. Cook me food, and I'll eat it, and then I'll make you food- not necessarily in that order or at the same time.

  1. Lisetta Shah
  2. Emily Button
  3. Jack Kling (09jak)
  4. Emily Maclary (10etm)

Will eat the animals you have slain and cooked

If you kill it, and then cook it for me, I'll eat it.

  1. Peter Nunns
  2. Michael Hagerty '08
  3. Natalia Gonzales (whose father actually slays a cow every year, storing it in the Gonzales freezer for consumption... Natalia misses fresh beef)

Will eat animals you procure (not necessarily cooked or slain)

If you find it, and put it in front of me, I'll eat it.

  1. Toby Hall


Will slay, cook, and eat YOU

  1. Elise Piazza


Will refuse to be above cows on the food chain

  1. Katie Montgomery also refuses to be above fish. Which puts her in the regions of algae, probably.
  2. Rahul Shah (Not really a Hindu but still feels uncomfortable eating beef)


Will kill animals

  1. Auyon Mukharji: Willy C, off of the common room. Give me a call if you want to go dropkick puppies or something.
  2. Michael Anthony Del Rio: If by animals you mean communist agitators, I'm your man.
  3. Peter Nunns: Always up for a good vivisection.
  4. Jessica Walthew: As long it's Sam Weinreich, 09sjw. He may be bony but it's probably worth it anyway.
  5. Toby Hall: Will kill caribou and other large game with bare hands. Tips appreciated, but not necessary.
  6. Rahul Shah: Might kill the bacterium that is on your nose.

Easy Target for Slaughter and Eating

  1. Jarrad Wood: Usually found in Thompson or Schow. Follow the annoying laugh noises. Throw books at him, with Orgo mechanisms written all over them.

Will be an asshole

I will "cook for you," but I will then shun you and feed it all to my farm animals, just to spite you and waste your time. If/when you cook for me, I will tell you it is shitty and you should go die, before you even start cooking.

  1. Peter Shin (is a real asshole).


Contents

Will Pretend To Be An Asshole At First

I will be genuinely intimidating when you first meet me, will be haughty, arrogant, and caustic, make fun of you, and drop references to Starship Troopers(1997) without dropping a beat so that you never know whether I'm really saying something or incorporating a quote from Starship Troopers into casual conversation. Then, you will discover that everything was an act and that you've won my undying respect and admiration for withstanding all that bullshit with a patient smile on your face. We will indulge in a month or two of constant, passionate sex, to the detriment of schoolwork, social lives, etc. until I have your complete trust and devotion and you can't imagine spending your life with anyone else. Then, I'll stab you in the back by having sex with somebody else, just because I have this personality disorder where I only want to have sex with people that are somehow "off-limits," prompting you to discover that the sensitive, sexy me is the REAL act, and, as it turns out, your first impression was right: I was actually an asshole all along. Thus you will learn the bitter lesson that you must ALWAYS judge a book by its cover. PS: I will never cook for you.

  1. Miles Klee (is almost too good of an asshole)

Former Students

  1. Evan Miller feels funny being at the top of this long list.
  2. Lisetta Shah
  3. Jono Dowse
  4. Joe McDonough; but how will you know it's me? I shall wear a blue carnation in my buttonhole. "It's not the time of year for oranges," I will say. Respond "The herring flies at midnight."
  5. Joe Shoer, who does not actually wear laser goggles on a regular basis. He is also capable of talking about much more than anchor housing.
  6. LaVonna Bowen (06lmb) will look at you funny, but she does that with everyone.
  7. Rachel Winch
  8. Diana Davis
  9. Kashif Akhtar
  10. Joe Shoer (Come see my vintage '77 Star Wars poster!)
  11. LaVonna Bowen plays video games when she's not working. Which is all the time.
  12. Alan Cordova (Stop by Sawyer carrel 3N30 to see my vintage '05 Kyrgyz election posters!)
  13. Jonaya Kemper loves when people drop by. She often has candy and baked goods available.
  14. Alan Cordova (06arc_2)
  15. Rachel Winch (06rlw)
  16. Ben Cohen (06bdc)
  17. Heather Casteel (06hdc) (particularly enjoys sunday brunch)
  18. Jason Law (06jl) (hair's making a recovery)
  19. Kate Majzoub (06kmm)
  20. M. Esa Seegulam (06mes) (Sold his hair for a meal)
  21. Roy Liu (06rl)
  22. Jen Messier (06jam_2)
  23. Jess Lovaas (06jll)
  24. Gillian McBride (06gmm) (parents love me and so will you)
  25. Kathryn Fromson (06kef) misses dining hall lunch, not so much dinner
  26. Julie Esteves (06jte) loves people...but only if they provide her with food
  27. Rachel Winch (06rlw). For real. E-mail me! I especially love vegetables and things that don't contain meat.
  28. Julianne Shelby '06: I live in the basement of Fitch, smoke outside of it all the time. Hit me up if you're short on cigs, I smoke Marlboro Reds, and I always have an axe to grind.