Subrealm: Albeit Unintentional Moistness
Question: In the episode "The Tick vs. Science," we are introduced to a hideous creation of Dr. Mung-Mung: a six-foot creature made entirely of tongue muscle, appropriately called "Tongue-Tongue." In that episode, the Tick's sidekick Arthur is also forcibly introduced to Tongue-Tongue by having the creature's brains swapped with his own. What is inventor Mung-Mung's lament for the brain of his moist creation, trapped inside the body of a pudgy sidekick?
Answer: "Gentle Tongue-Tongue. He weeps, for he has but one small tongue with which to taste an entire world."
Song: "Informer" by Snow
Subrealm: Evil with large pants
Question: Superstar and Grand Commandant of the Funky Bunch Marky Mark once said "It's dope, and bitches like to suck it." What was he referring to?
Answer: His third nipple.
Song: "Super Freak" by Rick James
Realm: It's Great to Learn
Subrealm: 'Cause Knowledge Is Power!
Question: In the School House Rock video short "I'm Just a Bill," what is the law proposed by Bill?
Answer: School buses must stop at railroad crossings.
Song: 'The Tale of Mr. Morton" by Skee-Lo
Subrealm: For His Pleasure
Question: They're plastic, they're shaped like jelly beans, they come in five sizes and range from $28 to $32. Best of all, they only take two minutes to implant. What recent miracles of modem science am I describing?
Answer: Neuticles, plastic replacement testicles for neutered dogs.
Song: "Dog Eat Dog" by De La Soul
Subrealm: In This Case, Stupidity
Question: There has been many a successful movie about composers. But when the idea of a movie about Beethoven was brought to Warner Brothers' Jack Wamer's attention, he rejected it. What reason did he cite?
Answer: "Nobody wants to see a movie about a blind [sic] composer."
Song: "A Fifth of Beethoven" by Walter Murphy (and the Big Apple Band)
Subrealm: "Speed of Lightning, Roar of Thunder!"
Question: The Nutley Chapter of the Millard Fillmore Society presents an unusual award each year. What?
Answer: They award a scholarship to some high school student who has less than a C average. (They care about the underdog.)
Song: "One and One Make Five" by The Pet Shop Boys
Subrealm: Gonna Make You Sweat Why did Roberta Gibb Bingay wear a hooded sweatshirt when she ran in the Boston Marathon in 1966?
Answer: Women were banned from the race until 1972, so she had to disguise her gender.
Song: "Running Up That Hill" by Kate Bush
Subrealm: Having Nothing To Do With Ull, of Norse Mythology
Question: What was the Bedouin Muhammad Adh-Dhib looking for when he discovered the Dead Sea Scrolls in 1947?
Answer: A lost goat.
Song: "Ahab the Arab" by Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs
Realm: Spooky Mail
Subrealm: If It Vibrates When You Touch It, Run Away.
Question: Mark Johnson-Williams was investigated for six months by the FBI as a possi ble suspect in the Unabomber case. He thinks this is because he used to send headless dolls to people in the mail. While the American public has no reason to know Johnson-Williams' name, we are all certainly familiar with his latest creation. What did he create?
Answer: The Tickle Me Elmo doll.
Song: "Laughing" by The Church
Subrealm: Pile On Des!!!
Question: Trivia GOD Des Devlin likes trivia. A lot. So much so, in fact, that, even though he is not currently nor ever has been a member of our team, he wrote us an on-air question to use in tonight's contest. The answer to his question was "John Sayles and Adam Schlesinger." What was the question? (Oh, and Des, you're not allowed to answer this one.) Start the beating NOW!
Answer: Name the two Williams alumni nominated for Academy Awards this year.
Song: "Modem History" by The Auteurs
Realm: Williams Alumni continued
Subrealm: No, not YOU. People with real jobs.
Question: Director John Sayles is not only one of the reigning kings of independent filmmaking and a Williams alumnus, but he's a Williams TRIVIA alumnus. What famous position does Sayles occupy in Williams Trivia lore?
Answer: He provided the correct answer to the first tie-breaker question in Trivia history. (The contest was Spring '72, and the question was, 'What is the last line of dialogue from the movie The Time Machine?")
Song: "The Big Picture" by Y Kant Tori Read
(NOTE: The full story is available on the main page of this archive.)
Realm: Stupid Communication Protocols
Subrealm: Not TCP/IP
Question: When the Teletype Corporation was first starting out, it decided to shorten code lengths by using either all uppercase or all lowercase letters in the decoded documents. A number of studies were done, and the company's engineers found that lowercase letters are much easier to read. The head of the company, however, overruled them, and for decades, Teletype machines printed everything out in ALL CAPS. Why?
Answer: "It would be impossible to spell the name of the Deity correctly."
Song: "U" by Arrested Development
Realm: Michael J. Fox's Pituitary Problems
Subrealm: Perhaps Leading To His Role on "Spin City"
Question: What was the time machine going to be in the 1985 film "Back to the Future" before it was changed to a DeLorean automobile, and why was it changed?
Answer: It was originally a refrigerator (which had to be closed before the time machine could operate); it was changed because Robert Zemeckis feared adventurous youngsters would start locking themselves in refrigerators.
Song: "Future Shock" by Curtis Mayfield
Realm: Inky, Blinky, Pinky.....
Subrealm: But not Ull, of Norse Mythology
Question: Why was the original name for Pac-Man changed when the game was sold in the U.S.?
Answer: It was changed to avoid offensive rhymes (since the original name was Puck-Man).
Song: "Pac-Man Fever" by Buckner & Garcia
Subrealm: Not even Ull could beat this.
Question: Few are as talented as Hadji Ali was at the turn of the century. One of the most tasteless acts in entertainment history, what was his particular talent, self-evident from his nickname?
Answer: The Amazing Regurgitator-- he would swallow various objects and spit them back up in whatever order desired.
Song: "Back Around" by Ani DiFranco
Realm: The South
Subrealm: Heeey, they don't have ice in the south!
Question: Based in Macon, Georgia and playing in the Southern Hockey League, they will be revived for the 1996-97 season, having folded after the 1973-74 season. What is the name of this SHL team?
Answer: Macon Whoopees.
Song: "Soul City" by Southern Culture on the Skids
Realm: Things That Probably Make Sense in Hebrew
Subrealm: You Won't Find This in a Damn Vanity Library
Question: In 1802, Timothy Dexter wrote a 24-page philosophical autobiography entitled "A Pickle for the Knowing Ones." But after the reviews, he realized his book was not quite complete. What did he add to the second printing of his book?
Answer: A page consisting of (13 lines of) punctuation, because not one bit of punctuation appeared in the original.
Song: "I Could Write a Book" by Vic Damone
Realm: Cupid, Eros ... Whatever.
Subrealm: Mmm ... Mmm ... Good!
Question: What is Wayne Campbell's philosophy of love?
Answer: If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. If you hurl and she bolts, it was never meant to be. (Accept equivalents)
Song: "Roadrunner" by Modern Lovers
Subrealm: The Power of Velcro
Question: Three-point play: David Letterman (or some stunt double) has dressed up in several different special suits. One of these types of suits was velcro. However, there were eleven (11) others. For 1 point, name any four. For two points, name any eight (8).
Answer: Alka-Seltzer, Lard, Magnets, Marshmallows, Nachos, Rice Krispies, Sponge, Suet, Teabags, Vegemite, Vegetables.
Song: "Sharp Dressed Man" by ZZ Top
Realm: American History
Subrealm: Our Proud Legacy of Mental Illness
Question: A strange discovery helped in judging Mary Todd Lincoln insane in 1875. What was discovered and where?
Answer: Bonds (worth $56,000) were found in her underwear.
Song: "Party in My Pants" by Four-in-Legion Question#21
Realm: X-rated movies
Subrealm: Sorry. That's X-ray rated movies
Question: Blockbuster Video has tons of movies. But three of the movies it doesn't have are "The Hot Hands of an Oslo Dentist," "Fillings of Passion," and "The Huge Molars of Horst Nordfink." Why are these movies not available, and where is the only place you could find them?
Answer: They do not exist; they are mentioned in the opening credits to "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" (and star Svenge, an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian movies).
Song: "Mama Mia" by ABBA
Subrealm: The Road To Nowhere Leads Here
Question: Why is Cape Three Points in Africa called "The Land Nearest Nowhere'?
Answer: It is the closest spot to that point of zero latitude, zero longitude, and zero altitude.
Song: 'Nowhere To Run" by Martha & The Vandellas
Realm: They Shoot Horses, Don't They?
Subrealm: But Sometimes They Aim High
Question: Statues of soldiers on horseback indicate how they died. A horse with both front feet in the air, with one front foot in the air, or on all fours: each signifies a different manner of death. What does each indicate?
Answer: Both legs: died in battle; One leg: Died from wounds received in battle; All fours: died of natural causes.
Song: "Riders in the Sky" by Dick Dale
Realm: Stupid Thief Tricks
Subrealm: Question 1 of, Like, 5
Question: Karen Lee Joachimi was arrested in Lake City, Florida, for a foiled attempt at armed robbery of a Howard Johnson's Motel. What "foiled" her attempt?
Answer: She was armed with an electric chainsaw that wasn't plugged in.
Song: "Buzzsaw" by the Turtles
Realm: Wacky Moments in Church History
Subrealm: A piece of the action
Question: In the 12th century, at the height of the cult of relics, a small monastery in Northern France was famed for displaying the entire right arm of St. Mary Magdalene. Hugh of Lincoln, a famous collector of such relics, was unable to obtain the arm for his collection. What did he get instead, and how?
Answer: A finger. He bit it off Mary's arm.
Song: "Too Pieces" by Yaz
Question: Three-point play! Crayola has recently come out with a box of "Magic Scents" crayons specially designed to have aromas. There are five colors in this collection. However, Crayola changed the design of the scents prior to production, in an attempt to discourage children from eating the crayons. For one point, name any two colors, their originally planned scent, and their final scent. For two points, name any four of the five.
Answer: Blue--- blueberry, new car Sepia--- chocolate, dirt White--- coconut, baby powder Black--- licorice, leather Pink--- bubble gum, shampoo
Song: "That Smell" by Lynyrd Skynyrd
Realm: The sin of Onan
Subrealm: Utah must be one high-strung place
Question: In a Mormon text for children on how to avoid the temptation to masturbate, several strategies are suggested, including prayer, exercise, setting goals, etc. What is specifically suggested for "severe cases?"
Answer: Tie one hand to the bed.
Song: "Jerking Back and Forth" by DEVO
#28 R:Winter sports
Subrealm: Not fit for Winter Carnival
Question: A popular sport in Uzbekistan is closely related to the British game of polo. What's the major difference in the Uzbek version?
Answer: Rather than rolling a ball down the field, the Uzbeks use a sheep.
Song: "Fair Phyllis" by The Elizabethans
(NOTE: Hmmm. Question #28 of the "How DARE They Challenge Us with Their Primitive Skills?" contest was about the Chinese game of "oglar tatish," a horseback version of basketball in which, yes, a dead sheep is used instead of a ball. Man, we Americans are wusses. Calling ESPN3......calling ESPN4......)
Subrealm: ... with many talents
Question: Muhammad Ali spent a lot of time in the public eye in the 1970's. Few people remember his recording career, which featured a remarkable album recorded in 1976 with such luminaries as Frank Sinatra and Howard Cosell. What was the title?
Answer: "Ali and his Gang vs. Mr. Tooth Decay" (or, "Muhammad Ali Fights Tooth Decay").
Song: "Stand By Me" by Cassius Clay
Realm: Questionable medical practices
Subrealm: Well, we think they're questionable
Question: At the start of this century, special vials of water became available as health aids and were considered indispensable for the rich, at $1 per bottle and one bottle per day. After a few years the bottle's users died and its use was discontinued. What was in the bottles, and how did they die?
Answer: Water laced with radium; and they died because their jaws fell off.
Song: "Savory" by Jawbox
Realm: Williams alumni
Subrealm: Celebrity Williams alumni
Question: Many Williams alums become famous. Not all, however, become well-loved; one need only look as far as George Steinbrenner to see that this is true. What Williams alum is so hated that, in January of '97, he was sued by the governments of New York, California, and many others?
Answer: Steve Case, president of AOL.
Song: "A Case of You" by Joni Mitchell
Subrealm: John Shaft, can ya dig it?
Question: John Shaft wasn't just the subject of a classic Benny White song; he was, according to the jacket of Ernest Tidyman's novel, "a black man made of muscle and ice." He is also, according to the cover, "a man without prejudice." How can you tell?
Answer: Because he'lI kill anyone, black or white.
Song: "Two Cool Guys" by Isaac Hayes
#33 R:Team Names
Subrealm: And you thought "Ephs" was stupid
Question: There are a lot of similarities between baseball in Japan and baseball in the USA, There are the Yomiuri Giants and the Hanshin Tigers. On the other hand, there are team names in Japan that make the Anaheim Mighty Ducks sound downright dignified. What is the name of the Nippon team, and why are they named this?
Answer: The Ham Fighters; they are owned by a pork company.
Song: "Down in the Park" by The Foo Fighters
Realm: Old Criminals Recently Caught
Subrealm: Rather Too Late to Prosecute
Question: Everyone remembers when Dan Rather was assaulted in New York in 1986, by a man who asked him, "Kenneth, what is the frequency?" Earlier this year, the man, William Tager, was caught. What explanation was given as to what the bizarre question meant?
Answer: Tager was convinced the media was beaming hostile messages into his brain. He wanted to know what frequency was being used.
Song: "Channel Z" by the B-52s
Subrealm: Flaming Weirdos
Question: Earlier this year, five Indian farmers who cultivate the land near the Taj Mahal threatened to set themselves on fire, in protest of what event?
Answer: A Yanni concert.
Song: "Ain't Nobody's Business" by Taj Mahal
Realm: Can you tell me how to get...
Subrealm: Clap if you believe in Snuffy!
Question: What is Mr. Snuffleupagus' first name?
Song: "Sesame's Treet" by The Smart E's
YOU ARE NOW ENTERING THE WILLIAM SHATNER MEMORIAL TERRIBLE SONG MARATHON. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISQUE.
END OF THE WILLIAM SHATNER MEMORIAL TERRIBLE SONG MARATHON.
#92 R:Love gone sour
#98 R:Great Boo-Boos of Movie History
Realm: Bad cartoons
Subrealm: "Descent" cheat codes
Question: The enigma of the masked racer, Racer X, from the
Answer: Rex Racer, Speed's older brother.
Song: "Little Deuce Coupe" by Jan & Dean
Realm: Williams Trivia
Subrealm: GOTO 10
Question: It is unusual for a 101 class at Williams to have a prerequisite. But, according to the most recent editions of both the 1996-97 and 1997-98 Williams College Course Catalogs, Biology 101 did indeed have a prereq. What was it?
Answer: Biology 101.
Song: "In The Beginning" by Genesis
Realm: Educational toys
Subrealm: Kids today...
Question: Currently on the market is a toy called Puppy Surprise. The "puppy" part of the toy is pretty clear. However, what constitutes the surprise?
Answer: Puppy Surprise starts as a stuffed toy dog. When you unzip the stuffed dog's stomach, out comes a surprise number of little puppies.
Song: "Eat for Two" by 10,000 Maniacs
Subrealm: Guard Number Three: Enormous Genitals
Question: What animal has the longest penis is relation to its body size (the ratio being 20:1)?
Answer: The barnacle.
Song: "2:1" by Elastica
Realm: Eschewed obfuscation.
Subrealm: Politics as usual.
Question: In October 1995, while reassuring reporters in New Zealand about the safety of resumed French nuclear testing in the South Pacific, French ambassador Jacques le Blanc took exception to his audience's use of the word 'bomb." He took great pains to explain that his country was not setting off 'bombs," because the explosion was not above ground and there was no mushroom cloud. So, if not a "bomb," what exactly were the French setting off in the South Pacific, then?
Answer: "A device, which explodes."
Song: "Spy Vs. Spy" by Combustible Edison
Realm: Why we learn to integrate.
Subrealm: Next we work on the Woodchuck-Chucking Problem!
Question: A researcher writing in the July 1995 issue of the European Journal of Physics solved a very important problem that has occupied some of the most brilliant rninds in human history. What problem did he solve, and what was his conclusion?
Answer: When buttered toast is dropped, there is "an inevitable butter-down final state [hitting the floor]." (Any reasonable rephrasing of the answer will do).
Song: "Bag of Snacks" by Murphy's Law
Realm: Bite Me.
Subrealm: Or Don't.
Question: Louisiana state law distinguishes types of biting into two different categories of assault. What are they?
Answer: Biting with natural teeth= simple assault; biting with false teeth= aggravated assault.
Song: "Can You Picture That?" by Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem
Realm: The Arts
Subrealm: More Art than you can Shake a Stick At
Question: The only painting behind a protective glass shield at the Clark Art Institute is "The Snake Charmer" by Gerome. This is because it has had to be restored at least twice in the last four years. Why?
Answer: The painting has a naked butt in it, which people kept touching.
Song: "Meet James Ensor" by They Might Be Giants
Realm: The Obligatory X-Files Question
Subrealm: Chill Out, Bob Ross
Question: 3 Point Play! At the end of the beginning credits of "The X-Files," there is always a pithy saying which may or may not relate to the episode being aired that day. This saying is usually "The Truth Is Out There." However, there have been seven other ones used over the course of the four seasons so far. Name any four for I point, and name all seven for two points.
Answer: Trust No One; The Truth Is Out There (in Navajo); Everything Dies; Apology is Policy; E Pur Si Muove; Deceive, Inveigle, and Obfuscate; Deny Everything
Song: "Men In Black" by Frank Black
Subrealm: Not the SI kind.
Question: Scoville units are used to measure something strange. What do they measure?
Answer: How spicy food is.
Song: "Subterranean Homesick Blues" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers
Realm: Pre-Millenium Tension
Subrealm: It's a Brave Man Who Can Kick Back and Party Edward Bobosky is a New York businessman who wants to be among the first people to enter the new millenium. So he and some of his socialite friends have rented a house for the last New Year's Eve of the century to guarantee that they will accomplish this. Where is the house they rented?
Song: "Quiet Village" by Martin Denny
Realm: Bill Gates
Subrealm: Bill Gates
Question: When the IBM-"compatible" computers started being produced in the mid- to late-80's, a standard arose to determine whether or not a computer was "100% compatible" with the IBM PC. Please name the program that served as the litmus test.
Answer: Microsoft Flight Simulator.
Song: "Fly Me Courageous" by Drivin 'n' Cryin'
Realm: Obligatory Star Trek Questions
Subrealm: Standard Issue for a Harlot, Maybe
Question: When Star Trek: First Contact came out, Gentle Tongue-Tongue rushed out to the stores, in the hopes of being the first to buy a Commander Deanna Troi action figure. When we bought it, we found that Troi came with 4 accessories, including an away team case, a PADD, and a phaser. What was the fourth accessory?
Answer: A shot glass.
Song: Theme from "A Shot in the Dark" by John Zom
Realm: The First Thing We Do, Let's Yill All the Lawyers
Subrealm: Or at least sterilize them. Painfully.
Question: Gary Hoy, "one of the best and brightest" members of his 200-member Toronto-based firm, fell 24 floors to his death, but no foul play was involved, nor was it an intentional suicide. What happened?
Answer: He was demonstrating the strength of the building's windows to some visiting law students and the window broke.
Song: "Destroy All Lawyers" by Mojo Nixon
Subrealm: The Village Beautiful
Question: It spans 11.8 acres, and it's situated between the Burger King and the Howard Johnson's on Rt. 2 in Williamstown. What is it?
Answer: The "Porn Zone" where adult entertainment and products will be permitted.
Song: "Outlaw Lover" by Traci Lords
Subrealm: Cheese Bro!
Question: Robert Chesebrough, having survived pleurisy for forty years, died in his nineties. He jokingly referred to his survival as having "slipped from death's grip." How did he manage to do this?
Answer: Whole-body Vaseline rubdowns, as well as eating a spoonful of Vaseline every day. (Chesebrough was the inventor of Vaseline.)
Song: "She Don't Use Jelly" by the Flaming Lips
Subrealm: Because the zippered collar didn't work well?
Question: Why was the button-down collar invented, over 100 years ago?
Answer: To keep the collar points from poking polo players in the eyes.
Song: "Polyphemus" by Ted Neeley
Realm: Art History 101
Subrealm: Painters You've Never Heard Of
Question: In the mid-16th century, Italian artist Daniele da Volterra was nicknamed Il Braghettone, which means "the breeches maker." Why was he given this nickname?
Answer: He painted loincloths on the figures in Michelangelo's "Last Judgment."
Song: "I'm Too Sexy" by The Chipmunks
Subrealm: 'Chutes and Ladders' Is For Communists
Question: Everyone has seen the barber poles and been hypnotized by the swirling red and white stripes. But, what do those stripes represent?
Answer: Red = blood; white = bandages (it dates back to the Middle Ages when barbers practiced bloodletting, dressed wounds, and performed minor surgical procedures).
Song: "The Ballad of Sweeney Todd" by Gordon Grody
Realm: Les Quebecois
Subrealm: We say let 'em secede
Question: McGill University has a good hockey team and evidently a good sense of humor as well. After whom is their student center named?
Answer: William Shatner.
Song: "The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins" by Leonard Nimoy
Realm: Sports and Leisure
Subrealm: At Least in the Genus Edition
Question: Recently a major corporation sent around a memo in reference to weekly gambling pools which stated: "Gambling of any kind while working is a violation of company rules ... Sports betting reflects poor judgment on the part of the participants and can only inflict criticism of our organization." What makes this memo so odd?
Answer: It was sent to the employees of Off-Track Betting (OTB).
Song: "Games People Play" by Jim Nabors
Subrealm: Tonga Tonga Tonga Tonga Tonga
Question: In its predictions for 1996, popular supermarket tabloid "The Sun" claimed that the U.S. would have to come to Tonga's aid in a most unusual scenario. How would the U.S. have to help Tonga?
Answer: Tonga would land fat Polynesian astronauts on the moon, who would then get stranded. The U.S. would have to rescue them. S: "The Spaceman" by Charles Manson
Realm: Violence in the Home
Subrealm: Funny Violence in the Home
Question: Ken Charles Barger accidentally shot himself to death when, upon awakening, he grabbed a Smith and Wesson .38 special which discharged. How exactly did it happen?
Answer: He thought he was answering the phone. The gun discharged as he brought it to his ear.
Song: "Shoot Me in the Ass" by Wesley Willis
Realm: The Oscars
Subrealm: Woody Harrelson Oscar coverage usually includes live footage of the attending celebs arriving in their limos. This year, however, Woody Harrelson's arrival was not covered much at all. Why not?
Answer: The white limo he (and Larry Flynt) arrived in was painted with naked women.
Song: "Put 'Em On the Glass" by Sir Mix-A-Lot
Realm: The Oscars
Subrealm: More Woody Harrelson, God Help Us
Question: Woody Harrelson's outfit also got some attention at the Oscars. Why?
Answer: He wore a tuxedo made from hemp (though it looked like all others).
Song: "If I Had Another Sack" by the Pharcyde
Realm: Modern Art
Subrealm: Any Child Could Paint Like That
Question: In January of this year, the Museum of Modern Art opened their exhibit "Willem de Kooning: The Late Paintings, the 1980's." What was so unusual about this period in de Kooning's career?
Answer: All of the paintings were made when the artist was in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's disease.
Song: 'Slipping My Mind" by Michael Penn
Realm: Repent Your Sins...
Subrealm: ... At the Press of a Button!
Question: A German software firm has come out with "Online mit Jesus," a program which prints out penances for users after they have chosen their sin from a customized list of shortcomings. What did the creators of the program do to the disks in order to give them an extra air of credibility?
Answer: They had every disk individually blessed by a priest.
Song: "Blissed" by Jesus Jones
Realm: Magazine Inserts
Subrealm: Much More Dangerous than Paper Cuts
Question: We've all been annoyed by those scratch and sniff perfume strips in magazines. But the people at Bear Advertising have come up with something downright dangerous. What's so unique about their scratch and sniff strip?
Answer: It contains a special mixture which attracts bears, elk, and moose. (The ad will run in hunting magazines, and promises that "when used on rubs and scrapes, bucks and does come running." The name of this fragrance is Buck Stop Nozee.)
Song: "Crave" by Dead White Males
Subrealm: "Meet the Feebles" It Ain't
Question: According to Kermit the Frog, what was the most embarrassing part about filming those swashbuckling swordfighting scenes in "Muppet Treasure Island?"
Answer: When his "swash came unbuckled."
Song: "Irresponsible Pants" by Uncle Wiggly
Realm: Italian Cinema
Subrealm: Fellini Must Have Been Stoned Off His Ass
Question: This all-American personality sure looks different than he did when he was an art student in Italy. At that time he appeared as a dancing meatball in a commercial. He was also in the food orgy scene in "Fellini Satyricon." Who was this?
Answer: Richard Simmons.
Song: "Food Fight" by the Village People
Realm: Kids These Days
Subrealm: Teenage Suicide, Don't Do It
Question: Karla Chapman, a 13 year old from Pikeville, Kentucky, is suing her school. She claims that the emotional trauma from being sent home twice for "disruptive" behavior led her to attempt suicide. Can you tell just what was so disruptive about Karla that she had to be sent home from school?
Answer: She was said to have "disruptive" lipstick. Black and purple.
Song: "Mucha Muchacha" by Esquivel
Subrealm: Free Thought and Ponds Don't Mix
Question: In 1886, Charles Reynolds, an atheist, staged a "free thought" conference in a tent in Boonton, NJ. Locals were so appalled that they slashed the tent, pelted Reynolds with eggs and vegetables, and pushed him into a duck pond. The upshot of all this was a unique event in U.S. legal history. What was it?
Answer: Charles Reynolds was the one and only man tried for blasphemy in the United States. (He was found guilty and fined $75.)
Song: "Hymn 43" by Jethro Tull
Realm: Influential Americans
Subrealm: He Once Bit the Head Off a Rat, You Know
Question: Notorious Watergate burglar and radio talk show host G. Gordon Liddy was recently asked if he had anything nice to say about Bill Clinton. One of Liddy's answers was that Clinton was fully qualified to be a television journalist. What was the other?
Answer: That he has a fine head of hair.
Song: "Hair" by The Japanese Cast of Hair
Realm: Risky breakout roles
Subrealm: And just *look* what it did to his career.
Question: Who was the first actor to play an openly gay man on a regular television series, and in what show?
Answer: Billy Crystal, on "Soap."
Song: "Soap Star Joe" by Liz Phair
Realm: Household Names
Subrealm: Well, in some households.
Question: Mo, Clarice, Toni, Lois, Ginger, and Sparrow appear weekly in hundreds of newspapers across the country. Who are they?
Answer: "Dykes to Watch Out For" (a strip drawn by Alison Bechdel).
Song: "Stuart" by The Dead Milkmen
Realm: History of sign language
Subrealm: "Nasty British K'Niggets"
Question: After the Battle of Agincourt, Henry V's longbow archers created a famous gesture to taunt the French. What was it, and what did it mean to them?
Answer: The V or Victory sign. They wanted to show that they still had their two bowstring fingers.
Song: "Through Your Hands" by John Hiatt
Realm: Great American Literature
Subrealm: Involving Lots and Lots of Perverse Sex
Question: In Thomas Pynchon's "Gravity's Rainbow," what is the name of the United States battleship to which Seaman Pig Bodine is assigned?
Answer: The U.S.S. John E. Badass.
Song: "Angry Johnny" by Poe
Realm: The Yellow Peril
Subrealm: Goes To Hollywood
Question: Nobody in America liked the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor, especially with the fear that they might strike the West Coast. What did Jack Warner do in an effort to protect his studio from attack?
Answer: On the studio's roof he painted a 20 foot arrow pointing toward Burbank with the words "LOCKHEED -- THAT-A-WAY" in Japanese.
Song: "Bombs Away" by Johnny Clegg and Savuka
Realm: The Fab Four
Subrealm: Yoko sucks
Question: To whom did the Beatles dedicate the movie "Help!"?
Answer: "To Mr. Elias Howe, who in 1846 invented the sewing machine."
Song: "We've Arrived!" by The Rutles
Subrealm: Even Miss Manners has her dislikes
Question: What does Miss Manners describe as "a particularly vicious piece of work with a sour disposition"?
Answer: The grapefruit.
Song: "Bittersweet" by Big Head Todd and the Monsters
Realm: Royal risks
Subrealm: Hey, he's got a social disease
Question: Charles 11 's personal physician devised a method to keep the king from getting syphilis. Who was the physician?
Answer: (The Earl of ) Condom.
Song: "Dr. Feelgood" by Aretha Franklin
Realm: Broadway disasters
Subrealm: Like a led zeppelin...
Question: The premiere of the Broadway musical "Titanic" earlier this year was delayed due to technical difficulties. What happened?
Answer: They couldn't get the ship to sink.
Song: "Ship of Fools" by Erasure
Realm: Eph trivia
Subrealm: Test yourself
Question: In 1896, Williams students voted for it 247 to 42, but the faculty barely passed it with a vote of 8 to 7. What was this it?
Answer: The Honor Code. (Makes you wonder about the faculty.)
Song: "Sunshine of Your Love" by the Hampton String Quartet
Realm: Elvis Needs Boats
Subrealm: (One In Particular)
Question: Nearly every time we leave or return to Williams, We Use our beloved Rt. 2. Taking the familiar route west to Troy, you will invariably notice a boat sitting on the right side of the road, across the street from what is presumably its owner's house. What is the name of this boat?
Answer: Cirrhosis of the River.
Song: "Whisky, You're the Devil" by The Pogues
Realm: Yet more dumb criminals
Subrealm: ... at Williams!
Question: This winter, a couple of inebriated Ephs decided it would be fun to throw a bench through the plate-glass window at Water Street Books. An alarm went off and the students left, laughing. However, they were caught before they reached Baxter. How were they caught so quickly?
Answer: lt was snowing. Police followed their footprints.
Song: "I Love the Sound of Breaking Glass" by Nick Lowe
Realm: Not Everybody Does It
Subrealm: But Everybody Should
Question: Robert Donner and Curt Johnson got together and made something. That "something" was copyrighted by a major corporation in 1985, and though that copyright ran out in 1992, this product is still very successful. Many of you own it, in fact, and you probably had very little choice in the matter. What is their invention?
Answer: Minesweeper for Windows.
Song: "Bombtrack" by Rage Against the Machine
Realm: International Relations
Subrealm: And Cape Cod
Question: There is only one town on Cape Cod with a French name. Its claim to fame is that something peculiar happened to it during WWI. What is it called, and what happened?
Answer: Orleans, and it was shelled by German subs -- the only US soil to see German fire.
Song: "Trans Europe Express" by Kraftwerk
Realm: Shriner clown-cars
Subrealm: Well, their precursor
Question: On Court St. in Boston lies a receptacle, the largest of its kind in America. It was built in 1873 and measured publicly in 1875. Before being measured in standard units, the authorities measured how many 12-yr-old boys (plus one man in a beaver hat) it could hold. For one point, what is this object?
Answer: A teakettle.
Song: "Man in the Box" by Alice in Chains
Realm: Exhibiting next month in the Mallory Gallery...
Subrealm: Crunchy Frog!
Question: Columbia University art grad student David Arnold was recently in hot water for one of his kinetic sculptures, which involves an actual frog. What does he do with the poor creature that has animal activists raising all kinds of hell?
Answer: He attaches a leg muscle to the sculpture and sends an electrical current through it, making the sculpture twitch. (The frog, of course, is toast.)
Song: "Suddenly" by the Bogmen
Subrealm: Almost too moist.
Question: The first Bangkok performance by pianist Myron Kropp went rather badly. Due to the humid Bangkok atmosphere, several important piano keys stuck: the D key during Bach's "Prelude and Fugue in D Major", and then the G during Bach's "Fantasia and Fugue in G Minor." Finally, one leg of the concert grand buckled, tilting the keyboard about 35 degrees from horizontal. In the face of overwhelming catastrophe, how did Myron end his concert?
Answer: He hacked the piano to pieces with a fire axe.
Song: "One Night in Bangkok" from "Chess"
Realm: They Phased Out 'Flesh'...
Subrealm: ... But Still Have 'lndian Red,' Don't They?
Question: After molding 1.4 billion crayons, over 37 years, Crayola's senior crayon maker, Emerson Moser, retired. What secret did he reveal after he had made his last crayon?
Answer: He was blue-green colorblind.
Song: "Pink Turns to Blue" by Husker Du
Realm: (said with down-home, Gomer Pyle Southern twang) Well, Golly!
Subrealm: (said with down-home, Gomer Pyle Southern twang) Shazam!!
Question: What did the letters in the magic word "SHAZAM" represent in the Captain Marvel comics?
Answer: Solomon's wisdom, Hercules' strength, Atlas' stamina, Zeus' power, Achilles' courage, and Mercury's speed.
Song: 'The Power and the Glory" by Lou Reed
Realm: Funky Accessories
Subrealm: And to Think the Guy Won the Nobel Prize
Question: Earlier this year, a California company began releasing a line of celebrity jewelry, like their Abraham Lincoln commemorative watch, retail value $195. What unique feature of the jewelry is given as justification for this high cost?
Answer: It contains the DNA of the celebrity somewhere on the jewelry. Possible future celebrities include Robert E. Lee, Mary Pickford, Jerry Garcia, Mick Jagger, and maybe even Einstein or Elvis.
Song: "For the Dead" by Gene
Realm: Bob Dole In Da Hay-Ouse!
Subrealm: And Also The Senate Too.
Question: Bob Dole has been in the media lately for his infamous acting abilities. Little known is the fact that his filmmaking career stretches all the way back to the movie "Mr. and Mrs. Bridge." What was his credit?
Answer: "Shakespearean Tutor to Mr. [Paul] Newman".
Song: "Stay" by Shakespear's Sister
Realm: Dubious Litigation...
Subrealm: But He Still Should Have Known Better
Question: In December of 1995, Haley Barbour made the following statement: "In November 1995, the U.S. House and Senate passed a balanced budget bill. It increases total Federal spending on Medicare by more than 50 percent from 1995 to 2002." What else did he say in the same speech, and why might he regret it now?
Answer: He promised a million dollars to anyone who could prove the statement false. Robert Shireman, a former Senate aide, is suing him, and one court has already upheld his claim.
Song: "Liar" by Henry Rollins
Subrealm: In new and different ways Q:Boy meets girl ... boy falls for girl.....girl doesn't fall for boy. Girl jilts boy. Boy runs out of the house angry, finds a weapon, and assaults his ladylove with it. However, weapon maIfunctions and girl calls police. What was the weapon, and how did it malfunction?
Answer: A snapping turtle. It liked the girl, so it refused to bite her. (Later, she made it her pet.)
Song: "Love is Stranger Than Fiction" by Joe Jackson
(NOTE: Question #92 was skipped, Tongue-Tongue preferring to get to others as the contest approached its end.)
Subrealm: And you thought THAT was a mouthful to say when Flo zipped through it?!
Question: The longest place name in the world is Krung thep mahanakhon bovorn ratanakosin mahintharayutthaya mahadilok pop noparatratchathani burirom udomratchanivetma hasathan amornpiman avatarnsa thit sakkathattiyavisnukarmprasit, and it is the poetic name of what city-- and what does its usual abbreviation, Krung Thep, mean?
Answer: Bangkok; "City of Angels."
Song: "Angel Eyes" by Tony Bennett
Realm: Death and Taxes
Subrealm: Haven't You Suffered Enough?
Question: If you were lazy and waited until the last minute, it's possible that on April 15th, tax day, you found yourself rushing off to the post office to mail in your returns. If so, you might have run into some people outside the post office, wandering around in sandwich boards and handing out booklets. What were they handing out, and what did their sandwich boards say?
Answer: They were dispensing 75th anniversary copies of T.S. Eliot's "The Wasteland". Their sandwich boards said "April is the cruelest month."
Song: "April Is In My Mistress' Face" by Thomas Morley
Subrealm: Commemorating his Juliet
Question: How is Eleanor Thornton, secretary to British Lord Montagu of Beaulieu in the early 20th century, part of automotive history?
Answer: She was the inspiration for the statuette that graces the radiator of the Rolls-Royce.
Song: "Highway" by Foghat
Subrealm: It's All Greek To ... Never Mind
Question: Peisistratos became Tyrant of Athens in 561 BCE. Then he got kicked out. While in exile, he made an alliance with a rival named Megakles by marrying his daughter, then came back to Athens and seized power once more. However, he was driven out AGAIN when Megakles turned against him. What caused this falling out?
Answer: Megakles' daughter reported to her mom that Peisistratos was having sex with her, in Herodotus's words, "not in the usual place" (he didn't want to im pregnate her and create competition for the sons he had already)
Song: "Loose Booty" by Sly and the Family Stone
(NOTE: None of the following questions were read over WCFM.... EXCEPT #106.)
Question: Most people are familiar with the French national anthem, "La Marseillaise." The first two lines of the anthem translate to, "Come, children of the Fatherland / The day of glory has arrived." What we want to know is, what are the LAST two lines of the anthem, translated?
Answer: 'Their impure blood will water the troughs of our meadowlands." (approximate answers cheerfully accepted)
Song: "L'Executioneur, C'est Noir" by Positive Black Soul
Subrealm: Why we should film on-location, kids...
Question: The cult classic film "Halloween" was set in a small town in Illinois. But there was a major error in set that punctured the film's tenuous illusion of reality. What was it?
Answer: All of the cars in the film had California plates.
Song: "Bloodletting" by Concrete Blonde
Realm: Nice to meet you
Subrealm: Don't stand so close to me
Question: Recently, a number of Ghanaian men were lynched in downtown Accra after shaking hands with people. What crime were these men accused of?
Answer: Using witchcraft to remove men's penises.
Song: "Black Magic Woman" by Santana
Realm: This hurts me more than it'll hurt you.
Subrealm: So there.
Question: In February of 1995, after then-Senator Bob Dole attempted to block U.S. aid to Turkey, Mayor Burhanettin Ozfatura of lzmir, Turkey, ordered what action to be taken in protest?
Answer: He banned the sale of Dole bananas in his city.
Song: "Fruitless" by Poi Dog Pondering
Question: The local government in Kleberg County, Texas, recently passed an ordinance which basically declares the greeting "hello" to be unfit for daily use. What was their objection to it, and what new salutation did they adopt as the county's official greeting?
Answer: They disapproved of the reference to "hell" in "hello." Thus, the approved greeting of Kleberg County is now "heaven-o."
Song: "Hell" by Squirrel Nut Zippers
Subrealm: Yup, THAT sheep
Question: As everybody surely knows, researchers at the University of Edinburgh recently succeeded in cloning a sheep. However, can you tell us what the researchers named the cloned sheep, and why?
Answer: Dolly Parton, because it was cloned from a cell from the "mother"s mammary gland.
Song: "My Man, Our Horses, And Me" by Y'All
Realm: Sports questions
Subrealm: The ONLY one
Question: John Pease, defensive line coach for the expansion Jacksonville Jaguars of the NFL, has an interesting offer as his answering machine message, there for the taking. What is he offering?
Answer: A copy of the New Orleans Saints' playbooks. It is unknown if anyone has really taken him up on the offer.
Song: "City of New Orleans" by Led Belly
Realm: Dumb criminals in trenchcoats
Subrealm: ... and nothing else
Question: Just outside Little Rock, AR, a known flasher named Jumpin' Jack used to cause a lot of trouble doing naked calisthenics in his window across from the local bank. Since he kept the blinds partially lowered, his face was never seen; and since police lineups are always clothed, no one could ever ID the man. How did police catch Jumpin' Jack?
Answer: During one of his "workouts," a cop knocked on his door. He opened the door stark naked.
Song: "Take On Me" by Reel Big Fish
Realm: Texan perverts.
Subrealm: With accordions!
Question: Debra Peters, of country band Debra Peters and the Love Saints, has been offered big money over the years to play her accordion topless, but she has always refused. What reason did she give?
Answer: She feared she would get her breasts caught in the accordion's bellows.
Song: "Iro Iro " by Vartina
Realm: The Last Question
Subrealm: Unless there's a tie. Go on, we dare you. We double-dog-dare you.
Question: Folk singer Arlo Guthrie has grown so sick of singing one of his songs that he will only perform it once a year. It's understandable, since the song is thirty minutes long now, and it keeps getting longer every time he sings it. Name the song.
Answer: "Alice's Restaurant."
Song: "Alice's Restaurant," by Arlo Guthrie. (Note to the clueless: start grading now!)
(NOTE: Questions #97-105 (plus #92) were not read. Question #106 was the last to be read over WCFM, for a grand total of 96.)
YOU ARE NOW ENTERING THE WILLIAM SHATNER MEMORIAL TERRIBLE SONG MARATHON. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISQUE.
END OF THE WILLIAM SHATNER MEMORIAL TERRIBLE SONG MARATHON.
#92 R:Love gone sour
#98 R:Great Boo-Boos of Movie History