Muppets

100 Brain-Boggling Questions about One of the Few Men Who'll Admit to Taking Off His Clothes for a "5"..... and Getting It for Putting Them Back On.....

1. One of Chris' favorite (only) activities is watching television. Can YOU rank his favorite TV shows in their proper order? (Hint: TNG ranks below "Baywatch.")

   1. Babylon 5
   2. Deep Space Nine
   3. The X-Files
   4. Brisco County, Jr.
   5. 90210
   6. Lois and Clark
   7. Melrose Place
   8. Baywatch
   9. TNG
   10. Oprah!
   
   The rankings ARE in order . . . a, b, c, right down to j.

2. How many months did it take for Steve Jackson Games to finally get around to accepting Chris' submission, "Quest for the Orkinstone!" (Not that I'm complaining anymore....)?
   Eighteen. Eighteen long, nailbiting months. It was hell.

3. How many more months do you think Aylott will be unemployed?
   It turned out to be four. Of course, I had real trouble scoring that in the contest. Good thing this page was fake.

4. How long do you think Deb Tomaselli will put up with him sitting around the house watching daytime TV?
   It turned out to be three and a half.

5. MATCHING! Match the (ex-) girlfriends in Column "A" with the correct fates in Column "B"!

   Column A!

   1. Kathy
   2. Nikki
   3. Paula
   4. Amy
   5. Kim
   6. Deb

   Column B!

   1. confined herself to a nunnery
   2. became a mad scientist
   3. joined the Navy
   4. joined the Navy
   5. went to the farthest ends of the earth
   6. went mad/ is marrying the fool
   
   As with question one, the matches were in exact order: Kathy to nunnery (well, actually it was a religious college, but close enough), Nikki to mad scientist (chemistry grad school), Paula to Navy (the Navy), etc. Some of these life changes were years later, of course, and have no apparent connection to me, but I personally attribute to very deep trauma. If I didn't, I'd have to admit I'm not the center of the universe . . .

6. ESSAY QUESTION: Explain why a wonderful woman like Deb would ever want to marry this loser.
   Nobody, including Deb, could come up with an answer for this one. Fortunately, she went ahead and did it anyway.

(NOTE: Chris peppered his bonus with Muppet illustrations and pull-out quotations. An attempt will be made here to retain this special seasoning.)

Kermit

1. How many points are there on Kermit the Frog's collar?

2. What WAS Kermit, originally?

3. Why isn't it easy being green?

4. Steamrollers can be a distinct hazard to travelling frogs. Where, according to Kermit, would he be "if frogs couldn't jump"?

Miss Piggy

5. What do "Miss Piggy's Guide to Life" and "French for Cars" have in common?

6. What album did Miss Piggy release in 1982?

7. Name Miss Piggy's dog.

8. Who was Miss Piggy's sweet ingenue rival in pig stardom?

The Muppet Show

9. What is cluckitis?

10. Who played the Swedish Chef, and what made doing it so improvisational?

11. When Jean Stapleton sang "I'm Just Wild About Harry," who accompanied her, on what instrument?

12. When the members of the Electric Mayhem were designed in 1975, they were intended as parodies of current rock stars. Who were Dr. Teeth, Floyd Pepper, and Janice based on? (Hint: Janice was originally supposed to be male...)

13. How does Kermit escape Miss Piggy's wedding "comedy sketch" in "The Muppet Show"?

14. What is Marvin Suggs' Muppaphone?

15. What's Kermit's final terrible shock in the shocking Alice Cooper episode?

16. Who was Scooter's uncle, and who was he in real life?

    (PULL-OUT QUOTE: "The time has come to answer that question which has baffled mankind through the ages, namely.... can the frog tap dance? The answer is: Hit it!" --Kermit)

17. When Kermit sings and dances to "Happy Feet," what's odd about his performance?

Sesame Street

18. According to David Letterman, what's the #1 Reason Hillary Clinton Won't Be Invited Back To Do "Sesame Street"?

19. What "Sesame Street" character recently received his own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame?

20. How many feathers does Big Bird have?

21. What infamous album cover features Grover on a disco floor, wearing a white leisure suit?

    (PULL-OUT QUOTE: "Sesame Street has aimed too low, has misunderstood the problem it is trying to cure, and will be a disappointment in the long run." --The Atlantic magazine, May 1971)

Other Television....

22. Who were King Ploobis and the Mighty Favog?

23. What was "Sex and Violence" and what was the end of sex and violence on television portrayed within it?

    (PULL-OUT QUOTE:
    Henson: "I know what you're asking for, Jojo. And I suppose you'd like me to talk about... puppets."
    Leon: "Aaaaah! He said it! Oh no, this is terrible!"
    Bean: "He said the P-WORD!"
    Leon: "Are you crazy? Are you trying to ruin us?"
    Gonzo: "Don't look! Don't look!"
    --The Jim Henson Hour)

24. Why was Bean Bunny hired to be on "The Jim Henson Hour"?

25. Who is Rugby Tiger?

26. Who play Solomon the Wise and Monica DeVertebrae on "Dinosaurs," and what is their other TV connection?

27. What "Jimmy Dean Show" character performed by Henson eventually ended up receiving more mail than Jimmy Dean himself?

28. Who once introduced Kermit and Jim as "Jim.... um.... Newsome's puppets"?

29. There are three completely different characters in Henson shows and specials who are named The Storyteller. Name those three shows.

    (PULL-OUT QUOTE: "You've tuned into the Time channel, all the time all the time. We have late afternoon over the Pacific coast, turning into evening later. And later tonight, the darkness associated with three in the morning over here should give way to breakfast time by early tomorrow. And the forecast for tomorrow? 3:15 in St. Louis, in Hollywood lunch will last all day, and in Ottawa, it's 1956. Thank you and good night." --The Jim Henson Hour)

30. Who were Ubu, Zondra, and Chip, and what "commercial mush" did they hate?

31. Who were Willkins and Wontkins?

32. What were the real and fictional networks which first aired "Dog City"?

33. What did the "Dinosaurs" episode "Nuts to War" parody?

The Movies

34. Even in Dickensian England, Miss Piggy is never seen without her satin gloves. What color are they?

35. In "The Great Muppet Caper," what class do Kermit, Fozzie and Gonzo travel in, and how are their crates labeled?

    (PULL-OUT QUOTE: "Frankly, Miss Piggy, I don't give a hoot!" --Kermit)

36. What kind of "champagne" do Kermit and Piggy drink on their first big(screen) date?

37. What did Statler and Waldorf think left a better film than "The Muppet Movie"?

38. What are the payment options at the Happiness Hotel?

    (PULL-OUT QUOTE: "Patriotism swells in the heart of the American bear!" --Fozzie)

39. What's a bear's natural habitat?

40. What does Snake Walker do?

    (ACCOMPANYING PHOTO: Air Beaker, frozen in mid-slam dunk.)

Jim's Family.....

41. Who is the youngest president of a major film studio, and what studio is it?

42. Who designed the costumes for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

......and His Friends

43. What human connects "Hey Cinderella," "Sesame Street," and the Williams Octet?

    (PULL-OUT QUOTE: "Jim loved low humor, which made him a real delight to write for, he just loved whack-in-the-head, pie-in-the-face jokes.....He loved violence, and with puppets, he realized you could get away with a lot of violence." --the guy who's the answer to the previous question)

44. Who provides backup vocals to Kermit in the "Sesame Street" song "Get Along"?

45. Name the human stars who have appeared in both a Muppet Movie, and as a guest star on "The Muppet Show." 1 pt. for 5, 2 pts. for 10, 3 pts. for all 15.

46. Who are Dennis Lee and Phil Balsam?

    (ACCOMPANYING ILLUSTRATION: A line drawing of Sam the Eagle, shouting at the viewer, "I BESEECH you! Do not waste your time with this WEIRD, SICK FILTH!")

Muppet Art

We've reprinted several fine art parodies starring our favorite characters. Please identify the original works of art and their artists.

(Four visual images of quasi-paintings featuring Kermit, Piggy, Gonzo and/or Floyd were shown.)

(PULL-OUT QUOTE: "I believe that we can use television and film to be an influence for good; that we can help to shape the thoughts of children and adults in a positive way. As it has turned out, I'm very proud of some of the work we've done, and I think we can do many more good things. When I was young, my ambition was to be one of the people who made a difference in this world. My hope still is to leave the world a little bit better for my having been here. It's a wonderful life and I love it." --Jim Henson, 1986)

(ACCOMPANYING ILLUSTRATION: Another cartoon line drawing, showing "Gonzo After Hours (or, if the Muppets did love scenes)"-- namely, Gonzo in bed with a chicken, sharing a post-coital "bwak." Gonzo asks, "Was it weird for you too?")