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AS WE ALL KNOW, THERE ARE ONLY TWO SPORTS WORTHY OF AFFECTION OR NOTICE. OF COURSE, WE REFER TO BASEBALL AND PRO WRESTLING (ORDER DETERMINED ALPHABETICALLY). IN FACT, THESE TWO GREAT NATIONAL PASTIMES ARE AMAZINGLY SIMILAR, IF YOU KNOW HOW TO COMPARE. OBSERVE!

BASEBALL: "Plenty of good seats available!"
WRESTLING: Steel chair over the back of the head

BASEBALL: Hammerin' Hank Aaron
WRESTLING: Greg "the Hammer" Valentine

BASEBALL: Peanuts and Cracker Jack
WRESTLING: The green mist

BASEBALL: The Brothers Alou
WRESTLING: Brother Love

BASEBALL: Baltimore chop
WRESTLING: Boston crab

BASEBALL: "Keep your eyes on the ball!"
WRESTLING: The rake of the eyes

THUS ENLIGHTENED, YOU WILL NOW THRILL TO THE PHASERS ON STUN: THE NEXT GENERATION SPORTS BONUS, WHICH FEATURES (MOSTLY) THE TWO PILLARS OF SPORT!

ONE: STADIUM SOBRIQUETS

Name the baseball player who boasted/suffered from the following nicknames:

  1. The Arkansas Hummingbird

  2. Dr. Strangeglove

  3. Froot Loops

  4. The Human Rain Delay

  5. Louisiana Lightning

  6. The Nashville Narcissus

  7. Poosh-Em-Up

TWO: BASEBALL AT LARGE

  1. Name the three knuckleballers currently active in the majors.

  2. Sal Durante and Tom House share a baseball semi-accomplishment, though they did it 13 years apart. And Durante didn't even play baseball! What was it?

  3. What is the most common last name in the Baseball Hall of Fame, and which four baseball players share it?

  4. Though a 20-homer, 80-RBI season isn't anything for the record books, only one player has achieved those numbers (or better) for the past seven seasons, consecutively. Who?

  5. During the 1990 World Series, there were many heroes. However, the person who really won it was insane Reds owner Marge Schott. What did Marge give Lou Piniella before each game to ensure victory?

  6. When people speak of unbreakable baseball records, feats such as C Young's 500 wins, Nolan Ryan's 5,000 strikeouts, or Ty Cobb's .367 average usually come up. But what about ESPN? Yes, the all-sports network set a record which is unlikely to ever be tied, let alone broken, with its June 29, 1990 doubleheader telecast. What?

  7. When the Pittsburgh Pirates were embroiled in their 1985 clubhouse drug scandal, the FBI wiretapped somebody at Three Rivers Stadium to obtain further information. What clubhouse regular was wearing the bug?

  8. Only 700 fans turned out to see a Yankee game in which the Yanks made more appeal plays than pitches. Don Mattingly was the second baseman, his only 2B appearance in his entire career. Meanwhile, the speedy Ron Guidry patrolled centerfield. This was no exhibition or practice, but an actual game to help decide the AL East. Explain.

THREE: GREASY FILM

Fans of "Bull Durham," "Field of Dreams," or "Pride of the Yankees" knows that Hollywood treats baseball right. And the acting skills of Roddy Piper ("They Live," "Hell Comes to Frogtown") are inarguable. Still, some dopey producers still insist on making films NOT about baseball or wrestling. Name the lesser sports for each.

  1. Follow the Sun

  2. Gleaming the Cube

  3. Heart Like a Wheel

  4. Nice Girls Don't Explode

  5. Over the Top

  6. Phar Lap

  7. A River Runs Through It

FOUR: WRESTLING

Hey, what else is there to say, but "Wooooo!"

  1. Before he was the king of managers, Classy Fred Blassie was a fiendish rassler himself. Despite the 20-year swath of human blood he left behind, he felt that his career was a flop. Blassie had but one ambition, which he failed to achieve..... what?

  2. When Blassie managed the Iron Shiek to the title over crybaby Bob "Boo Hoo I Let My Fans Down Again" Backlund, he had a different title. What nickname did Fred Blassie use while managing the Shiek?

  3. Like Phil Donahue, Roddy Piper's success as the host of "Piper's Pit" spawned many imitators. But no one could truly top the great Scot, and that's why he's rich and you're not! Name the interview segments.

    1. Brutus Beefcake

    2. Paul Bearer

    3. Adrian Adonis

    4. Jake Roberts

    5. Jesse Ventura

    6. Terry Funk

  4. One of Ted Turner's goals is to help global relations through such ventures as the Goodwill Games. In that interest, Ted banned the use of the word "foreign" from all CNN newscasts, feeling that the word carried a negative connotation; replacing it always was the word "international." How did this policy affect the Turner-owned NEA/WCW telecasts?

  5. King Kong Bundy proved he was one of the all-time greats at the end of his tag team match at Wrestlemania III. What did he do?

  6. True wrestling fans live for slip-ups, such as Mean Gene yelling "Fuck it!" on live pay-per-view when a wall fell down behind him. Another great one occurred on NBC's "Saturday Night Main Event," when Hulk Hogan was heard asking for a time cue, coming out of commercial. What did the Chumpster need the time cue to start doing?

  7. Only one wrestler has competed at every single Wrestlemania-- who is he?

  8. The title match at Halloween Havoc '90 featured two wrestlers with the same names as famous musicians. Name both of them.

  9. Not only was Honky Tonk Man the greatest Intercontinental champ of all time, but his music career gave him #1 hits around the world. What was his biggest hit ever? (It's not his "I'm a Honky Tonk Man" theme.)

  10. Hulk Hogan lost the WWF title to Andre the Giant Lump under very suspicious circumstances. Though Hulk got his pinned shoulder up at the count of "one," the ref counted "two, three" anyway. What was Ted "Million Dollar Man" DiBiase's role in this vile chicanery?

  11. One of the great moments in the WWF was the wedding of "Butcher" Vachon, conducted (natch) in a flower-decorated wrestling ring. Answer these questions about the holy event.

    1. Who was Vachon's best man for this stately occasion?

    2. The ring bearer was a midget. What happened to him?

    3. After the "I do"s, there was a mad rush to be the very first to kiss the bride. This quickly deteriorated into a free-for-all, with elbows and bouquets flying. This led to perhaps the greatest line in the history of wrestling, courtesy of Vince McMahon (who was announcing the wedding). As Butcher Vachon was attacked by his own guests, what four words did McMahon utter?

  12. What two wrestlers-- at the time vicious, bitter enemies-- were caught car pooling by the New Jersey police? (The actual crime was possession of cocaine, not fake feuding.)

  13. Usually you can only turn from bad to good by firing your manager in public, by coming to the aid of a besieged good guy, or by getting beat up by a bunch of other bad guys. What unique method helped Captain Lou Albano reform his evil ways?

FIVE: A QUESTION THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BASEBALL OR WRESTLING, BUT WE FOUND IT HIGHLY AMUSING, AND WE CERTAINLY HOPE THAT YOU SHARE OUR SENTIMENTS, BUT YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IT ANYWAY EVEN IF YOU DON'T

  1. Top jockey Randy Romero missed 18 months of racing, due to what miscalculation in his training regimen?

FOR EXTRA CREDIT! BRING THIS BONUS DOWN TO THE RADIO STATION AS ONE OF THE BUSHWHACKERS-- YOU CHOOSE WHICH ONE. (NO EXTRA CREDIT IF YOU RUB SARDINES ON US.)

(NOTE: In miniscule, 4-pica letters, the following appeared at the very bottom of the last page:

"The holder of this Hour Bonus assumes all risk and danger incidental to the game of Trivia, whether occurring prior to, during, or subsequent to the actual playing of the game, including specifically (but not exclusively) the danger of being injured by thrown bats and thrown or batted balls, and agrees that WCFM, Phasers and the Manhattan Skyliners are not liable from injuries resulting from such causes.

This Hour Bonus may not be resold or offered for resale at a premium in excess of $2.00 plus lawful taxes. The holder grants permission to Phasers to ultilize holder's image or likeness in any way, shape or form, including the superimposition of your face onto those of fornicating wolverines.

WARNING: Members of Phasers may poke you at any time. BE ALERT.")