Baseball/Wrestling

AS WE ALL KNOW, THERE ARE ONLY TWO SPORTS WORTHY OF AFFECTION OR NOTICE. OF COURSE, WE REFER TO BASEBALL AND PRO WRESTLING (ORDER DETERMINED ALPHABETICALLY). IN FACT, THESE TWO GREAT NATIONAL PASTIMES ARE AMAZINGLY SIMILAR, IF YOU KNOW HOW TO COMPARE. OBSERVE!

BASEBALL: "Plenty of good seats available!"
WRESTLING: Steel chair over the back of the head

BASEBALL: Hammerin' Hank Aaron
WRESTLING: Greg "the Hammer" Valentine

BASEBALL: Peanuts and Cracker Jack
WRESTLING: The green mist

BASEBALL: The Brothers Alou
WRESTLING: Brother Love

BASEBALL: Baltimore chop
WRESTLING: Boston crab

BASEBALL: "Keep your eyes on the ball!"
WRESTLING: The rake of the eyes

THUS ENLIGHTENED, YOU WILL NOW THRILL TO THE PHASERS ON STUN: THE NEXT GENERATION SPORTS BONUS, WHICH FEATURES (MOSTLY) THE TWO PILLARS OF SPORT!

ONE: STADIUM SOBRIQUETS

1. The Arkansas Hummingbird

2. Dr. Strangeglove
   Dick Stuart (so named for his wretched defensive inability).

3. Froot Loops
   Mickey Tettleton (so named because he credits his home run power to eating, yes, Froot Loops).

4. The Human Rain Delay
   Mike Hargrove (so named because of his unbelievably lengthy at-bats).

5. Louisiana Lightning
   Ron Guidry (so named because he was a Louisiana native who pitched fast).

6. The Nashville Narcissus

7. Poosh-Em-Up
   Tony Lazzeri (so named because of his ability to move runners along).

TWO: BASEBALL AT LARGE

8. Name the three knuckleballers currently active in the majors.
   Phil Niekro, Charlie Hough, and Tom Candiotti (at the time the question was asked).

9. Sal Durante and Tom House share a baseball semi-accomplishment, though they did it 13 years apart. And Durante didn't even play baseball! What was it?
   In 1961, Durante caught Roger Maris' 61st home run in the right field stands. Relief pitcher House caught Hank Aaron's 715th career home run in the Dodger bullpen.

10. What is the most common last name in the Baseball Hall of Fame, and which four baseball players share it?
    Robinson-- shared by Jackie, Frank, Wilbert and Brooks.

11. Though a 20-homer, 80-RBI season isn't anything for the record books, only one player has achieved those numbers (or better) for the past seven seasons, consecutively. Who?
    Cal Ripken (I think...).

12. During the 1990 World Series, there were many heroes. However, the person who really won it was insane Reds owner Marge Schott. What did Marge give Lou Piniella before each game to ensure victory?
    A tuft of Schottzie's hair. (Schottzie was Marge's first Saint Bernard.) (NOTE: This is the answer, and NOT, as one team guessed, "a sloppy wet open-mouthed kiss." We simply hate you for making us picture that-- who's the SAFE one to concentrate on, Marge or Lou?)

13. When people speak of unbreakable baseball records, feats such as C Young's 500 wins, Nolan Ryan's 5,000 strikeouts, or Ty Cobb's .367 average usually come up. But what about ESPN? Yes, the all-sports network set a record which is unlikely to ever be tied, let alone broken, with its June 29, 1990 doubleheader telecast. What?
    BOTH games featured no-hitters-- by Dave Stewart and Fernando Valenzuela.

14. When the Pittsburgh Pirates were embroiled in their 1985 clubhouse drug scandal, the FBI wiretapped somebody at Three Rivers Stadium to obtain further information. What clubhouse regular was wearing the bug?
    Team mascot "The Pittsburgh Parrot."

15. Only 700 fans turned out to see a Yankee game in which the Yanks made more appeal plays than pitches. Don Mattingly was the second baseman, his only 2B appearance in his entire career. Meanwhile, the speedy Ron Guidry patrolled centerfield. This was no exhibition or practice, but an actual game to help decide the AL East. Explain.
    This was what was left of the George Brett "pine tar" game. (You may recall that Brett had hit a 2-run homer with 2 outs in the ninth to put the Royals ahead 5-4. The umpires initially ruled Brett out for excess pine tar on the bat, and declared the game a 4-3 Yankee win. The AL upheld the Royals protest and ordered the game restarted at that point, Royals ahead, with 2 outs in the top of the ninth. The remaining four outs were played under the above farcical conditions.)

THREE: GREASY FILM

16. Follow the Sun

17. Gleaming the Cube
    Skateboarding.

18. Heart Like a Wheel
    Auto racing.

19. Nice Girls Don't Explode

20. Over the Top
    Arm wrestling.

21. Phar Lap
    Harness racing.

22. A River Runs Through It
    Fly-fishing.

FOUR: WRESTLING

23. Before he was the king of managers, Classy Fred Blassie was a fiendish rassler himself. Despite the 20-year swath of human blood he left behind, he felt that his career was a flop. Blassie had but one ambition, which he failed to achieve..... what?
    As he said on "The David Letterman Show" and elsewhere, Blassie claimed to be such a thrilling wrestler that over the years, 97 people in the audience died of heart attacks while watching him. He felt his career was a failure because he had not killed 100.

24. When Blassie managed the Iron Shiek to the title over crybaby Bob "Boo Hoo I Let My Fans Down Again" Backlund, he had a different title. What nickname did Fred Blassie use while managing the Shiek?
    "The Ayatollah" Fred Blassie. (Blassie claimed that he and the Shiek had flown back to Tehran for a wild nationwide celebration when the Shiek won the WWF title. He also claimed that in a face-to-face meeting with Ayatollah Khomeini, the Imam had congratulated them, but warned that should the Shiek lose his upcoming title match with Hulk Hogan, Khomeini would have both the Shiek and Blassie killed. The Shiek did, but Khomeini didn't.)

25. Like Phil Donahue, Roddy Piper's success as the host of "Piper's Pit" spawned many imitators. But no one could truly top the great Scot, and that's why he's rich and you're not! Name the interview segments.

    1. Brutus Beefcake
       "The Barber Shop"

    2. Paul Bearer
       "The Funeral Parlor"

    3. Adrian Adonis
       "The Flower Shop"

    4. Jake Roberts
       "The Snake Pit"

    5. Jesse Ventura
       "The Body Shop"

    6. Terry Funk
       "Funk's Bar-B-Que Grill"

26. One of Ted Turner's goals is to help global relations through such ventures as the Goodwill Games. In that interest, Ted banned the use of the word "foreign" from all CNN newscasts, feeling that the word carried a negative connotation; replacing it always was the word "international." How did this policy affect the Turner-owned NEA/WCW telecasts?
    Evil wrestlers would henceforth pull "international objects" out of their pants to hit opponents with.

27. King Kong Bundy proved he was one of the all-time greats at the end of his tag team match at Wrestlemania III. What did he do?
    The nearly-500-pound behemoth body-splashed a midget. (Bundy was disqualified for this, but we all know who won the more-important moral victory.)

28. True wrestling fans live for slip-ups, such as Mean Gene yelling "Fuck it!" on live pay-per-view when a wall fell down behind him. Another great one occurred on NBC's "Saturday Night Main Event," when Hulk Hogan was heard asking for a time cue, coming out of commercial. What did the Chumpster need the time cue to start doing?
    Grieving over the injured body of Miss Elizabeth, who had been hurt in a collision earlier in the program and was lying on a stretcher. Hulk's performance went something like this: "I'm going to need a cue. (Face drops into hands) OH, hang on, Elizabeth, you're gonna be all right!"

29. Only one wrestler has competed at every single Wrestlemania-- who is he?
    Once Tito Santana's streak finally ended, it was in fact Hulk Hogan.

30. The title match at Halloween Havoc '90 featured two wrestlers with the same names as famous musicians. Name both of them.
    Sid Vicious vs. Sting.

31. Not only was Honky Tonk Man the greatest Intercontinental champ of all time, but his music career gave him #1 hits around the world. What was his biggest hit ever? (It's not his "I'm a Honky Tonk Man" theme.)

32. Hulk Hogan lost the WWF title to Andre the Giant Lump under very suspicious circumstances. Though Hulk got his pinned shoulder up at the count of "one," the ref counted "two, three" anyway. What was Ted "Million Dollar Man" DiBiase's role in this vile chicanery?
    DiBiase had used some of his millions to pay someone to have plastic surgery to look like the referee for the Hulk-Andre match. After abducting the real ref, it was a simple matter for the false ref to do the dirty work. (In real life, one of the WWF refs happened to have a twin brother.)

33. One of the great moments in the WWF was the wedding of "Butcher" Vachon, conducted (natch) in a flower-decorated wrestling ring. Answer these questions about the holy event.

    1. Who was Vachon's best man for this stately occasion?
       The spectacularly ill-chosen George "the Animal" Steele. Mid-ceremony, a confused Animal began gnawing on the turnbuckles.

    2. The ring bearer was a midget. What happened to him?
       As he walked down the red carpet past Fred Blassie's aisle seat, Blassie hit him in the back of the head with his cane. Announcer Vince McMahon (all weddings should have announcers) explained none too helpfully, "Obviously settling an old score."

    3. After the "I do"s, there was a mad rush to be the very first to kiss the bride. This quickly deteriorated into a free-for-all, with elbows and bouquets flying. This led to perhaps the greatest line in the history of wrestling, courtesy of Vince McMahon (who was announcing the wedding). As Butcher Vachon was attacked by his own guests, what four words did McMahon utter?
       "Oh no-- THEY'RE SLAMMING THE GROOM!"

34. What two wrestlers-- at the time vicious, bitter enemies-- were caught car pooling by the New Jersey police? (The actual crime was possession of cocaine, not fake feuding.)
    The Iron Shiek and "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan.

35. Usually you can only turn from bad to good by firing your manager in public, by coming to the aid of a besieged good guy, or by getting beat up by a bunch of other bad guys. What unique method helped Captain Lou Albano reform his evil ways?
    A bad guy for decades, Captain Lou suddenly "turned good" when a brain operation "removed the calcium deposits" from his medulla oblongata.

FIVE: A QUESTION THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BASEBALL OR WRESTLING, BUT WE FOUND IT HIGHLY AMUSING, AND WE CERTAINLY HOPE THAT YOU SHARE OUR SENTIMENTS, BUT YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IT ANYWAY EVEN IF YOU DON'T

36. Top jockey Randy Romero missed 18 months of racing, due to what miscalculation in his training regimen?
    He fell asleep in a hot tub, and boiled his entire body.

FOR EXTRA CREDIT! BRING THIS BONUS DOWN TO THE RADIO STATION AS ONE OF THE BUSHWHACKERS-- YOU CHOOSE WHICH ONE. (NO EXTRA CREDIT IF YOU RUB SARDINES ON US.)

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