| 1 | 260 | Suite Suite Lovin' |
| 2 | 233 | Mother of Epoxy* |
| 3 | 228 | Lenin's Glorious Stroke of the People |
| 4 | 214 | You're Nothing But Skin, Cassandra -- Lipstick and Skin! |
| 5 | 189 | The Jewish Wonton On Top Of A Sinister Salad Of Sex, Religion, And Politics Topped With Sensationalist Seasoning |
| 6 | 178 | Clyde the 8th Dwarf |
| 7 | 175 | You Burn the She Shepard, She Burns Back |
| 8 | 99 | BOMO |
| 9 | 97 | Your Broken Corpses Will Taste Delicious Lightly Seasoned With Nutmeg! |
| 10 | 49 | Not Just Your Average Interplanetary Space Zombie Ass Pirates |
| 11 | 41 | Tonga Tsunami* |
| 12 | 37 | Extreme Fajitas |
| 13 | 30 | I Hang Out with an Apple That Loves Self-Loathing |
| 13 | 30 | Saved by the Buoyancy of Citrus! |
| 15 | 25 | Osama's Homo-Bortion-Pot-N-Commie-Jiz-Porium |
| 16 | 22 | Bite My Shiny Metal Ass |
| 17 | 18 | The Power of Debbie's Breasts Compels You |
| 18 | 16 | Wine and Pudding |
| 19 | 11 | No Presence Required |
| 20 | 8 | You're Not Dressed for an Afternoon of Tchaikovsky and Heavy Petting! |
| 21 | 6 | The Tasmanian Treebiters of the North |
| 22 | 4 | Mr. Skipperdoo |
| 23 | 2 | At Last, I Can Fit 10,000 Songs Up My Ass |
| 24 | 1 | Dharma Initiative (Station 0 of 6: The Cow) |
| 25 | 0 | Nonexistent Superboy got so angry he punched right through Alex Luthor's starry torso (in which he had been living at the time), but all I got is this lousy comic book! |
| 25 | 0 | The Other Way of Stopping |
| 25 | 0 | Papal Bulls |
| 25 | 0 | Speak Clearly Into Your Table Numbers and the NSA Will Bring You a Cocktail |
| 25 | 0 | The Unifying Theory of Matter Is... AARGHHH! |
| 25 | 0 | We've Got Nice Boobs |
| 25 | 0 | Is That a Deku Stick in Your Pocket, or Are You Just Happy to See Me? |
| 25 | 0 | I Finally Beat the Internet. The End Boss Was Hard. |
| 25 | 0 | You Lost Me at "Hello" |
*Note: "Mother of Epoxy", for fear of winning, submitted their final boni under the name "Tonga Tsunami."