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Descriptions

  1. "Can't act. Slightly bald. Can dance a little."
    Hollywood screen test summary, describing aspiring actor Fred Astaire.

  2. "Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad."
    ???, describing W.C. Fields.

  3. "This country is not in good condition..... when a great man people are unable to find work, unemployment results."
    Calvin Coolidge, describing the causes of the Great Depression.

  4. "This Administration has proved that it is utterly incapable of cleaning out the corruption which has completely eroded it, and re-establishing the confidence and faith of the people in the morality and honesty of their government employees."

  5. "Among the best stenographers I ever had."

  6. "Written and played by the most part by cretinous goons."
    Frank Sinatra, describing rock and roll.

  7. And today we're going to talk about Mothers of Mass Murderers."
    Geraldo Rivera, describing a typical episode of his show.

  8. "It's not the most intellectual job in the world, but I do have to know the letters."
    Vanna White, describing the challenge of her job on "Wheel of Fortune."

  9. "I have a black, I have a woman, two Jews and a cripple. And we have talent."
    James Watt, describing his office staff.

  10. "We tried to kick a little ass last night."
    George Bush, describing his performance in the debate against Michael Dukakis.

  11. "....has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here."
    Dan Quayle, describing the crucial role of Hawaii.

  12. "We are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error."
    HAL describing the 9000 series of computers in "2001: A Space Odyssey."

  13. "They are one of the most unpleasant races in the Galaxy-- not actually evil, but bad-tempered, bureaucratic, officious and callous."
    The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, describing Vogons.

  14. "That man's nothing but a crazy old wizard."
    ??? describing Gandalf

  15. "He's a man like any other man, but more so."
    Louie (Claude Rains) describing Rick (Humphrey Bogart) in "Casablanca."

  16. "A fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath borne me on his back a thousand times and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it."
    Hamlet describing Yorick.

  17. "You mean that guy from the old wine commercials?"
    ??? describing Orson Welles, from "The Muppet Movie."

  18. "There, but for the grace of God, goes God."
    Winston Churchill describing Sir Stafford Cripps.

  19. "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."
    Ben Kenobi describing Mos Eisley spaceport in "Star Wars".

  20. "Blind people come to the ballpark just to hear him pitch."
    Reggie Jackson describing Tom Seaver.

  21. "I guess this kind of puts a damper on even a Yankee win."
    Yankee announcer Phil Rizzuto, describing the news of Pope John PauI I's death.

  22. "More clever than I."

  23. "I wake up at night and I think I've heard him-- just a whisper: 'Man.....Man, my best friend...' But when I say 'Mike?' he doesn't answer. Is he wandering around somewhere, looking for hardware to hook onto? Or is he buried down in Complex Under, trying to find a way out?"

  24. "Notice they do not fly so much as plummet."
    Farmer Graham Chapman, describing air-minded sheep (Monty Python).

  25. "Small? Like a French bread."

  26. It's got "Nasty, Big Pointed Teeth!"
    Tim the Enchanter, describing the killer rabbit (Monty Python & Holy Grail).

  27. "....spoilt an otherwise impeccably choreographed rape scene by his unscheduled appearance, and persistent cries of 'What's all this then?' "
    The London Times drama critic, describing the stage debut of Harry "Snapper" Organs (Monty Python).