[Ephlats] Words from Meg in advance of Sunday

[Passannante, Anna]

Hey guys,

We have been communicating back and forth with Meg in regards to our Sunday
discussion, and she would like for all of you to read this email from her.

If possible, please take some time *today* to read her email and watch the
video embedded in it. We understand that for many of us this has been a
trying week, but this is only intended to aid our reflection in advance of
our group discussion.

Again, as always, please reach out if you have any questions or concerns,
or if you just need to word vomit for a while. As hard as this week has
been for many of us, I have been comforted by how much we are supporting
and listening to each other. Please continue to reach out to each other (or
me) as needed!

Best,
AP
------------

Dear Ephlats,

I wanted to thank you for inviting me to hold space for your conversations
with each other about respect, accountability, and safety within your
group.

*Why are we spending time doing this? *The catalyst for this conversation
is one specific incident of harm, and other harm and relationship damage
that has rippled out from that. I understand, from listening deeply to many
of you, that the order of operations of this conversation or the very fact
of it feels insufficient or wrongly-timed in the face of those wounds.

I want to offer a framework of accountability for our conversation. This
video, What are obstacles to accountability
<http://bcrw.barnard.edu/videos/what-are-obstacles-to-accountability/>? is
about 11 minutes long, and it is a collection of people whose wisdom and
work I find deeply compelling. If you watch the video, you don't have to
read the next paragraph :o)

What it is suggesting to us is that we do not have the "muscles" or the
structures in place that we need for genuine accountability for or
prevention of harm of all kinds. We are engaged in a lot of practices that
are not offering acknowledgement, healing, or any meaningful increase in
safety or decrease in future harm.

This group contains within it the resilience, abundance, and relationship
strength for transformation, and we need to do some hard work together to
build something that doesn't exist yet, except perhaps in our deepest
desires and imaginations. We are spending this time together *because* this
group, what you want for each other, how you show up together, and what you
want to build is important enough to give each other time and presence.

*What are we actually going to be talking about? *I'm posing the following
questions to you to consider individually and together: what does safety in
this group mean to you in this group? What does respect mean to you in this
group? What does accountability to one another mean to you in this group?
How do these feel internally (that is, within yourself)? What does it look
like and sound like when it is being practiced or when we are moving toward
it?

Between now and tomorrow evening, make some out-breath space for yourself
so you can marinate or meditate on those questions. You don't need to
prepare anything, just sit (or walk, or listen to music) with them.

*What happens after we talk about this? *I don't know. It's important to
say that because we haven't had a chance to talk together yet, and we are
not coming together with a final end point in mind that we need to
backbuild a path to with our words.

My hope is that by saying that this conversation is for convening, for
vulnerable communication, for the speaking of collective values, that you
will be able to have some breathing room to just show up, speak from your
heart, and hear from one another, and from that, use the group's values as
a wayfinder to practices and generative change that are in alignment with
the things you most value as a community together. This conversation is not
the endpoint of your work together: accountability is a process, not an
action, and this conversation informs your work of accountability to one
another, it's not the totality of it.

Thank you, truly, for making the space to build together and for including
me in that.

Warmly,
Meg
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