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Are you kidding me? My dad drinks gasoline to wash down his lunch. This one time, he walked into a gas station and just pumped that golden liquid straight down his throat in front of everybody. How would you dad feel if he were to pull into a gas station and realize that his hummer was more fuel-efficient than my father? I would guess that he would feel terrible.
Big deal. My dad is really rich. Also, he controls the media. He basically does whatever he wants, and he usually wants to make other people miserable. How would your dad feel if my dad reserved every table at every restaurant in America on your parents' anniversary, or if he cancelled Monday Night Footballyour dad's favorite TV show? I would guess that he would feel terrible.
So what... My dad is really an alien. He has sweet telepathy skills, and he invented the internet. How would your dad feel if he saw my dad's thirty-foot retractable penis? I would guess that he would feel terrible.
That's terrible. But my dad? He's UNDEAD. That's right—he's a zombie. Not even a magazineful of gunfire can stop him from hungrily hobbling towards your dad at an unflagging 1 mph. Also, when he moans, it's very scary. How would your dad feel if my dad took out his frustration about being stuck in purgatory forever by beating your dad into submission with the limbs of the guy he ate for breakfast? I would guess that he would feel terrible.
So I should be intimidated by that? Come on! My dad is a used to be a Jedi, until he became a Sith lord. While he can snap a person’s neck with the power of his mind, he prefers to use his light saber – so much more civilized. How would your dad feel if he was being laced with my dad’s Force LightingLightning? I would guess that he would feel terrible.
Oh give me a break! My dad used to be an embryo. Then he turned into a fetus and finally was born after which he became my liberal, Kerry-voting dad. How would your dad feel if when he was an embryo, he found out that my dad was pro-choice? I would guess that he would feel terrible.
You're just wasting my time. My dad is an influential hip-hop artist. His particular skill lies in dressing down posers and unskilled rappers. How would your dad like it if my dad called him a "thug I oughtta plug" in a recording distributed to millions of listeners worldwide, and then hired your dad's twin brother to portray your dad in the music video? I would guess that he would feel terrible.
Does this face look frightened? My dad works for the Department of Homeland Security. He has like Level 4 clearance, which means he can put people on the official terrorist watch list just because they're pissing him off. How would your dad like to get naked in front of a beefy DHS agent every time he tried to fly in an airplane? I would guess that he would feel terrible.
Big whoop. My dad is Catullus. He's like one of the most important poets of all time, up there with Homer, Shakespeare, and maybe Jim Morrison. How would your dad like it if his chronicles were memorialized as "cacata carta" in a poem that would delight students of Latin for thousands and thousands of years? My dad did that to Volusius, and he'll do it to your dad, too, if you don't watch out. The real question is, how will your dad feel when he finds out that "cacata carta" means "defecated paper"? I would guess that he will feel terrible.
''Let the games begin...''
Well, my dad's really fat, and doesn't do a damn thing with his lazy ass. O wait, that's NOT something to boast about. Well, you got me this time.
