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Most people are aware of the basic methods of greeting an acquaintance: the handshake, the hug, the man-hug, the high-five, and the chest bump are among the most popular. No greeting, however, has the infinite variation and accompanying delight of the Fist Pound. Here are instructions for executing the most interesting and gratifying pounds known to man.
== Breaking the Pound Barrier ==
Start by rapidly pounding the other person's fists, alternating left and right. After a few seconds, say in a falsetto voice, "Zounds of Pounds!!!!!" and continue the rapid-fire pounding until someone gives up.
== The Perfect Pound ==
Popularized by Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire when they were still American heroes, the Perfect Pound endures as a favorite of the masses. You've probably seen it: one person pounds down as the other pounds upward, then switch positions for a second pound, and then finish with a horizontal engagement. This technique is a bit tricky, because there must be an implicit decision as to who starts on top. But if you can solve that problem with grace and without words, you will have the Perfect Pound.
== Mastur-pounding ==
