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Really? Well, I would like to counter by asserting that my father was and is one of the world's most accomplished sophists. His rhetorical skills are at their best when employed in a totally cynical matter, and when they are so employed they are truly devastating. His insincerity and histrionics are the non pareil. So how would your dad feel about having the weaker argument come to appear the stronger, and thereby finding himself unexpectedly overthrown from a seemingly secure rhetorical position -- in short, about having the proverbial rug pulled out from under his proverbial feet through the dark arts of unabashèd unabashed sophistry? I would guess that he would feel terrible.

Okay? My dad used to be a robot bodyguard for Jim Morrison. He could understand lasers, speak 6 robot languages, and walk sideways... while spinning his head 360 degrees 360° to scare intruders. How would your dad feel about never having to take a break from using designer rockstar drugs to sleep, eat, or wash his hands? I would guess that he would feel terrible.

Is that so? My dad is the narrator from Robert A. Heinlein's All You Zombies. He was born a functional hermaphrodite and grew up to be a time-travelling bartender. Then he t.t.ed to his own past to kidnap himself and forced himself to come with him back in time to when he was 17 to seduce and impregnate himself. A year later, just before his 18 year old counter part counterpart had the sexual identity reconstruction operation, he stole her/his baby and took it back in time to be trained as a bartender. So in conclusion, my dad is my mom AND their only child, who is also me. How would your dad feel if he knew were he came from, but then had to ask somebody else about all the zombies? I would guess that he would feel terrible.

Huh? Well, my dad is actually [[Your Mom]]. How would your dad feel if he had another family on the side AND had to hide his pregnancy for nine months? I would guess that he would feel terrible.

Don't be so sure. My dad is [[Morty Schapiro]]. He heads up the best school in the [[Purple Valley]], not to mention in the country, or the rest of the world, and sports a wicked white beard. Everyone loves Morty, and even if they try to tell him what to do, he doesn't listen, because he's a total badass. He is also the little-known leader of an underground street racing circuit in [[Bennington]]. How would your dad feel about getting the liberal arts kicked out of him? I would guess that he would feel terrible.

Are you serious? Well, my dad weighs two and a half tons. He keeps sandwiches in his back pocket and strung around his waist in a little backback that looks like a purse next to his gargantuan figure. How would your dad feel if my dad were ahead of him in line at [[Subway ]] and bought EVERYTHING? I would guess that he would feel terrible.

That's terrible. But my dad? He's UNDEAD. That's right—heright -- he's a zombie. Not even a magazineful of gunfire can stop him from hungrily hobbling towards your dad at an unflagging 1 mph. Also, when he moans, it's very scary. How would your dad feel if my dad took out his frustration about being stuck in purgatory forever by beating your dad into submission with the limbs of the guy he ate for breakfast? I would guess that he would feel terrible.

So I should be intimidated by that? Come on! My dad is a used to be a Jedi, until he became a Sith lord. While he can snap a person’s person's neck with the power of his mind, he prefers to use his light saber – -- so much more civilized. How would your dad feel if he was being laced with my dad’s dad's Force Lightning? I would guess that he would feel terrible.

My dad got caught rapelling off of [[Thompson Memorial Chapel ]] in 1970. How would your dad feel if he got kicked out of school and had to support his family on a pitiful income, but his legacies got in anyway? I would guess that he would feel terrible.

Oh yeah? Well my dad is part of the hetero-normative linguistic culture. The entire world is his heterosexual pride party. How would your dad feel if he wrote a pseudo-intellectual postmodern critique of my dad’s dad's linguistic tendencies, and my dad didn’t didn't even understand it, much less care? I would guess that he would feel terrible.

I'm shaking in my little space boots. Please! My dad is [[Dan Rooney]]. He is a totally badass, nihilistic, blog-wizard who enjoys nothing better then cutting down the dim-witted with his scathing, sardonic rhetoric. Plus, he begat me when he was like two. How would your dad feel about not being able to buy cheap manufactured goods or produce at [[Walmart ]] because my dad keeps illegal aliens from crossing the border, thus protecting the job market and real Americans? I would guess that he would feel terrible.

As if. Being a one-third Scottish, my dad is immune to any form of dentistry known to man. Moreover, I worked in a factory that printed the boxes for this “spring"spring-scented” scented" laundry detergent (or rather, the dryer sheets). How would your Dad feel, knowing that the spring-scented laundry detergent boxes in his house have not been selected according to print register, correct color tone, and overall attractiveness, by someone who would know? I guess that he would feel terrible.

Oh yeah? Well my dad is Dan Klein! Take that! He can chug three whole bottles of Champaign (with the corks), bust out 10,000 "man-ups" at [[Prospect Abs]], and then recite the first 10 to the 10th digits of pi while running a 10k race, backwards, uphill, blindfolded! How would your dad like it if my dad got him date to the [[cross -country ]] [[screwdance]], stole her for himself on the dance floor, wrote a sappy live journal livejournal entry about her, and then composed a 300-page bio [[thesis ]] in his head filled with useless college bowl [[College Bowl]] facts? What now? I would guess that he would feel terrible.

Whatev. My dad wrote your finals. That take home [[Political Science|PoliSci ]] test with sixty-two essays? Those lab reports that must be written entirely in Pig Latin and iambic pentameter? The [[astronomy ]] test with the question that reads: "#3. Create a star. Show all work. Explain this star's effect on at least twenty constellations and six historical sea voyages?" Yeah, those were him. How would your dad feel if he knew that my dad plans on taking points off in-class timed essays because of archaic rules about grammar and punctuation? I would guess that he would feel terrible.

Ummm.... me too. But better yet, my dad is [[Buildings and Grounds|B&G ]] (I mean Facilities). He can make the whole campus smell like soy sauce, just by snapping his fingers. He can also fertilize the grass with ground up chicken bones, and no one will dare to stop him. He could pave the path in front of [[Weston ]] / [[Brooks ]] if he wanted to, but he doesn't like you, so he won't. How would your dad feel if he knew that your sorry ass was the only thing stopping the student body from enjoying a perfectly respectable concrete walkway instead of sloshing through matted down dirty snow and ice to save a few seconds on the way to [[Schow]]? I would guess that he would feel terrible.

Yeah whatever. In much the same way that paper beats rock, my dad beats your dad. Big Time. My dad invented wintry mix. Yeah that's right. All that snow, sleet, and hail that's been banging against your window as you try to take a 24-hr take home, my dad did that. How would your dad feel if he was trying to get to his lame [[Spanish ]] final in Weston, but ended up being 25 minutes late because he slipped on the ice on [[Mission Hill ]] and then got beaned with a hail stone the size of a golf ball? I would guess that he would feel terrible.