Chuan Ji

Introduction

Tradition holds that Chuan Ji (Chinese 季川) was a Computer Science and Economics undergraduate student at Williams College, from which it is said he received his Bachelor’s Degree in June, 2012. During his tenure as an undergraduate, he served as president for WSO (Williams Students Online, amidst other contentious interpretations not listed here) during 2011-2012, during which he contributed substantially and on numerous occasions.

Several eyewitness accounts corroborate his being originally born in China, where he finished high school in Beijing. Amongst his many titles, he is known to be a big, nice and multi-talented computer nerd.

Contribution to WSO

• He saved most of the WSO data from a backup once the hard drive in WSO’s main server went bad.
• He made a new backup server for WSO.
• He set up a new server as the main server to host WSO website.
• He wrote a brand-new, fancy and fast facebook for WSO, which is still in testing phase.
• He wrote a simple and clean email system for WSO listserv from scratch, which is still in testing phase.
• He fixed tons of bugs for WSO website. Amazingly, many of these were done on his x-inch Android phone.
• He once claimed, “Even though one day I myself will leave this campus, my code will still be here!”

Programming Ability

He is a super prolific code writer. To name a few examples, his work includes an independent operating system, a file system, a Facebook analogue, a hand-writing recognition system and an email system.

He is arguably the student that knows most languages on Williams campus. The languages that he is fluent in include but are not limited to Chinese, English, French, Japanese, C++, Python, C, JavaScript, html, php, Java, AWP……

He is too nerdy. In one of the CS classes he took, even though his final project had one of the highest performances in history, the professor didn’t give him an A. One of the reasons was… he is too anti-social…

During his undergraduate education, he was probably the only firm Vim user and advocator at Williams College, where all the other CS students and Professors use Emacs and challenge him on the use of Vim. But he not only survived, but has also cultivated other students here to love and use Vim (the author of this wiki page included.)

Amazing/ Fun Fact

As mentioned, he is fluent in Chinese, English, French and Japanese. He has collections of self-composed poems in Chinese, English and French. He has a 1-TB hard drive to exclusively store Japanese anime, and he has watched most of them.

He has great talent and wide interest in music. He composed Russian style choir songs for his whole class in high school; he also wrote romantic songs for the girl he loved. While he loves the Chinese Communist “Red Songs”, he is also crazy about the anime music sung by, in a completely non-incriminating fashion, Japanese lolis.

He loves computers. While it’s unusual for most Williams students to own 2 laptops at the same time, at any point during Chuan’s college life, there were at least 12 computers and computer-like devices sitting in his room, including ones produced in the 90s, 00s and 10s.

He loves beer. When he has money, he buys computers and drinks beer; when he doesn’t have money, he sells his computers and still … drinks beer.

Birth (Crafted by Jonathon Hengchao Gu)

At an undisclosed date roughly 20 years ago, Ji emerged fully formed from the belly of a vintage Commodore 64 as a being of pure electromagnetic waveform. The force of his inception immediately disintegrated 13 out of 15 flabbergasted eyewitnesses, who were afterwards only identifiable by the human-shaped burn marks they left scattered in their wake. The 14th and closest in proximity to the event was actually blasted backwards in time, where his brief, tortuous final moments traumatically scarred a young Edvard Munch and formed the inspiration for his famous painting, The Scream (note the characteristic time-space distortions surrounding the victim, who has been charred black across most of his body by the incredible thermodynamic force of that which was and is Chuan Ji). The 15th, a young Jim Lee, was shielded by an innocuous oak desk and three hundred yards of lead, and so escaped relatively unscathed. He was so moved by what he had witnessed that years later he would attempt to recreate the same experience in the controversial 1997 Superman Red/Blue storyline, attempting to draw an analogy between Chuan Ji and the most powerful fictional character his mind could conceive. Unfortunately his creative powers proved unable to encapsulate the essence of Chuan Ji, and so he burned out his imagination, the only notable future product of which proved to be a hideous mullet.

Due to the well-documented physics-defying powers of Chuan Ji, experts have also speculated that his sudden appearance may have caused other catastrophic historical events in the past, the present, and the future. The Chuan Ji Epicenter forms the basis for the new field of arcanoscience, now staffed by thousands of scientist-magicians wandering the time-space continuum, seeking to understand the full extent of his immeasurable aura. While causal connections have already been drawn between his presence and, amongst other stunning, sudden, and/or completely unexpected events, the extinction of the dinosaurs, the invention of calculus, the birth of Walt Disney, and the decision of Baylor University to return Professor Edward Burger to his rightful place at Williams College, a controversial sect holds that Chuan Ji is his own father, which would make Chuan Ji the first and only omnipresent being completely outside of time itself.

Chuan Ji himself could not be reached for comment, because he is currently on an interstellar journey defending several galaxies from the simultaneous threats of the Reapers, the Empire, Kirby, and 16 year old hipster gamers who all of the sudden think that playing CoD renders them the “hardcore,” to which the entire industry must pander.

Contributions to WSO (Crafted by Jonathon Hengchao Gu)

He saved most of the WSO data from a backup once the hard drive in WSO’s main server went bad. In order to do so he was obliged to fight ten highly trained Karatekas with a sweet potato and destroy 8 castles staffed by fire-breathing turtles.

He made a new backup server for WSO. While popular opinion holds that, in order to do so, he contacted his friend Richard Dean Anderson, the truth is that Richard Dean Anderson himself generally contacted Chuan Ji for technical advice in between scene cuts. It is therefore no astonishing fact that Chuan Ji was able to construct this server out of strawberry jam, the screams of the damned, frozen moonlight, and several pending lawsuits on behalf of Sir Terry Pratchett. He set up a new server as the main server to host the WSO website. This server is now known as Mount Everest, and is capable of populating an exact model of Venice with 10,000 instances of Devastator while modeling all the relevant particle trajectories, collision physics, etc. caused by simulating the historical city crumbling beneath the feet of photoreal giant robots.

He wrote a brand-new, fancy and fast Facebook search mechanism for WSO, which is still in testing phase. This is because it is feared that, when it is actually released for commercial use, it will quickly overtake the real thing and subsume the world’s entire social networking market.

He wrote a simple and clean email system for the WSO listserv from scratch, which is still in testing phase. Similarly to the above, during the production phase of this project, a consortium formed of Google, Microsoft, Apple, and several other major competitors decided to oppose him. The aftermath of the one-sided clash resulted in Windows Vista, Google’s compliance with Chinese internet censorship policies, and the death of Apple’s esteemed CEO, Steve Jobs.

He fixed tons of bugs for WSO website. Amazingly, many of these were done on his x-inch Android phone. Few are privy to the fact that this is because his phone conceals ancient Cybertronian technology. He once claimed, “Even though one day I myself will leave this campus, my code will still be here!” Other quotes often attributed to him include: “俺はだれだと思っている？！”, “Veni,vidi, vici,” and “Why am I so great?!”, a phrase later aped by Lion Rafale from Virtua Fighter.