Students with computer skills

Michael Gnozzio (since dealing with pointers and manual memory management is so trivial, it's a good thing we have MPI to make C programming more difficult)

Arjun Narayan '10 Hello world only

Andrew Triska '10 writes the world's most complicated and boring text-based games.

Haskell

Brent Yorgey '04 (the most beautiful language ever -- don't give me this Ruby crap)

Jerry He tentatively agrees

Hypertalk

Alan Cordova Booyah!

Java

Daniel Rooney (disgusting)

Evan Miller (shamefully well)

Brent Yorgey '04 (I frickin' TEACH this language)

Jessica Chung (not bad either.)

Michael Gnozzio (no shame here)

Jerry He will always be a beginner in this language. Just don't get it.

Arjun Narayan Will always be in love with this one.

JavaScript

Evan Miller (just a pinch)

LabVIEW

Joe Shoer '06 (though he's ashamed to admit he knows such a stupid language)

Sam Clapp '06 (It is NOT a stupid language! Three cheers for graphical programming!)

LaTeX

Daniel Klein (too good for word processing)

Evan Miller (too poor for Word)

Michael Gnozzio (really, what good is WYSIWYG?)

Diana Davis '07 (infinitely superior to anything else)

Travis Vachon (It's pretty frickin sweet)

Matthew Earle (Offers TeX services for $10/hr.)

Jessica Chung (Would like her chemistry reports to be TeX-ed, but alas, converting chemical structures from ChemDraw to .jpg on her Windows side and then switching into her Linux side where the Windows side is mounted and then converting .jpgs into the accepted TeX format is too many steps. But if she ever decided aesthetics were worth everything and anything, she'd be all up ons for chem reports TeX-ed.)

Aidan Finley '04 spent a week teaching it to himself during his thesis crunch, which indirectly contributed to a case of sleep deprivation and a subsequent fall in Sawyer Library. This in turn produced a leg wound which required hospitalization during Senior Week.

Jerry He Used to be in the league but have since defected to using Lyx: the Wysiwyg Latex editor.

Arjun Narayan '10 Can barely survive it.

sunmi yang '08 has found the new love of her life in TeX and Beamer. Some even call TeX her abusive boyfriend.

Lisp

(append (cons 'Brent Yorgey (cons '04 (cons 'Jessica Chung '07))) Arjun Narayan)

Matlab

Jerry He (greatest language ever for quick visual programming)

Mathematica

Daniel Klein (is too a real language)

Joe Shoer '06 (it's my thesis, and I can do more with it than the math nerds can)

Laura Effinger-Dean '06 (I make pretty pictures for my thesis!)

Nick Yates '06 (Pretty spirals! Ooh!)

Diana Davis '07 (I'll isoperimeterize you!)

Any physics major worth their weight in problem sets

Jerry He (a must-learn for any physics major)

Michael Gnozzio (a must-learn for any CS major also)

Math majors can do it too.

Objective C

Michael Gnozzio (yay for Cocoa!)

PARI/GP

Nick Yates '06 (For a number theoretic software called PARI; similar to C)

Perl

Kai Steverson (competent)

Evan Miller (wizardly)

Jing Cao (kind of)

Brent Yorgey '04 (JAPH)

Michael Gnozzio (well enough to know i despise it)

PHP

Young Hahn (godly)

Katherine Huang (sort of)

Dave Senft (also knows what the P stands for)

Jessica Chung (When really desperate and focused.)

Ronit Bhattacharyya (kinda...but I know what all three letters stand for)

Arjun Narayan '10 Also knows what all three letters stand for. And all three. And all three. And all three...

PL/SQL

Evan Miller (a terrible language)

Python

Travis Vachon (the scripting language of choice)

Jerry He (the greatest language ever invented! If not the most useful)

Ronit Bhattacharyya (it's okay, but it's no Ruby)

R

Daniel Klein (it makes statistics fun!)

Evan Miller (needs to learn how to put his skills on his own line but is probably very capable at R)

Arjun Narayan '10 But not as good as Aaron Schwartz

Ruby

Evan Miller (the scripting language of choice)

Ronit Bhattacharyya '07 (the most beautiful language ever)

Jerry He (the language of convenience)

Michael Gnozzio (where's the strong type checking? the explicit variable declarations? what if I want a global constant?)

WC3400 Microcode

Travis Vachon (well, at one point at least...)

Jessica Chung (Short and slow microcode, like her short and slow self.)

Jing Cao Broke the phase 2 record

Arjun Narayan '10 Broke the pass/fail barrier.

XML/XSLT/XPath/XQuery

Ronit Bhattacharyya '07 (hey, at least I'm not claiming CSS & HTML to be languages)

Hardware

Breaking CPU chips

Son Ho (one victim hung on my door)

Peck-Typing

Jonathan Landsman (fast, loud, and blind. has entertained friends)

Software

ChemDraw

Jessica Chung (Don't make me clipware you.)

Hazen Parsons

Microsoft Paint

Peter Tosirisuk doesn't need your fancy "Pho-to-shop" razzmatazz.

PowerPoint

Jonathan Landsman '05 (godly)

Adobe Photoshop

David Rodriguez (Has ridiculous photoshop skills and can do just about anything with a digital image given enough time)

Ines Major (also has ridiculous skills)

AppleWorks

Jonathan Landsman '05 (fears no page/margin/line spacing/font size requirement)

Jono Dowse '06 (still uses it in drawing and painting mode. He is a 13-year Apple drawing veteran.)

Laurie Brink sort-of-'05 (disputes that this is actually a "computer skill," seeing as the charming thing about AppleWorks is that it's infinitely more user-friendly and intuitive than Microsoft Office)

1337 |-|@><0R

Toby Hall. w00t

Ted Wiles (Ted is an amazing hacker and programmer. It isn't uncommon for his digg.com articles to yield over 250 diggs in one day. He also is passionate about his art and has plans to do a thesis senior year that allows him to reinterpret famous art works completely through graphic design software. He is also very good at hacking.)