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My Dad

2 bytes added, 10:30, October 30, 2005
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Is that all? Well my dad used to be a bounty hunter. He tracked down hardened criminals like a great white shark following a trail of blood in the ocean. Could your dad lay the smack down on a mafia leader? How would your dad feel about my dad subjecting him to a full cavity search? I would guess that he would feel terrible.
 
Yeah, right. My dad is the host of ''Candid Camera''. How would your dad feel if my dad pulled a really funny prank on your dad on national television? I would guess that he would feel terrible.
Really? Well, I would like to counter by asserting that my father was and is one of the world's most accomplished sophists. His rhetorical skills are at their best when employed in a totally cynical matter, and when they are so employed they are truly devastating. His insincerity and histrionics are the non pareil. So how would your dad feel about having the weaker argument come to appear the stronger, and thereby finding himself unexpectedly overthrown from a seemingly secure rhetorical position -- in short, about having the proverbial rug pulled out from under his proverbial feet through the dark arts of unabashèd sophistry? I would guess that he would feel terrible.
Does this face look frightened? My dad works for the Department of Homeland Security. He has like Level 4 clearance, which means he can put people on the terrorist watch list just because my dad says he saw them wearing a turban. How would your dad like to be racially profiled? I would guess that he would feel terrible.
Big whoop. My dad is Catullus. He's like one of the most important poets of all time, up there with Homer, Shakespeare, and maybe Jim Morrison. How would your dad like it if his writings were memorialized as "cacata carta" in a poem that would delight speakers and students of Latin for thousands and thousands of years? The real question is, how will your dad feel when he finds out that "cacata carta" translates to "paper having been shat out of my exceedingly tight assholeanus"? I would guess that he will feel terrible. My dad is Peter Funt, host of ''Candid Camera''. How would your dad feel if my dad pulled a really funny prank on your dad on national television? I would guess that he would feel terrible.
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