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Andy Schneider (Proper Noun)
However, rowboats are not widely known for their seaworthiness, and after being shipwrecked off the coast of Alaska, and rescued by the ship Time Bandit from TV's Deadliest Catch, Andy was invited to join the crew, and he spent several winters catching king crab in the Bering Sea. His days were long and grueling, and his nights filled with loose women and strong drink. Still, his dream of becoming a marine biologist burned on at the back of his mind, and he eventually left Alaska, and began to backpack through the Canadian wilderness, set on reaching California. His food supplies, consisting mostly of "borrowed" crab lasted roughly two weeks, at which point, driven by hunger, he stalked a grizzly bear back to its cave, and, falling upon it with a ravenous desire for a bellyful of bear meat, killed the bear with his bare hands, skinned it with it's own claw, and then ate it raw. The five hundred plus pounds of bear meat he consumed over the course of the next few hours gave him fuel to lumber through the wilderness, eventually making it to the US by roping a wild moose and riding it for the last three hundred miles.
Thus did Andy come to rest in Seattle, Washington, a city widely renowned for being "the greatest city on Earth". Andy studied at the University of Washington for a time, impressing his professors and peers with his intimate knowledge of the inner workings of the universe. After discovering the secrets of weight loss without diet and exercise, easy and pain free penis enlargement, and cold fusion, Andy decided to journey to California, particularly Santa Barbara, in hopes of being accepted to the marine biology program at UCSB. Unfortunately, due to an airline mixup, he ended up in Williamstown, Massachusetts, where he was immediately snatched up by Morty Schapiro, who proclaimed him to be the "academic version of the second coming", and instated him as a student at Williams College, where he now resides as a physics major, who dreams at night of swimming with the fish, and finally discovering their secrets. Additionally, little to none of the above (starting with the paragraph "anders grew up" until now) is at all close to being true.
On August 4th, 2007, he wrote the entire Wikipedia page for Physics from his phone, while waiting in line for Splash Mountain.
One can see his smiling face all around campus :)
His hobbies include playing squash (with Matt Madden), IM basketball, running marathons, doing plancks, pumping iron in the estrogym, working at the MSRC, giving lap dances, and generally helping those in need. Andy is best known for his role as one of the fabulous A3 JAs (2010-2011) with Stella Grace Berke.
Andy is credited with coining the phrase "frisky make out session" and is always an advocate for enthusiastic consent.
He has mastered the art of verbosity. He is also an excellent dancer.
He has recently disproven the theory that you need sleep to survive. In fact, one of his theme songs is "No Sleep" by Wiz Kalifa
He can often be found in his natural habitat: the physics common room. Sometimes he hibernates there.
OR
"Did you hear all the ladies are in love with Andy? (most of the guys want to marry him too.!!!)"
