Emily Button

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In more concrete terms, Emily speaks Russian, knows some ancient Greek, would make a good pirate, and likes the names "Vaktang", "Zeus", and "Medea". Her name can be spelled using only letters.

Here's a joke that is easier to understand in Russian:

Patient: Doctor, doctor, will I survive?
Doctor: Does it matter?

She was (as of 2005) the only percussionist who got actual notes in the Marching Band.