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My Dad

1,064 bytes added, 01:00, September 13, 2012
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Busy and neglectful? Weak. My dad refuses to use a car, so he's the buffest 50 year old you'll ever meet. He also has to take occasional trips for work, so we never see him because he's riding 100 miles a day to and from Oregon. Before my dad, people never saw a bicycle traveling faster than their car on the highway. My dad is also a champion kick-boxer; it comes from all the riding.
 
Oh yeah? My dad is God; Richard Dawkins always stops by to say He doesn't exist. He created Chuck Norris, the dad of the guy above me, who almost got his candidate of choice (Huckabee) elected.
 
God, eh? Well, my dad is [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russell%27s_teapot Russell's teapot]. If properly used, he totally obliterates God in an argument. How would you feel if my dad invalidated your dad's religious beliefs and/or poured scalding hot tea on his crotch? I would guess that this would be a tremendous blow to the integrity of his value system. And his crotch.
 
A teapot? That's a load of hot water! My dad is Shien Non Shei, the man who invented tea. How would your dad feel if my dad made him completely irrelevant and stupid? I guess that he would feel like ten pounds of shit in a five pound sack.
 
Oh yeah? Well my dad invented the space bar! How would your dad feel if my dad started upholding his patent and your dad started having to pay for every word in the ridiculously wordy labels on his tea bags? I would guess that he would feel terrible.
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