The Questions | Contest Main Page

The Helen Lewicki Memorial Singleman Party Comedy Bonus

  1. What were the height and weight of Old Weird Harold, and what special things did his friends do to take advantage of it?
    6-foot-9 and 50 pounds; they use him to get the football out of the sewer.

  2. On "Saturday Night Live," in the "Family Feud" skit between the romaine lettuce growers and the Coneheads, what do the Coneheads answer to the following questions while playing "Fast Money":
    *Name a famous explorer?
    *A mode of transportation?
    *Something you eat with eggs?
    Explorer-- Zoltan the Great; Transportation-- jet flume; Eat with eggs-- fiberglass.

  3. On "Saturday Night Live," John Belushi used to do a weatherman skit in which he explained that while March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb in the United States, it acts quite differently in other places. We'll provide the way March comes in, you tell us how it goes out.
    *Comes in like a lamb:
    *Comes in like a wildebeest:
    *Comes in like a sea otter:
    *Comes in like a kangaroo:
    *Comes in like an emu:
    Lamb-- salt marsh harvest mouse; wildebeest-- ant; sea otter-- giant anaconda; kangaroo-- dingo; emu-- tapir.

  4. According to Joan Rivers, what is Elizabeth Taylor's blood type?
    Ragu.

  5. In the Monty Python skit "Stake Your Claim," what are the three claims?
    A man claimed to have written all of Shakespeare's plays and sonnets; a man claimed to have built the Taj Mahal; a man claimed that he could be thrown into the English Channel and then be buried. (An alternate answer from the record album was accepted: a woman who claimed that she could burrow through an elephant.)

  6. In Bill Cosby's "$75 Car" routine, he says that he and his girlfriend kiss in four different places in the house. Name those four places.
    On the couch, on the TV, under the refrigerator, on the whatnot shelf.

  7. According to Monty Python, what was the Germans' attempt for the funniest joke in the world?
    "Three peanuts are walking down the street. One was assaulted."

  8. According to Monty Python, how do you pronounce the name spelled as follows: N-O-R-M-A-N L-U-X-U-R-Y-Y-A-C-H-T?
    "Throatwobbler Mangrove."

  9. Also according to Monty Python, what is the name of the only thing Dinsdale Pirahna is afraid of, and what is it?
    Spiny Norman the giant hedgehog.

  10. Rodney Dangerfield does a routine about being lost on the beach as a child. When he asks a policeman if it's likely that he'll find his parents, what is the cop's response?
    "I don't know, kid. There's so many places they could hide."

  11. What is unique about the school newspaper, at the school Rodney attended as a child?
    It has an obituary column.

  12. From the same routine, how far is it from Rodney's house to the subway?
    "I don't know, kid. Nobody ever made it alive."

  13. Why did Bill Cosby have trouble in shop class?
    Everything he made turned out looking like an ashtray.

  14. In a George Carlin routine, he talks about the likelihood that birth control pills will soon go off prescription and get brand names. He mentions a total of 13 potential brand names. For the purposes of this question, we're only going to ask for 7 of these names. But if you give us the other 6, we're going to give you an additional bonus point.
    Preg-Not; Embry-No; Nary-A-Carey; Nay Family Way; Mom Bombs; Junior Miss; Inconceivable; Mommy-Not; Fetus Fail; Kiddie Kill; Poppa Stopper; Womb Broom; Humpty Dumpty.

  15. Who sponsors "The Divorce Game," as done by George Carlin on his "AM/FM" album?
    National Van Lines.

  16. On the same album, the top group on the charts in George Carlin's "Son of WINO Radio" routine does a song called "Jenny." (Remember that? "Dum buh duh dum buh dum.... Jenny"?) What's the name of the band that does "Jenny"?
    The Red, White and Blue Electric Outdoor Protestant Blues Band.

  17. We'd like the name of Johnny Carson's doctor and lawyer, as mentioned often in his monologues.
    Mandrake Kirby; Bombastic Bushkin.

  18. In National Lampoon's famous "Mr. Roberts and the Bass Player" skit, who does the voice of the bass player?
    Bill Murray.

  19. When Mr. Roberts tells the bass player that he gets up every morning at 6:30, what are the bass player's 3 responses?
    "You're insane."
    "You're stupid."
    "You should sleep late, man. It's easier on your constitution."

  20. In Robert Klein's mock ad for every record ever recorded, a man named Conrad Jarvis comes on at the end to urge us to buy the record. What's unusual about Conrad Jarvis?
    He's been dead for 6 years. ("But this offer was so good, I had to come back and tell you all about it.")

  21. This has been "The Helen Lewicki Memorial Singleman Party Comedy Bonus." Isn't it fair that you identify her? And for an extra bonus point, for a total of 12 points, tell us what comedian invented Helen Lewicki, in what routine she appears, and what's so special about Helen Lewicki?
    David Steinberg; a routine about his high school days; she wears a red angora sweater in which is contained the sum total of Helen Lewicki.