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The above is the "official" story. According to [[Jeff Stenzel]] '10 and [[Chris Liguori]] '10, the following is more accurate:
*Andrew Goldston was born in 1973 and currently has 8 children, 2 grandchildren, and 3 more grandchildren on the way. He graduated in 1995, but has been creepily hanging around campus ever since, because that's just the kind of guy he is.
*He also goes by the name Charlie.
