Changes

Is that all? My dad spent our entire family fortune buying somebody else's soul on Ebay. Since then, our family has found countless uses for this extra soul. I can't even begin to explain how much better our lives have been because of it. "The truth of a single soul is inexpressible," my dad told me while our mom was softly crying in the corner. How would your dad feel about not being able to forcefeed his youngest son a second soul? I would guess that he would feel terrible.

Big deal. My dad is really rich. He basically does whatever he wants. You know how upper-middle white people shop at Sam's Club and buy things in bulk? Well, my dad's so rich he buys things in SUPERBULK. Some rich people acquire the best things money can buy. My dad's philosophy is to acquire the ''most'' things money can buy. Like when I was a baby, my dad solved the Diaper Problem by buying 130 million disposable diapers, all on one order. That's enough to catch all the baby crap in Turkey for an entire year. Then my dad acquired another 2 million diapers for me by personally raiding a Red Cross relief ship headed for Africa. We still have most of those diapers. They're in our enormous basement. Anyway, how would your dad like it if, on your parents' 25th anniversary, my dad reserved every table at every restaurant in America, and didn't let your parents sit at any of them? So that your dad was forced to celebrate his marriage over a couple of Quarter Pounders with Cheese? And then your dad came home to find the front yard buried under six feet of unused Pampers? I would guess that he would feel terrible.